LOL. That’d get a 10 from me.
What do you call a one-legged girl?
Eileen.
What do you call a one-legged girl from Japan?
Irene.
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs lying on the bathroom floor?
Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in water?
Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs lying in a ditch?
Phil.
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a pot of water?
Stu.
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs hanging from a peg on the wall?
Art.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter, he’s not coming when you call him anyway.
Or:
What can you do with a dog with no legs?
Take him out for a drag.
Sequel:
Q: What do you DO with a legless dog?
A: Get a leash, and take him out for a drag.
I’ve been feeling so down about the economy, the war, my job, my marriage, and my health that I’ve considered suicide.
So I called the Suicide Hotline. I got connected to a call center in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked me if I could drive a truck.
Q : What do you call a girl who juggles pints of ale?
A : Beatrix.
Q : What do you call a girl who juggles pints of ale while holding a pool cue under one arm?
A : Beatrix Potter.
Selections from the gang bang song.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Tijuana
Tijuana who?
Tijuana take your mother to the gang bang?
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Eisenhour
Eisenhour who?
Eisenhour late for the gang bang
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ben Hur
Ben Hur who?
Ben Hur over the chair, slap her ass and we’ll have ourselves a gang bang
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Gladiator
Gladiator who?
Glad he ate her before they went to the gang bang
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Jessica Hahn
Jessica Hahn who?
Jessica hahndled Jim Baker’s cock at the gang bang
ad naseum
Did you hear about the North Dakotan who locked his keys in his car? It took him an hour and a half to get his wife and kids out!
Or the Ethnic who got stuck on an escalator?
How do you get a one-armed Ethnic out of a tree? Wave to him.
A man walks into a bar with a dog on a leash and says, “This is a talking dog! If he answers three questions correctly, will you give me a free drink?”
The bartender says, “Sure, you’re on.”
The man says, “OK, Fido. What’s the feel of sandpaper?”
The dog wags its tail and barks, “Rough!”
“What goes on top of a house?”
“Roof!”
“What did an Elizabethan gentleman wear at his collar?”
“Ruff!”
Scoffing, the bartender throws them out of the bar.
Outside the dog says, “Do you think I should’ve said ‘jabot’?”
A man joins an order of monks. On his first day, the abbot explains that in their order, everyone other than the abbot can only speak once a year, and then only two words at a time. He then sends the man off to be instructed by the other monks.
A year later, the new monk comes back and says, “Bed hard.”
The next year, he returns and says, “Food stinks.”
The next year he says, “Room cold.”
The next year he says, “I quit!”
“I’m not surprised,” the abbot says with a scowl. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”
A kid hasn’t spoken a word in his life. His parents take him to all the finest doctors and psychiatrists, but not a one can find anything wrong. He just won’t speak.
Until one day when he’s about 12 years old, and the family is sitting down to dinner. He says “The soup’s cold”.
His parents are ecstatic. “You can speak! Wonderful! Tell us, though, why haven’t you said a word before now?”
He answers “Well, up 'til now, everything’s been fine.”
8 points.
7 points.
Zero points.
6 points.
Gotta give that one 10 points. Way to go, CMOSDES!!
6 points.
Zero points.
Zero points.
Zero points.
Zero points.
5 points. Which, as you may realize, is as low as you can go. 
8 points.
Zero points.
The version I’ve heard is
“Who’s the greates baseball player of all time?”
“Ruth!”
…
“What, I should’ve said that roid-head Bonds?”
Q. Who’s the most popular guy in the nudist colony?
A. The one who can hold a dozen donuts without using his hands.
Q. Who’s the most popular woman in the nudist colony?
A. The one who can eat the last donut without using her hands.
8 points.
7 points.
6 points.
7 points.
6 points. Too obtuse. And why nuns?
Zero points.
7 points.
Zero points.
8 points.
6 points.
6 points.
Zero points.
8 points.
8 points.
Zero points.
Zero points.
Zero points.
Zero points.
5 points, all.
Zero points.
Zero points, both.
Zero points. Old as the hills, that one. 
Zero points. I tell this one a lot.
Zero points. I tell this one a lot as well. Two of my standards, back-to-back. Kinda freaky.
Beatrix sounds like Beer tricks.
Q. What do you call a man with no arms or legs with a shovel in his head?
A: Doug.
Q. What do you call a man with no arms or legs without a shovel in his head?
A: Douglas.