Uh oh, here comes Kanye West …
“Yo Intergalactic, I’m really happy for you, I’ll let you finish, but ElvisL1ves has one of the best jokes of all time. One of the best jokes of all time!”
I’m drawing a bead on Kanye with my 1920s-Style Death Ray…
fuck me! the first 11!
You forgot one:
What do you call using a three legged one eyed donkey who likes country music to pick up girls?
A honky tonky winky wonky woo
<runs out just ahead of the torches and pitchforks>
Trying again. Returning to my childhood prom days, I’m determined to score.
What do you call a midget psychic who recently escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No ideer.
What to you call a deer with no eyes or legs?
Still no ideer.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh (I guess this joke has to be done out loud. Sorry. I’ll just take my 5 pts and get out of your way.)
And post #666 gets a zero. (I gave George Carlin a 10 on that one when I first heard it from him)
Hoo boy.
9 points. Times two.
You’re too hard on yourself.
6 points.
The prisoners were lined up in the yard, at last the Commadant came out to address the men.
“I have some good news and some bad news,” the Nazi snarled.
"First the good news: you soon will all be going to Paris! Each one of you will stay in some of the finest hotels in the world.
“The bad news is you’re going as soap.”
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephant wearing sun glasses?
Nothing, he didn’t recognize him.
Two lawyers are killed in car crash and naturally are whisked off to Hell.
“I’m taking you to the deepest, darkest, dungeons of Hell!” a demon tells one lawyer. As they descend, he wonders where his partner is. They past rooms of unspeakable horror as they go lower and lower down the stairs.
Suddenly, the lawyer sees his partner in a room and he’s making love to a beautiful woman! He can’t believe it!
“I can’t believe it,” he whines. “I’m going to the deepest, darkest dungeons of Hell and my partner gets to make love to a beautiful woman?!?”
The demon turns to him with a snarl. “Who are you to question that woman’s punishment!!”
What’s blue and doesn’t fit?
A dead epileptic.
This one really works better out loud, but here goes…
How do you sell a duck to a deaf guy?
DO YOU WANNA BUY A DUCK?
8 points.
6 points.
Zero points.7 points.
Zero points.
I told it myself upthread.
Bill Clinton dies and goes to Hell. Satan is showing him around, giving him the VIP tour, and explaining the various options of eternal punishment: the lake of fire, the pool of water that always drops lower than you and leaves you desperately thirsty, pushing a boulder perpetually up a hill, demons jabbing you with razor-sharp pitchforks, etc. Finally they come to a door. Satan opens it and there’s Monica Lewinsky, kneeling as she gives Bob Dole a blowjob.
“Whaddya think?” Satan asks Clinton, nudging him.
“All right!” says Clinton. “Looks good to me. I’ll take this option.”
“You got it,” says Satan. “OK, Monica, get up. Bill’s your replacement.”
What does a guy with a ten inch dick have for breakfast?
Well…this morning I had eggs, toast, coffee
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
elephino
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorenna Bobbit?
Are you gonna eat that?
A guy goes to a lawyer for some legal advice. He asks :
- What’s your fee ?
- A thousand bucks per three questions.
- Jesus ! Isn’t that an extremely high rate ?
- Yes it is. What’s your third question ?