My favorite, learned from these boards, is a little hard to write.
A humpback whale walks into a bar, goes up to the bartender, and says AWOOOGGUGUGUGGOOOOWEEEOOOOO!
A pirate walks into a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrr
A guy walks into a wedding reception. He goes up to the bartender and asks,
“Is this the punch line?”
Or have one thread about loving sheep.
Sorry Hal!
A man walks into a bar and sees two redheaded men talking in a corner.
“So Where ye from?” says one.
“Ireland” Says the other
" Ireland, ahh, me too, nothing like the ould sod, Let’s Drink to Ireland!"
“Now where do ye hail from in Ireland?”
“County Cork” says the other,
“Why, I grew up there meself. Let’s Drink to 'ol County Cork”
“Where did ye go to school?” “St. Joseph’s Class of 67” "
“Me too, and Class of 67 to boot! let’s Drink to St Joseph’s”
" Well What Was Yer Mother’s name?"
“Ahh, Me sainted Mother’s name was Mary.”
" Mine, too, let’s drink to me mother!"
The man turns and remarks to the bartender, “Wow, what an amazing coincidence!”
The bartender Says “Nahhh sure’n it’s just the O’Malley twins getting drunk again!”
Two men walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
My favorite.
Amwiab and sits down and orders a beer. He has a tiny head. The size of an orange.
The patrons and bartender sort of work there way around to getting him to talk about himself, with out mentioning his incredibly odd sized head.
Well, he finally says he was drunk on the beach, and he saw a beautiful mermaid. A magical mermaid. She offered him three wishes. He said he thought he was hallucinating, but wished for something to eat.
Granted she says. A ham sandwich appeared.
Then he said he wished for a drink.
Granted she says. A bottle of gin appeared.
Feeling much better, he then asked her for a head the size of an orange.
A man walks into the bar where this is a sign in the window that read “If you can make my horse laugh i will give you $1000.”
He tells the bartender that he can make his horse laugh. The bartender gives him the go ahead, so he walks over to the horse and whispers into his ear. The horse then falls on the floor laughing. He collect his money and leaves.
A next day, the man walks past the same bar and see a sign in the window that read “If you can make my horse cry I will pay you $1000.” The man walks in, the bartender gives him the go ahead, so he whispers into the horses ear again and the horse starts crying.
The bartender says to the man “Before i pay you, you have to tell me what you said to the horse.”
The man replies, “To make him laugh, I told him that my cock was bigger than his. To make him cry, I showed him.”
I colon walks into a bar and the bartender says “Don’t you start any shit in here.”
Three ghosts crash into a bar, spin around and around the room tearing everything up howling and whailing until they whooshed back out the door and flew away.
“Who were they?” Asked a patron.
“I don’t know,” replied the bartender. “But they sure were three sheets to the wind.”
you know, that’s pretty pathetic that I couldn’t keep my animal patron straight in my bar joke. :smack: wtf?
The best part? I don’t even drink.
But I think I found the answer
Except this is backward. The bear punched the gorilla.
A guy buys a bar near Gallaudet University. The former owner is handing him the keys and letting him know the tricks of the trade when the subject of the deaf students comes up. He shows the new guy the signs for “beer” and “whiskey” and then tells him “Don’t worry - they are terrific customers - just be sure to shut them down after three drinks. Never let them get 4 or more drinks in them”.
So the guy opens and right at 1 oclock a rush of deaf students comes in. He sees the sign for “beer” and he hands them a beer. The sign for “whiskey” and he shoots them a shot. But in all this he loses count. Next thing you know one frat boy starts swinging his arms in wide circles and spinning around and as the booze flows more join in mostly doing the same movements. The new owner can’t figure this out and calls the old owner and says “Come quick!!! Somethings happening and I have no idea what it is!!!” Well, the old owner walks in and looks around and says “You let them have more than 3 drinks, didn’t you? Don’t tell me different - I can tell!!!”
The new guy owns up as how he lost track and most of them could have 5 or 6 drinks in them but asks the old guy how he knew so fast. “Easy” the old owner said “You got them all singing now”.
bad link.
I like the shorter version: A baby seal walks into a club.
What the I don’t huh?
(he asked for a little head)
I thinks it’s supposed to be for those of us that know the old punch line “I asked her for a little head.” Thinking that’s gonna be the punch line here, the reader gets surprised with 'he then asked her for a head the size of an orange." I laughed.
Yay x-ray vision!
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both proceed to get soused and the giraffe passes out. The man is about to leave when the bartender says “you know you can’t leave that lyin’ there.” And the guy says “oh that’s not a lion that’s a giraffe!”
Man, those typographer bars are tough…