Alright, I know that there are probably countless other threads about this and I’m not even sure where this thread belongs, so could you all just be nice and guide me right now that I’m seriously sad and lonely and in need of advice?
Well you see, I broke up with my boyfriend today, my boyfriend of exactly seven and a half months. I guess it’s all just one big cliche, I’m miserable at home because no matter where I go something reminds me of him and an’t seem to hate him. I know it sounds pitiful but I still love him and know perfectly well that there’s no chance I’ll ever go out with him again. Especially after his oh so cliche “I see you as a friend more than a girlfriend speech”
Well I’m sorry for rambling but do any of you have advice for me on how to get over this? I almost started crying in the middle of english class today and I don’t think my teachers would respond well to me in tears.
Repeat to yourself as often as needed: “This will get better.” Truly, it may not seem like it now, but you will get over this.
In the meantime, do you have someone there to talk to? Talking helps. Then, when you are sick of talking, get that person to go with you to a movie (NOT a romantic movie!) or the mall or whatever you liked to do in the past. Even–actually, especially–if you do not feel like doing something, do it anyway. Sometimes you have to fake it for a while. If you wait to feel better before doing something, it will take longer.
Best of luck with the broken heart. NO ONE ever thinks their heart will heal, but they do. Take it from one who has been there.
Does he attend the same school as you? I ask because minimizing contact is a good place to start. Keeping your mind occupied constantly can also be helpful. Trying to stay busy, similarly, can help. Time can make it easier, but only if you really believe it. And remember, there are a lot of other guys out there, and you’ll meet one who is more compatable with you. I hope that doesn’t sound trite, as all these things have helped me in the past.
Birdman,
Yes he does attend the same school, he’s on the guys soccer team, Im on the girls soccer team, they practice together a lot, I’m dreading soccer season. At least I don’t have most of my classes with him anymore, though due to the odd scheduling at my school he will always be next door. I do try to keep busy, mindless activity helps, thanks a lot for the advice, I really appreciate it.
Brynda,
How exactly do I avoid all the romantic stuff? The radio is NOT my friend, neither is the TV. And a few of my friends currently have SOs. I do have people to talk to though. Thanks, I guess I needed to hear that it will get better… eventually.
Well, I think that this could be useful if I was really stupid. Does anyone else just forget to eat when they’re sad?
I was really in a bad place earlier this yeear cause I liked a guy who was disintersted… Yeah, I did forget to eat for a few days, and there WAS a light at the end of the tunnel. It gets better eventually.
Thanks Dijon, I needed that. You can thank my now ex-boyfriend for the name, he used to call me his “pretty kitty” and when we went to Knott’s berry farm I got a “crown” of flowers with ribbons trailing down my back and I was convinced I was a fairy princess and we coined the name Fairy Princess Kitty.
I guess I will get over it, I can’t believe he used a line as cliche as that though. The pitiful part is that if he asked to get back together right now, I would be alll for it. Pitiful ain’t it?
No, it’s not pitiful; it’s perfectly understandable. Feelings you have for someone don’t shut off like a lightswitch just because the other person changes their mind. They take time to cool, and while they’re still strong, the impulse to take the person back “no matter what” is very real. I went through the same thing with an ex, because I kept wanting it to work. No matter how much crap she dumped on me, I was still willing to take her back if she wanted. It was a ‘maybe this time everything will come out okay’ thing. Didn’t want to abandon hope. Turned out to be a major waste of time for me.
That’s not to say things don’t turn around from time to time. I used to work with a woman who’d been married 35 years, and eventually divorced her husband. She moved out, got a second job, bought a house, started dating and everything. I predicted from the get-go that given their history together (35 years, three kids, three grandkids), that things would work out eventually. It took a few years, but now they’re back together (even had a second wedding), and things are better than ever for them.
One thing is for sure, though: breakups ALWAYS suck. No matter what. I hate that.
(I’ll agree about his line being cliche (that’s the pitiful part, if you ask me), and I don’t believe in it, either. All of the most successful relationships I’ve ever known were ones where the partners were best friends. I’ve never understood how thinking of someone as a friend prevents them from being more than that. I’ve always thought it helped. Why date someone who isn’t your friend?)
One more hug for {{{FPK}}}. Hope things go well. Keep us posted, if you want. We’re all floating out here, somewhere.
Dijon, thanks, I knew I’d find someone like you that understands what I’m going through and seems like they actually care. I just wanted you to know that I really appreciate it and I send ya lots of hugs.
Oh and a little update I think it all might work out, I won’t lose him as a friend at least. We’re okay with each othr, I still get teary eyed at times but I guess we’ll work it out. He’s taking on that whole big brother-ly role. I kinda like it because at least we’re close as friends but it hurts so much inside to know how much we used to mean to each other.
I know it feels sad, but relationships can change shape in a lot of ways, not just along the shrink/grow axis. It’s possible that if he’s thinking of you more as a friend than SO, it might be because you mean more to him now, if that doesn’t sound too strange. It may be just that the growth is along a different axis, or something equally vague in a metaphorical way…:rolleyes: A big-brother/little-sister bond can be deeper in a lot of ways than a boyfriend/girlfriend one…just not in all the same ways. Lots of dimensions to work with in a relationship.
Hopefully, staying friends will work out (and as the relationiship continues to progress, it may hit another bf/gf type of phase–maybe one more permanent), and may turn out to be for the better. Like I mentioned about the lady I worked with, divorce turned out to be just what her marriage needed. If they had either tried to stay together, or considered the divorce final, neither of them would be happy now.
Keep possibilities open, take things as they come, and let them run their course. There’s no telling where the two of you will be a year from now, so try no to hurt too bad just yet.
And now this gushing testimonial. I had dinner this evening with my ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend. This girl, whom I dated for two separate stretches of time totaling three years, and this guy, one of my best friends at one time, got together two years ago, right after she and I broke up. Actually, she left me for him. I went through a very long period of anger, sadness, and depression. The last few times I’d seen them were difficult and handled badly on my part. But tonight we all hung out together, and it was really plesant. I found I was truly happy for them. The sense of personal loss I formerly felt had vanished. I don’t know when this happened, but I’m glad it did. I’m finally over her, something I once thought would never happen.
Kitty, hopefully it goes smoother for you (I’m a bit bull headed, which didn’t help any). I hope you’ll accept that from a bird (don’t eat me please).
Birdman, of course I won’t eat you, I’m a nice kitty, really… I don’t bite, well unless provoked but that’s completely different, right? thanks for the story, it helps to know that I have someone there that’s been there and got over it. It gives me a little hope.
dpr, thanks, I know that he probably doesn’t deserve me if hre’s going to act like that, my friend Jenna told me the same thing after I burst into tears on the bus this morning (pitiful isn’t it?) I would take him back so easily though, that’s why I find it so sad, if I could just turn around and hate him I wouldn’t have a problem I’d just avoid him but I still do love him. Oh well.
Dijon, I can’t seem to thank you enough. You’re really very right about the growing and changing relationship thing. When I first met my ex I couldn’t stand him, I thought he was an arrogant, overachieving ass with nothing on his mind but school and his grade, sure it’s an Academy but who says we have to act like it? After I got to kno him and convince him that you do not live your life for a report card I got to really like him, he was a great guy and he would give me advice for a guy I liked at the time. Oddly enough we ended up going out and had a great relationship and now he’s my older brother. Thanks for giving me that little bit of hope for the future, if it doesn’t happen then maybe it just wasn’t really meant to be. If I can keep your comforting advice on my mind then maybe I’ll be able to avoid crying in public anymore… I hope.
Well I love you all lots and lots, thanks bunches and hugs to all of you.
Hmmm, I notice most of the people writing relationship stuff are around 20! Yep. this seems to be common for that age.
Fairy Princess Kitty it is called ‘romantic withdrawal’…like drug withdrawal, how long it last varies from person to person. If you must know, Im sure he must be feeling the same. Men don’t come out with their feelings too much in that area.
One thing you can do Kitty is to try and go off on a tangent, or even perpendicular to what you are doing now.
That is - find something to do, somewhere to go, some hobby, some activity, author to read, whatever - that is completely different from whatever you have done before. Go hiking in new parks. Read books by completely different authors. Listen to completely different music - if you’re into “Country” music, try “Rage Against the Machine” instead. Buy some types of clothes you would have never worn before. Perfume you’ve never tired. Go shopping at a new mall. See a movie or play you would never have gone to, or go to the symphony if you never have. Even ask another girlfriend you have known but never really been “close” to to go and see these movies, shop, or whatever with you.
You could even try being a lesbian, like myself. (Oops! OK, that one’s not serious, but I had to put some humor in here. )
See what I mean? You can use these sad times as a justification to try and do things you have never done before, and become a richer person as a result. Sure, you may not care for many of them, but they will get your mind on other things, and you may learn some new things about yourself. It will help you to move on, and show you are not stuck in a rut, so to speak.
squeakles softly at Birdman’s reprimand
I’m sorry Birdman, I’m just so used to being able to take just about anything in stride that breaking down in tears and being miserable for this long just seems absolutely pitiful to me. Especially when my ex seems to be taking everything perfectly well, as if it doesn’t affect him at all. That doesn’t exactly help my state of mind when I’m tearing up over sappy songs.
Anthracite, I just might try that, even if it is just to spite him. He hated the fact that I wasn’t “girly” I’ve been a tomboy most of my life, I guess it comes from having two brothers and a sister I don’t get along with. I didn’t change for him, I didn’t really want to. So now that I’m more okay with “looking like a girl” I could try to go all out for once and do the whole make up every day and skirts and dresses and girly clothes thing just to try it out. Show the boy what he lost.
As a matter of fact, from hearing hundreds of stories from straight people & gay people about seperating from their partners, straight people seem to have this experience far easier emotionally for some reason. shrug.
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