If I were a dad, I’d simply let them alone and wish them a simple: “Have fun” as they left. Until I’m given reason to distrust my daughter, I won’t question her.
I wouldn’t even consider this a date.
That’s how mine ended up pregnant at 17.
That’s the chance I take
If you think that a father’s connotation of ‘his’ daughter is one of depersonalization and ownership, then I don’t know what to tell you. Relationships have, by nature, the possessive pronoun, and, as such, do not mean ‘ownership’, equivalent to slavery, no matter how much you are wounded by such words; and anybody that looks at it as such, has serious issues with reality.
You, yourself, just said that a parent has a choice. Apparently, you don’t think so. Such quibbling is merely juvenile sophistry, and is only to ‘empower’ people who don’t have a true grasp of interpersonal dealings, and is used to, perhaps unconsciously, validate the speaker’s existence.
There was one episode of “Duck Dynasty” where the 14 year old was having her first date. Well the Dad said yes, but only after he took the boy hunting.
Turned out it was a real nice kid and try as he might, the Dad could not find fault in the young man. He was respectful (always said “sir”), clean, Christian, plus knew about hunting and fishing.
Its funny watching a Dad having to let go of his “little girl”.
“Hi, my name is [my first name] [my last name]. Pleased to meet you.”
Then I’d make mundane small talk about sports or something while little Grace got ready.
No muss no fuss.
Hmm…14. A bit young to take this dating thing seriously. Kids do have sex at this age, though, so hopefully you have talked to your daughter about birds and bees.
Do you have a box of condoms with you? Want one? What has your mother taught you about cunnilingus?
In my experience, “dates” to school dances in high school are mostly a formality, and chances are the two will split ways as soon as they get in the door and hang out with their real friends.
[stick-in-the-mud]I’d like to hope that most of my conversations would have taken place with my daughter during the preceding 14 years, to do my best to see that she was confident, proud, and respecting of herself and others. You know, like you try to do with your sons.[/sithm]
In the Netherlands, we don’t have proms, so there’s no formal moment when a boy and girl are thrown in together to mimic a romantic adult date.
Instead, boys and girls go about in self chosen company. Sooner or later a particular boy starts to come over more often for homework or he pops up in the girls stories. So, when Dutch parents start to suspect that the girl is seeing someone more romantically, they sit her down for The Conversation. Not with the boy, but with the girl. Alone. And it would go something like this:
"Honey, you’re fifteen and you’ve been seeing Mike for some time now. Umm…shall I make an appointment with the doctor for you so you can talk with him about going on the pill? "
To which our teen will either say:
“Ew Mom, gross! We’re just friends!”
or
“Umm…okay, I guess”.
So when the boy has been given permission to “sleep over” , the parents will mainly say, again to the girl. “Be careful and have fun”
The boys parents will say the same and the boys dad will press condoms in his hand an beg him to be careful.
“You two, you know you can’t have sex yet, right? Okay, have a good time tonight and keep us posted.”
Jeez, I hope that poor kid hasn’t been stuck on the porch for the last five months!
That can’t be what happens. That makes sense and isn’t weird with all sorts of hang-ups. No civilized people living above sea level could do such a thing.
After which we all eat raw herring whilst clog-dancing to Golden Earring!
I’m not sure of your point, but you might want to compare the rates of teen pregnancy between the Netherlands and the United States.
Is there something wrong with my settings, or have you actually been stewing about that for 5 months while you crafted the perfect retort? Congrats, dude. I don’t even remember what we were talking about 5 months ago…
Ah, see, that’s where the Dutch have got you.