Well I was going to, but I felt a little bad about giving you two 0s in a row. I was gonna wait until you had one I haven’t heard.
If it’s a legit zero, then zero it is.
Hey, I don’t feel bad handin’ them out. 
Yay!
pedescribe, the idea is that conservatives will say liberals are throwing money at the problem even if the solution is working. I was a volunteer for a Democratic campaign when I made that one up.
Well I’m assuming that what you’re really reacting to is the punch line, right? I hadn’t heard that joke told quite that way before, but the punch line was both obvious and within a word or two of the punch line to the version I heard, so I read that as a zero.
The other thing is, it’s your thread and we only have to worry about whether you’ve heard our joke. You have to worry about whether any of us have heard yours, so I was backing off to let you get an actual score.
Probably too much thought and seriousness for this thread, but oh well. 
So this woman sits down next to a guy at the bar … he begins sniffing the air, zeroing in in her direction …
Sniff sniff … sniff sniff … “Can I smell your panties?”
“NO!”
“Oh." sniff sniff … "Well, maybe it’s your feet.”
Heh. I’d give that an 8.
Nixon, Bill Clinton and Ted Kennedy start a law firm. They call it:
“Trickem, Dickem and Dunkem”.
A man goes to his doctor. The doctor tells him, "I have good news and bad news.
The bad news is you have pancreatic cancer and have a month to live."
The man says “Oh my God! Well what is the good news , doctor?”
The doctor replies “You know my receptionist? The 22 year old blonde with the big tits? I’m fucking her”
Six points.
9 points.
Zero points. Times 2.
I suppose you all know the name of the law firm that defended Ted Kennedy in the Chappaquiddick case?
Winem, Dinem, Dicker & Drowner.
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, “What the heck is going on here?”
The drunk, still staring down replied: “I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost!”
A nun walks into Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy of frustration.
‘What troubles you, Sister?’ asked the Mother Superior. ‘I thought this was the day you spent with your family.’
‘It was,’ sighed the Sister. ‘And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.’
‘I seem to recall that,’ the Mother Superior agreed. ‘So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?’
‘Far from it,’ snorted the Sister. ‘In fact, I even took the Lord’s name in vain today!’
‘Goodness, Sister!’ gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. 'You must tell me all about it!
‘Well, we were on the fifth tee - and this hole is a monster, Mother - a 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green…and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted…and it hits a bird in mid-flight!’
‘Oh my!’ commiserated the Mother. ‘How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!’
‘No, that wasn’t it,’ admitted Sister. ‘While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!’
‘Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!’ sympathized the Mother.
‘But I didn’t, Mother!’ sobbed the Sister. ‘And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!’
‘So that’s when you cursed,’ said the Mother with a knowing smile.
‘Nope, that wasn’t it either,’ cried the Sister, anguished, ‘because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!’
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the sister with a baleful stare and said…
‘You missed the goddam putt, didn’t you?’
A group of blondes walk into a bar in an obviously celebratory mood and immediately orders a round of shots. The toast, shouting “6 and a half weeks” and slam the shots back and ask for another round. After repeating this gesture for several rounds, the bartender is curious and asks “Say, what’s the cause of all this celebration?”
One of the blondes replies “Everybody’s always making fun of how dumb we blondes are but we just proved them wrong! We got a jigsaw puzzle that says “3 to 5 years on the box” and we solved it in only 6 and a half weeks!”
8 points.
Zero points. But lots of fun.
Zero points.
Whats yellow, green, and eats nuts?
Gonorrhea.
A group of 40-year-old buddies discuss at length where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses there have low-cut blouses and nice tits.
Ten years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is excellent.
Ten years later, at 60 years of age, the group meets again, and finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke-free.
Ten years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheelchair accessible and they even have an elevator.
Ten years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again, and they discuss at length where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they’ve heard good things about it but have never been there before.
Zero points.