I’ve been seeing a lovely woman for about six months now - in fact, six months last weekend, I checked, and I’m a bit sentimental that way at times. She’s the woman I mentioned in this February posting when I said:
My GF and I are now seeing each other exclusively. We use the “L” word in a non-teenager way, I think. We like the same things, share the same faith, enjoy staying in while hibernating on the couch, enjoy playing games, etc. It’s a quiet, adult relationship. The sex is phenomenal, too, so that’s nice.
Not mentioned in that earlier thread were her two daughters. One is 18, moved out, and pretty much out of the picture. I’ve yet to meet her, actually. The other , we’ll call her Vickie, turns 15 this weekend and she’s the problem.
For most of our relationship, at least the serious part, her daughter has been out of the house, a run-away. Once she got picked up by the police, collected by her Mom, and had run-away again by the end of that night. She’s involved with alcohol, drugs, sex, and all that other stuff that makes parents tear their hair out. Some of the behaviors are outright dangerous - rape, abduction, and/or pregnancy are real possibilities. One online man with an AFO address mailed her a digital camera as a present so she could take photos. Her mother confiscated it after she found nude pics of her 14 year old daughter and her friend on it.
She may come by these problems somewhat honestly, as it were. My GF is a widow. Her former husband, Vickie’s dad, killed himself after finding out that his bill collectors finally caught up to him, that his girlfriend was pregnant with their fourth child, and that his wife had finally gotten fed-up to the point that she filed for divorce. He put a gun under his chin and missed. Must’ve flinched - he spent 10 days in the hospital slowly dying. A year later, or so, Vicky’s grandfather, her most favorite in who’s eyes she was perfect, also killed himself after being diagnosed with a terminal disease.
Lots & lots of baggage.
Vicky now wants to live at home, come and go as she pleases, not go to school, and be able to “entertain” her friends in her Mom’s house. She’s stolen her Mom’s prescription drugs, smoked pot in her house, and in general has made life very difficult. All this, of course, on her Mom’s dime. Her Mom has said she can return whenever she wants as long as she’s willing to accept the house rules: no drugs, no alcohol, go to school, keep your room picked up. Simple regular teenage rules. Vickie will not agree to these rules and so remains a runaway. (she plays the my-mom-threw-me-out-of-the-house card and seems to be hopping from friends house to friends house. She has a Myspace account and her Mom keeps tabs on her a bit there. She claims contradictory situations like that she’s living on the street while at the same time she posted that statement from a good internet connection at 1:00 in the morning).
The trigger event for my state of mind is that Vickie was arrested for underage drinking at a party two days ago and will soon be returned to her home as soon as her Mom returns from a trip.
This is getting long but I’ll cut to the chase.
Her Mom is wonderful, almost everything I want in a woman, but I can’t have her daughter around my children. I keep playing “what if” in my head. What if my GF and I are still together six months from now - what if 12 months. I can’t have this nightmare of a girl influencing my children - she’s trouble now and seems determined to remain in trouble. If GF and I are living together in a year, Vickie would just be 16. Colorado has no emancipation for children below 18 and requires school for kids up to 16 years old. Truancy laws her mom responsible for that. You can drop the kid at the front door but she’ll just walk out the back. You can’t chain the kids to the house much as you may wish.
My children are 5, 7, & 10 and I’m in negotiations with my Ex- to start having 50% custody with them. They will be full members of my household in six months or so. I can’t, and won’t, subject them to the kind of trouble that Vickie brings to the table.
I guess I don’t know what I’m asking…
Does anybody have advice for how to deal with this, I guess?