“He scored right off the bat when he got the song title ‘U Can’t Touch This!’”
True story! I saw it last night on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune.
Lickalottapus.
“I’m taking up a collection. So far I’ve collected fifteen hundred bucks.”
‘I’m five feet, four inches tall and I’m white from the top o’ me head to the tips o’ me toes. Except for me arsehole, which is brown; spelled B-R-O-W-N.’
‘Tour all Ura, Lura? Too raw, Lura! Lie!’
‘Pardon me, Roy. Is that the cat that chewed the new shoes?’
“David and the Four Skins.”
‘They only play ragtime.’
‘It’s the plumber!’
“They’re calling it ‘Trust Irving.’”
“You know, I like that better than ‘Herschel.’”
“He props his right foot up on a chair and bends down to reach his left foot.”*
*Better as a visual gag.
“Tell me, Seymour: How do you start a flood?”
“They didn’t want to awaken the sleeping pills.”
“Seymour, who do you think gave you the poison?”
“Does that mean you’re not coming?” 
“Hold the back page!!!”
“Oy, you think that’s unusual? I’m O’Brien!”
I don’t know and I don’t care!
Johnny yelled, ‘Jesus Christ, I’m fucking her as fast as I can!’
“To the Bat-Room!”