Then buy this.
(If you don’t believe me read the customer reviews.)
Comcast’s description of a Have Gun Will Travel episode: “Paladin attempts to help a man and his pregnant wife on Christmas Eve.”
The hotel has no empty rooms and the township is in the process of becoming intoxicated. Paladin gets the couple into a store room the woman lying on his coat. He proceeds as usual to verbally abuse and threaten the drunk guys to shut up and help. Just before the usual shoot out, the baby cries and everyone is suddenly kind. As Paladin rides off with a blanket instead of his coat, he sees a sign-the town is named Bethlehem, Texas.
The description should have read, “Paladin assists in the birth of the Anti-Christ in a small Texas town”.
That was very, very good. Thank you.
Here’s my other favorite. This one I can even sing passably badly: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtZR3lJobjw
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Happy Just-was-Festivus and almost-Christmas to all.
Another lovely day here. Long since up and contentedly wasting the day in fine semiretired style. I “successfully” filibustered through actually getting to the groc store yesterday, so today I must brave the rising frenzy.
Tonight we’ll have SIL & her two grown kids here for dinner. I’m roasting dry-rubbed country pork ribs. On Xmas they’ll be here again along with Aged MIL. I managed to skate this year and they’re doing the majority of the feast prep at SIL’s. I’m mostly providing the venue and the warming ovens.
ruble, I wish my irkplace had a Santa like you.
flyguy, Nashville just won the bid for a MLS team, so I see the kids who grew up playing soccer gravitating towards the sport.
Chilling today. I may take Nelson to the dog park since it’s dried out a bit outside. He’s had the sniffles for about a week. He still plays and all, but has become a real lap puppy later in the evening since it began. If it doesn’t clear up soon, I’ll take him to the vet after the holidays.
Since I will be out for the day tomorrow, I’ll fix Xmas dinner this evening. I picked up some crescent rolls and empanadas at the panderia yesterday, so that takes care of bread and dessert.
Howdy Y’all! Home from deheathenization and through Advent so it is now officially Christmas Eve. 
Ima fix me a sammich for N.O.L. and then achieve nappage.
Like Larry the Croc say ---- Da Google no everyting.
Well, it’s that time of year again - time to produce another Christmas song. Let’s see who’s coming in today. Well, whoever it is, they’re already five minutes late. Perfect!
door opens
Hey, who are YOU guys?
(Hello. We’re der Amish Voodchucks.)
Woodchucks? I’m working with WOODCHUCKS!?
giggles
Uh, all right. Let’s see who we’ve got here. Graeber? (Right here, Tom.)
Carl? (Over here, Tom.)
Barry? Barry. BARRY! (That’s me.)
sighs Are you idiots ready to sing this song?
(Chorus: Ookay!)
Christmas time in Amish land
House is dark, der food is bland
Ve vant toys made by Mattel
Parson says ve’d burn in Hell
All ve ever get is tools
Me, I vant a svimming pool
English boys get cars und trucks
This Amish Christmas sucks
That was very good, Graeber. (Naturally.)
Great bass, Carl. (Thanks.)
Uh, Barry, I’m having a little trouble hearing the ‘k’ in ‘trucks’. Watch it next time. Barry? Barry. BARRY! (Yah, right. Who died und made YOU Parson?)
(Here ve go!)
Der Parson says dat Santy Claus
Breaks a lot of Amish laws
He made us give our candy back
Den he dyed our turkey black
Ve vant a brand-new milking stool
I still vant a svimming pool
English boys get G.I. Joes
Oh, Amish Christmas blows
(Vun more time!)
English boys get G.I. Joes
Oh, Amish Christmas blows
That was very good, fellas. All right, that’s a take.
(Vat do you mean, that’s a take? Ve vant to sing it again.)
(Yah, ve vant to sing it again.)
Ah, no, fellas. That’s enough. I’ve got other people coming in.
(Vat do you mean, other people?)
(Vat other people?)
(Yah, we want to sing it again!)
Look, I’ve got a life.
(So vat, we can’t sing it again?)
(Ve vant to sing it again.)
(Ya, let’s sing it again!)
No, no. There is no time.
(Aw, come on.)
No.
(Come on, Tom, please?)
Look. That’s it. You guys get out of here. Out! Ooouut! (No. Ve’re not leaving until ve get to sing it again.) (Yeah, ve’re going to sing it again!)
(Here ve go:)
No, I’m finished. You don’t understand: FINI.
(No, I’m Barry.)
(Und I am Carl.)
(Und I’m Graeber.)
(Und ve’re da Amish Voodchucks.)
Well, I’m outta here. Bye.
(Vere you going?)
I’m outta here.
(Don’t go.)
See you.
(Ve vant to sing it again.)
Bye.
(Gee. Ve should have had Bob produce this song.)
(Ya. Bob’s funny.)
giggle
Stupid 7s matches, an American aversion to actual open bloodshedding, and us Colonials being basically wusses. Of course having been a semi-professional/club level hooker may have something to do with my opinion. And the fact that two of my dentists were able to retire young. But that’s beside the point.
We’re in mid-turkey prep. Today we’re have turkey dinner with half the family. Tomorrow we have beef roast with another big group. Part of the first group is going to the East Coast to see husband’s family. They leave Christmas Day, and we want to see them, so party the first. Party the second, my cousins had work and a long drive, so they can’t get here until Christmas. Voila, two parties.
Dragging a bit today. More coffee.
Just finished the weaving - It’s a good looking afghan and i hope my son-in-law likes it. I still need to knot and trim the fringe. Kids just got here - ho ho ho!!
Dinner was salad with red and green peppers as well as button mushrooms and some sliced steak; quite festive in keeping with the season. Other than that have been watching the Cowboys SUCK!
Hubby cooked a prime rib. A smidge overdone but we shant waste a morsel. Tomorrow we shall cook a ham and munch on it all week. I have a nice chilled bottle of Champers chilled for mimosas in the AM.
All is right with the world I guess.
Merry Christmas everyone. I want a puppy now since reading about Ripple and **Nelson. **. Fun fun and more fun.
So here I sit all purtified for Christmas Mass deheathenization. I don’t need to be there until around nine-thirty. If only there were some kind of thing or entertainment medium where one could while away the time lookin’ at stuff from all over the world.
I’m amazed that they can intentionally ‘screw up’ by changing normal lyrics & tunes & numbers out of sequence & yet somehow manage to NOT screw up.
You could watch TV; it has news & shows from all over the world. 
America Online provides all sorts of stuff!
Nothing says the holidays like spending six hours in the ER, with the maternal unit and her ever-increasing Dementia. Exhibiting a TIA in front of me means 911 is my friend. The hospital is puzzled they have never seen her, but she has not set foot in one for a decade and a half. As the afternoon droned on, she got more and more agitated, tying knots in the sensor leads, removing the auto blood pressure cuff and other assorted weirdness. When I asked her for the third time to desist, the barrage of nastiness I got back made me say “Have a good night, see you tomorrow”, pick up her shoes and shirt for safety, and exited, stage left.
Five miles down the road, I’m talking to the attending, and being asked if I was in the medical field. No, I explained, I’ve just had 3 TIA’s… Then she pulled everything out and stomped down the hall, leaving a trail of blood. When stopped by the nurses, she came up swinging.
Fun Times!
Well shoot Alien. Sorry to hear it. {{{hugs}}}
I’m on turkey duty and when I woke just before 4, I started thinking. So I’m up. The bird is on the counter coming to room temp and it’ll go in the oven around 5 for slow-roasting. My MIL doesn’t have a meat thermometer, dammit, so it’ll be a bit of a guessing game and I don’t want it to be underdone, but I don’t want it dried out either. It’s so hard being me!!!
SIL likes his afghan, so there’s that. Daughter has planned a couple of games for the gift exchanges, so it should be a fun afternoon, assuming asshole BIL behaves himself. I shall try to keep a good attitude - HO HO HO!!!
Meanwhile, Merry Christmas to all of my Mumper friends! You make every day just a little brighter and a lot weirder! MWAH!!!
Morning Mooommmm. Turkey duty Eh?
I don’t know why am awake at this ungodly hour except I heard the Deer in the trash and had to pee. So somsone has a nice surprise this morning cleaning up the trash.
We had a prime roast of beef last night so a ham shall be cooked today and I will finally get that tater salad i’ve been craving for two weeks.
Merry Christmas all youse that celebrate. Happy Moanday for,those that don’t.
The house is smelling turkey-licious, Higgs is snoring beside me, and everyone else is asleep. Wish I could doze off, too.
I was just thinking - next year, there will be 2 babies at the family gathering. My grandbaby will be about 8 months old and my niece’s baby will be a month younger. The next youngest family member is my nephew, and he’s 27. It’s been a long time since we had kids at holiday time. I may actually de-grinchify!!!
Happy Moonday!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
It’s a windy 30 degrees outside BRRRRRRR!
I woke too early, but now I need to start getting ready to head out for the armpit.
I am not looking forward to it, getting ready, heading out, not the armpit. I’d rather go back to bed.
{{{Alien}}} Sorry about your mom and the ER.
I won’t be doing any cooking today. Everything is done except the baking of the ham. All the side dishes are salads. I told my mother do NOT ask me to bring donuts this year, because last year I drove all over the place looking for a Dunkin’ Donuts that was open.
Butters Puppies are fun but they are work. I was spoiled with Mackie, he was never a normal puppy to start with and he was always pretty quiet and lazy. He had the F’ you attitude, but he never did much wrong that had to be corrected. Ripple is a normal bratty puppy, and I found out from the breeder that he was the ring leader and instigator of the litter. He was easy to housebreak, a Shar Pei trait, but the zoomies, and the chewing, and the nipping, and getting into things that are not his business to get into. I think I am going to have to buy a taller trash can. With a lid. I thought about getting one with a sensor that opens the lid for you but I’m afraid he’ll figure out how to work it.