You look fine from here…
I, most often, just get slapped.
Take it at face value. You take the time to be concerned about your appearance. It’s no different from somebody complimenting you on your clothes (blouse, whatever). That is part of you. That they only mention one part - well, would you give them the time to comment on everything they see? I probably wouldn’t. So let 'em talk. If they say something that pisses you off in particular, tell 'em. Otherwise, phaggidabbadit! Appearance doesn’t say everything about a person, but it can say something. You can hide from the world, or you can deal with it (see Grean Bean’s post above).
Tell me about it. I’ve been skinny since I hit my growth spurt at about 14. Since then I’ve been told that fact at least twice a week - works out to about 2,200 times. My response is usually a bit on the rude side, I’m afraid.
How about a nice glass of milk?
Well that’s easy. No one here has seen me.
I know how it is though. My mom used to bug me about my arms, which she thought were too skinny compared to my legs. Well excuse me if I don’t want to look like Jonny Bravo, damn.
So, alice, is an honest compliment O.K.? I’ve given those to you in the past, and now I’m paranoid.
“Hey, you look good today”. Is that supposed to mean that I look like crap on other days? If what you mean to say is “you got dressed up more than usual today and it looks good on you” then say that, fools. I had a woman in my office who did it to me all the time. Drove me nuts.
Ignore them, Alice. Not easy, but you have to do it.
Ditto on the nice blouse. Shouldn’t you be wearing some pants or something with it? :: d&r ::
Small steps, small steps my friend - pants come next week.
Listen, if someone says “You look nice today.” or “Gee, that’s a pretty blouse.” or even “You changed your hair, it looks nice.” all of these things are fine. Pleasant, even.
But microscopically disceting me just makes me feel parinoid. And frankly, why the hell is my weight anyones business anyway? Who the hell spontaniously tells someone that they’ve gained weight?
And guys, put yourself in my place - you’re at the gym and some guy you’ve never met before says “Hey - you’ve got a great ass!” I don’t know about anyone else, but my frist response is “why are you looking at my ass?”
Uh, Billy, as far as I’ve ever been able to discern, “to look nice,” in the context you mention, does not mean “to look presentable;” it means “to look like you dressed up.” Thinking about it, I don’t think I’ve ever heard “S/he looks nice” describing a person in general, or being used to mean “S/he looks presentable.” (I’ve heard “S/he always looks nice,” meaning “S/he always looks like s/he dressed up.”)
I think it’s possible that “you look good today” really does mean what the woman was using it to mean. I know I take it as a compliment. Perhaps you could be somewhat more charitable.
On another note, to the assembled multitude: thanks for the information re. blouses. Now, does hair count as body or clothing?
matt, one could never go wrong complimenting a woman’s hair.
So, I guess that saying * Your pancreas looks lovely today* is out of the question ?
Hey, that’s a swell medula oblongata!
“The color of that dress looks very nice on you.”
“Your latisimus dorsi look lovely today…”
Not so much.
Then what’s the point? Is that a compliment for the designer, or your taste? Is a person’s taste in clothing any less superficial than another person’s taking interest in your body parts?
Maybe, but it’s a lot less personal. Besides, clothing (and it’s state) are chosen by the person, and it’s something they have control over - it says something about the person. There are often limits to what one can do with one’s own body.
EVERYTHING says something about you! There’s a very superficial statement that goes something like “You can tell a lot about a person by the car they drive.” The same thing goes for clothing or physical appearance in general. It’s NOT ANY less personal or less superficial. There are limits to what one can do with one’s body and clothing. Is one easier to change than the other? Depends on the person.
Dearest Lady Dopers, if I might take the liberty of speaking on behalf of the not-so-fairer sex, we hereby solemnly swear to try to come up with something better than the aforementioned half-assed compliments, if you would kindly refrain from asking us “So…notice anything different?”. Please just shoot us instead. Thanks.
alice, As to “why people think any of these comments are appropriate or warented”…hu gnows? People are instantaneously overwhelmed with stupidity all the time. Just remind yourself that your dazzling radiance melts them into blithering idiots. They can’t help themselves. BTW, you do have a nice ass. (Well, what else was I supposed to say? You’re the one not wearing any pants.)
I’m no trying to invalidate your rant here at all. If it bothers you then I understand the ranting.
I’d just like to say that I would love it if someone would come up to me and say “You’ve lost weight!” That is mainly because I have been working very hard to lose weight and have managed to lose 10 pounds so far. Not one** person has commented on my weight loss. It makes me wonder if it is noticeable at all and is a bit discouraging.
Now I know that I’m supposed to be losing weight for myself, better health, blah blah blah…and I am doing that but it would be nice to know that it is also making a positive difference in my outward appearance. Maybe I’m vain, shallow or lack self-esteem, but it would feel good to know that other people have taken notice of my hard work.
**I’m not including people who know about my diet who are close to me (i.e. my husband) who are conciously trying to give me encouragement. While that is also good, I think it may be biased.
**Tevye[b/] has a very good point; however, most of the time, comments such as the ones described by **Alice[b/] are totally inappropriate. No one with an ounce of manners would ever make such statements. But I really have to say that this thread does kind of look like an excuse for the OP to tell us how hot she is. Not that I mind…really.
Uh…that would be Tevye and Alice…