Let’s make a list of things real men should never say. (PC people: it’s just a joke. Anybody who gets offended should bite me.)
Real men should never say:
“precious” unless followed by the word “metals”
They should never, under any circumstances, call somebody’s clothes an “outfit” or call a shirt a “top”.
Hmmm, things men should never say. I should be good at this. I’m a man and I never say…jeez I know there’s something…I never say…“Hi Bill, nice ass!” Yep, that’s definately something I’ll never, ever say. [sub]Unless my real name happened to be Bill and me(being Bill of course) were looking into the mirror at my wonderfully un-sculpted buttocks.[/sub]
ok, so since this is just for fun i’ll play. never, male female or any combination of the two,refer to a curtain or shade as a window treatment
and you probably shouldn’t mention that you like to look at your own ass in the mirror!
I didn’t mention that!!! [sub] It just slipped out! [/sub]It is a nice heinie tho’! 
A thing a man should never say is:
“I feel so bloated, I hate that time of the month.”
Cool I’m gonna like this thread! Heres mine:
“That Barry Manilow is one cool Mother Fucker!”
While at the gym with your buddy:
“Come on pal; give me just one more push and we’ll hit the showers.”
“Did you see Oprah yesterday?”
“Thats sooo cute…”
I’ll be back with more later.
Duct tape won’t fix that.
Little Debbie snacks have too many fat grams.
Her breasts are just too big.
Sometimes I just want to be held.
That chick on Murder She Wrote gives me a woody.
Our team lost 10-1. But we tried our best, and after all, that’s the important thing.
I can’t stop fantasizing about Dr. Ruth!
I think those big, jacked-up trucks look ridiculous.
Want all my tools? I just realized I never do anything useful with them!
I’m deeply offended by young women who go bra-less.
Our team lost 10-1. But we tried our best, and after all, that’s the important thing.
Hell with Monday Night Football, let’s watch Murphy Brown.
Ooh! Quiche.
I’m sorry.
I forgive you.
You hurt my feelings.
do these pants make my ass look fat?
i’d love another piece of cheesecake, but it goes directly to my thighs
oooh! i love beaches, it makes my cry every time!
Light beer
Your skin looks dry, have you tryed “AVON Skin So Soft”?
Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to…
I think I’m lost.
I’d better stop at a gas station and ask for directions.
Lady, please take your head out of my crotch.
Is this ball game ever going to be over?
That sounds like an awful lot of money for a power saw.
This will be my first posting ever. I joined for the holes in your underwear thread but found this one before I got to it, hey I’m a guy, I’m not picky. 
Sorry for the lil ol hijack.
I could eat you with a spoon (cannibals are exempt as are really kinky people who actually mean it).
Thongs are just to revealing.
Screw Marsha Brady, I like Alice.
I’ll have the half portion.
Lite dressing, on the side.
I’ll take a zima.
Oh, I’ll just nibble off of your plate.
I just can’t get my whites as bright as yours.
I’d better not if I want to fit into those jeans by Friday.
Bob, you have to tell your wife you’ve been cheating on her with an 18 year old french model. (sorry bob, your check bounced)
ummm…
“Shopping will perk you up”
“I’ll just have a salad”
“Those shoes, with THAT outfit?”
“If you would just get in touch with your inner child”
“Anyone need to go to the men’s room?”
“Motorcycles are dangerous”
“Sorry honey, I can’t hear you, let me turn this football game down”
“Well sure, she has great boobs and a nice ass, but what about the REAL her?”
“Teal or sea-green?”
“I can’t fix this, I’d better take this to a professional”
More as they hit me…
“Yes”
When responding to a woman who asks them ‘Do I look fat?’
Refer to any color as “pastel”
Sure, I can put that together, just let me read through those instructions first.
(Instructions are a last resort ONLY. Never let her catch you reading them.)
This…damn… brastrap is really… digging into my… shoulders.
What? You are out of tampons? No, no, please. Allow me to go to the store and get some.
I love wine coolers.
That stripper who lives next door propositioned me when I told her I was offended by her nude sunbathing… I certainly told her off!!
Porn movies are boring. Let’s get Fried Green Tomatoes.
I don’t want to go golfing today. Fred will be there and he’s being a real bitch lately.
I need more shoes.
I think the couch should be over there… Nope, doesn’t work. Maybe over there…
Hey mom. Do you ever get that “not so fresh” feeling?