My daughter has had the same boyfriend for over a year. If they haven’t had sex, they’re damn close. He’s a good kid, cares about her, they have a pretty good stable relationship. Out of all the different scenarios for 17 year old sex, this is a pretty good one.
Beyond me telling her that I’d rather have the bc conversation than the pregnancy one, I leave the topic alone.
I’m not a prude, and I’m not naive.
But if my kids were getting off track, I’d want to know before it was too late. Hence my indecision.
Poor kid, having sex at 17 and OMG she has divorced parents. Really stay out of it, nothing good will come of it. She will make her mistakes and learn from them.
You are a prude because from your language you are at least a bit “funny” about sex at age 17.
That’s at least two years older than when you should be being concerned (so long as equal ages etc etc) and by the way your daughter is definitely having sex.
Also, just imagine as a thought experiment that your daughter was also seeking a bit of rough with a thirty five year old convicted felon who insisted on unprotected sex, and somehow you found out (perhaps the daughter’s friend’s mother told you). Now imagine you confronting your daughter about it. How do you think that would go, given that she hasn’t told you anything about this? I suspect the answer isn’t “successfully”.
Yeah, it’s only a worthwhile thread, situation if she’s being gang raped by her uncles. Who are republicans.
A pregnancy at 17 is not optimal. It’s not the sex, it’s the willingness to be treated like dirt just so she feels loved, and the very real possibility of a pregnancy.
Honey, you don’t know me. You have no idea of when I lost my virginity, how many men I’ve slept with, under what circumstances, how many times I’ve been pregnant. You also don’t know if the ex con is the new boyfriend or the mom.
Sometimes experience tries to save others. It rarely, if ever, works.
,
If my daughter was having sex with a 35 year old, we would have a conversation.
The conversation I would have with him would not be as polite.
It’s all about motivation. I’m a little more motivated than some 35 year old looking for a piece of ass. It wouldn’t be worth his while.
You sound more than reasonable and you seem kind hearted. I agree that sex at this age is a normal milestone, but since her homelife is a little wonky it’s nice to have someone advocate for her and the potential baby (who would be far happier and healthier born to a mature mom). Thanks, fisha, for being available to a troubled kid.
Or you could maintain some perspective and talk about what the situation is, instead of whatever inflammatory situation you wish it would be so people would tell you to intervene? Newsflash: teenagers are emotionally immature. Have a conversation with her if you feel so inclined. But talking to her parents is about the most useless thing you could do, and might even be worse for her. What if her parents freak out and kick her out of the house?
Hey you could work with her on her self esteem, that I would think is very good to do but stay out of her sexlife, it is NONE of you business and it will most probably piss both her and her parents off.
Well you have made two comments that compared the situation you describe in the OP to drunk driving, drug addiction, an abusive relationship, and incest gang rape. Perhaps you are being unnecessarily hyperbolic, I just don’t know.
People are telling you to mind your own business because it’s not any of those things. So stop bringing them up as though they were relevant.
Well, it isn’t just sex. Plenty of teens have sex without bringing unwanted children into the world they aren’t financially and emotionally prepared to raise. An unwanted baby is just as scary as drugs etc. It’s either an abortion, which can be a difficult, expensive decision, or a brand new human being who will require care and resources most 17 year old kids don’t have.
Gang rape and republicans was in response to the poster who said oh, noes, divorce and 17. I interpreted that to mean it was only worthy of caring if it was lurid. You understood exactly what I meant.
A DWI would actually have less repercussions, as would an abusive relationship, than motherhood at 17. I think you guys are more hung up on the sexual aspect of it than me. Again, I don’t care about the sex, I care about her life. Remember that part where I knew about the fwb three months ago, and didn’t feel compelled to say anything?
Okay. Then my advice is to stay out of it with regards to her parents, only mention it to her if she is aware your daughter spoke to you about it, and that’s it.
I wouldn’t tell the parents unless they were friends of mine that I knew well. If someone had told my parents something similar when I was 17 it would have been a very ugly scene and created more problems.
I would not hesitate to talk to the girl. It takes a village.
When I was young our county health department had a program I thought (and still think) was ingenious. They called it the “Julia” program. Essentially, teenagers could be seen and get free birth control in addition to regular pap smears, STD testing and pregnancy testing all without parental consent. If at any time they needed to contact you at home the person calling would identify herself as “Julia” for privacy purposes. Any teenager getting a call or message from “Julia” would know it was the health department calling. I would point your daughter’s friend in the direction of a similar resource.
Is there some reason, left unstated perhaps, why you cannot talk to both of these girls together?
Because that is the first think I’d think of. You don’t even have to reveal that you know about the scare, just that you know she’s sexually active and life at home is suck.
Do not, under any circumstances, think you ‘know’ how her parents ,(in the middle of a divorce!), will react! If you must, get permission from the daughter, at your chat, to do so. Or this girl, who may well need you in future, will never trust you again!
:smack: This mysterious yet wonderful resource that will provide low cost, no-questions-asked thoroughly competetant medical information and assistance with birth control, is called “Planned Parenthood.”
They will not require any consent nor will they tell anyone other than the patient anything unless required by law (ie, a subpoena), they will not call your home without written permission, they will not send mail to your home without written permission, they will help you fill out medicaid forms if you don’t want your parents insurance billed. In my experience they will do move heaven and earth to insure a young women can make informed choices about reproduction.
