Well, a while back I decided to finally give in. I had been receiving several e-mails a day concerned about how terrible my love live was because I didn’t have an ENORMOUS PENIS. These upstanding citizens, totally out of the goodness of their hearts, I’m sure, wanted to make sure I had a DICK SO BIG IT SCARES PEOPLE. They wanted to be sure I was safe in a high wind, because they promised me a THIRD LEG. The capper came when I got an email that revealed: YOUR GIRLFRIEND WISHES YOU HAD AN ENORMOUS PENIS.
I had no idea. I had thought that Ginger was happy with it, but aparently not. Poor, shy girl had been too embarassed to discuss it with me and had sought the help of the EXPERTS IN PENIS SIZE at the WORLD RENOWNED PENIS INSTITUTE in Stockholm, Sweeden. I was devistated. I want my girlfriend to be happy, so I decided then and there to ADD INCHES IN BOTH LENGTH AND GIRTH to my penis, so I called the WORLD RENOWNED PENIS INSTITUTE on their 800 number. (1-800-BIG-COCK)
Peter, my personal penis consultant, was very helpful. He talked me through a series of exercizes, measuring the results at every step, and unfortunately confirmed that my biggest fears were true. I had a truly substandard penis. I was distraught. Fortunately, he had an answer. “PeeWee( his pet name for me. I have always wanted a close friend with whom I could share a private nickname)”, he said, “you need our patented MEGA PENIS system” It was worse than I thought, I needed a whole system. Fortunately, Peter told me that had just one left in stock at the WORLD RENOWNED PENIS INSTITUTE, and after giving my credit card number and promising to mail them my wallet along with the change from the ashtray in my car, he agreed to ship it to me. What a relief! Soon my problems would be over!
4-6 weeks later, my MEGA PENIS system arived. Fortunately, I was at home alone that weekend, and had nothing to prevent me from trying it out. I took the pills, and vigorously aplied the ALL NATURAL GROWTH CREAM to my penis. I then attached the GROW PUMP to my penis and drifted off to sleep, with visions of MY ENORMOUS PENIS dancing in my brain like sugarplums in a child’s head on Christmas Eve.
The next morning, I was awakend by a gental tap on my shoulder. Opening my eyes slowly, I found myself staring down the oval slit of MY ENORMOUS PENIS! I was so excited, I jumped right out of bed and crashed to the floor because my center of balance had radically changed. MY ENORMOUS PENIS helped my to my feet, and the cut on my temple that would later require 15 stiches didn’t seem to matter at all. MY ENORMOUS PENIS and I jauntily walked in lockstep to the bathroom for a look in the mirror. WOW! This was great! I was a little concerned about the cut, but MY ENORMOUS PENIS stiched it up like a Hopkins pro, and we hopped in the shower. I was unable to reach the last two feet of MY ENORMOUS PENIS, but settled for soaking it in soapy water for a few minutes. After that, it was time to go out. I dressed casually in jeans and a T-shirt, but MY ENORMOUS PENIS, aparently wanting to make a good impression on his first day out, wore a tie.
The first person we met was my neighbor Sandy. " Hi, Sandy!" I said cheerfully, " I’d like you to meet MY ENORMOUS PENIS" “AIEEEEEE!!!” She screamed and ran off. Aparently my dick WAS so big it was scaring people, and I felt better, No false advertising from the PENIS INSTITUTE, no siree-bob! MY ENORMOUS PENIS and I went to the bus stop to wait for the #8. It was so darn handy to have MY ENORMOUS PENIS to lean on, because the bench was full of other people, looking at me with what I am sure was awe. The bus came and we got on. Having to pay 2 fares was a bit of a bummer, but I shrugged it off and sat down. I took the aise seat, and MY ENORMOUS PENIS sat by the window. I think he was fascinated by the scenery. We got off in Aberdeen, and went into the Eagles Nest to have a drink. I ordered a beer, but MY ENORMOUS PENIS wanted whiskey, and lots of it. It was a good thing that I held off on drinking, because I beat MY ENORMOUS PENIS several times at pool. If he’d been sober I don’t think that I could have beat MY ENORMOUS PENIS at all. He was starting to get obnoxious, so we left and caught the bus home. ( Two fares again. This is getting old )
At home, MY ENORMOUS PENIS got into the rum, but I wanted to tell all my doper friends about my day with MY ENORMOUS PENIS. He’s playing Nintendo right now, so I have time to write this. Ginger will be home tomorrow, and I can’t wait to see the look of pure lust in her eyes when she sees me and MY ENORMOUS PENIS waiting for her. She’ll be so proud and pleased that I took her suggestion! I just know things will be GREAT in my sex life from now on!
One final note…Doper ladies, I know that reading about MY ENORMOUS PENIS has made you want me more than ever, but I’m a one woman man. I am sorry. Have your men call the WORLD RENOWNED PENIS INSTITUTE, I’m sure they can help them out. Have them ask for Peter, he’s a friend of mine, he’ll hook them up.
