In his will, he left half of his money to Paris Hilton’s dog.
His will also granted the History Channel permission to do a documentary about his life, but only if he is played by Danny DeVito.
WEAPONS GRADE CRAZY, that list.
Kim Jong Un is identical to Kim Jong Il:
Good luck reading this one:
Read the one with the funeral committee. It’s just a long list of names.
As the goalie for the Montreal Canadians, Kim Jong-Il had a perfect season shutting out every team they played against in 2004-5 season, but was only able to score 82 consecutive hat tricks in that season, a record low for his 50 year career. The highlight of the season was on February 2nd, 2005, when he fought the entire Toronto Maple Leaf team and had to kill off the remaining 59:54 of Toronto’s 5 on 3 power plays, yet had 3 shorthanded breakaways in the last minute of the game to preserve the streak. Unfortunately, Kim was sidelined just as the playoffs were beginning with the Bird Flu. During the illness, he had to build, test, and parade the Big Blue Dong Missle in the Spring of 2005 to ease fears that the North Koreans were going to have their entire crop of okra raided by the South Koreans by summer, which in turn, prompted the NHL to suspend the playoffs indefinitely for lack of interest.
Had a big, blue ox named Babe.
Solved the Kobayashi Maru.
Unified general relativity and quantum mechanics.
Simultaneously drove on the parkway AND parked in the driveway.
Turned Anne Heche back to heterosexuality after she broke up with Ellen DeGeneres.
Ate 75 hot dogs in 10 minutes at Coney Island.
Kim Jong-Il…
Was effortlessly in two places at once.
Tattooed Chuck Norris’ ass.
Simultaneously supported both Fudd and Devilbunny, and was adored by both.
As a cast member at Disney World one August, he wore a Goofy suit. The kids flocked to him, tantrums decreased dramatically near him, and the net happiness of both park patrons and staff rose by 3.7 percent that day.
Was responsible for returning the original French-spelling name to the Montréal Canadiens, and accomplished the feat with such diplomacy that Albertans cheered.
Before he was Kim Jong Il he was Kim Jong Superman.
When not ruling North Korea with an iron fist, he was often known to fly over to Great Britan, to the Dunsfold Aerodrome, put on a white racing jumpsuit, a white racing helmet with morrored visors, and drive expensive and exotic supercars around the Top Gear test track…
Some say that in his off hours he is the “Great Leader” of North Korea, and that it’s been rumored that he is often “So Ronery”…
All we know is, he’s called The Sti…err “Kim Jong Il”
They’re serious? That’s not a parody?
EDIT: Come to think of it, what was his plumber told?
That’s insane, everyone knows the correct answer is cranberry.
[quote=“Gary “Wombat” Robson, post:8, topic:606874”]
And then Chuck Norris killed him. The media reported it as a massive heart attack, though.
Why a “massive” heart attack? You’d think a little bitty heart attack would have been adequate. 
[/QUOTE]
Nit picyness in the extreme. I apologize in advance for any levity I have allowed loose. But you can have a small heart attack and never know it (if yer dr.s are tools or you cover up). My Mom had two heart attacks everyone put down to ulcer problems until she had a major heart attack that was easily diagnosed; from space; it was so easy. Just want my 'Dopers to be safe.
Loma Linda Calif. If you’ve gotta have heart attacks, this is THE PLACE TO BE on this coast. Kisses to all her team.
Funny, some disc jockey this morning was reading a list of eccentricities of, “Kim Jong the Second.”
- He would spend an hour every evening trawling the internet, to find anyone insulting himself or mocking his regime. He would then forward the links to the Ministry of Propaganda, so the entire nation could share the evidence of how unreasonable and dangerous the outside world was.
No, that was just a news report you heard, about some dumb thing Rick Perry said.
He didn’t really die of a heart attack. He died because the train he was on was air-conditioned by an electric fan.
I’m no fan of Perry, but the chances that he himself personally writes anything released to the press is probably near zero. So, will he blame a staffer??
From the various stories I read, it seems that some dumb staffer originated this – but I wasn’t sure if Perry himself then went and repeated it. Some of the reports also mention that Bush the Kid made this mistake too.
-He was, in fact, *the *Santa Claus. Sorry kids.
-Used unsalted butter instead of shaving cream
-Used hand sanitizer as a sexual lubricant
-Had an adult-sized rocking horse in his house, which he rode every night while watching European TV
-Used shaving cream as hand sanitizer
-Used hand sanitizer in his baking
(The circle is now complete.)
-Wore that bus driver’s outfit to disguise a vestigial dick he had grafted on while drunk.
-That Pet Rock thing? He started that.
-Liked his White Castles with raw cauliflower.
-Could write in 11 languages but couldn’t read. At all.
-Favorite TV show: Dancing with the Starving.
-Often traveled abroad under the cover identity “Eugene L. McDermott.”
-Under the misapprehension that all Americans liked mountain oysters, he ordered geneticists to breed cattle with atomic balls.
-Favorite ice cream flavor? Placenta.
I heard he liked using KY Jelly with brownies.