I love you, rigs. And thanks, everyone, for being patient with me.
Okay. :: deep breath ::
So like, at the beginning of this week I was complaining about how That Guy is just now saying he wants to be with me after it’s too late to do anything about it, right? I sent him a snarky email to that effect, saying, “Well, gee, I want to stay too, and I’ve only told you this fifty billion times, but it’s too late now, isn’t it? Unless you’re going to marry me. I hear green card marriages are worth couple thousand dollars these days.”
He came over today, like he usually does on Fridays. At first I thought he’d come to his senses and had decided that there’s not much to be done now except enjoy the last two months we have together. We made small talk about stuff: classes, etc., and eventually got around to serious talk. He told me how he’d been complacent, how he thought that I’d end up staying anyway regardless of what went on with us, since I obviously did not want to go back to Korea at all. I told him that I wanted to stay as much as ever, but it was just unrealistic and stupid for me to do so at this point. I also told him honestly that I might have fought harder to stay if we had an actual, you know, relationship.
He admitted that he’d been stupid and cowardly and had realized how much I meant to him too late. I observed that we’re just very different people. “I do things impulsively; you overthink everything. C’est la vie.”
Then he took a deep breath. “Okay. Could you just listen to me and not freak out for a few minutes? Just . . . just listen.”
And then he dropped the bombshell that he broke up with Victorian Heroine and that he wanted to marry me so we could be togther.
I think my mind just kind of blanked for a second.
He obviously had given this a lot of thought. He talked about visa fees and lawyers and how he had enough money saved up to do this. He talked about selling his drum set and his father’s wedding ring heirloom. He talked about flying to Korea so he could meet my parents.
I interrupted him. “Meet . . . meet my parents?”
He gave me a funny look. “Well, if we did get married, of course. What do you think they’ll say?”
I couldn’t even answer him, I was so flabbergasted. So not only was he suggesting marriage, he was suggesting, like AN ACTUAL MARRIAGE. Not for the sake of a green card. Really, really, getting married, having a wedding, telling our family and friends kind of marriage.
It’s so strange. It’s like I’ve been begging for a chocolate bar and someone has offered me ownership of Godiva.
Ironically, our positions have changed. Now it’s him being decisive and me being terrified.
I don’t know what to think. Apparently That Guy asked Minister’s Lad for advice, and Minister’s Lad was all, “Dude, slow down, seriously.” Sound advice, I think.
I haven’t decided anything yet, obviously, but for the moment I haven’t changed my mind about going back to Korea, at least for a few months. No matter what we decide, I think it would be wise to give ourselves some time apart, just to make sure this isn’t something he’s doing on a whim, or some weird chivalrous impulse. I have to say, though, I was flabbergasted by his sudden set of balls, so to speak. I mean, up til now it’s always been me saying, “If you really want to be with me, then be with me! All your worries are just excuses!” and him saying, “But what about all these problems blahblahblah.” And now, he’s like, “I love you. I want to be with you. We can do this,” and I’m like, “Holy shit, you are insane.”
My life is weird.
I tested the waters with my mom today. I told her that I’d been dating a friend (white guy) for the past year now but that I didn’t tell her because I wasn’t sure if it was going to ever be serious (half-truth), but now it might be and that I wanted her to know. She was . . . trying to be encouraging, but I could see that the idea of a non-Korean son-in-law kind of freaks her out. Heavens know what my dad is going to say.
Although it might not even come to that, I supopse.
I feel a bit calmer now. It was just so much to take in, and now I’m just very confused.
Off to bed. Thanks for listening. 
