So, now that I’ve healed up well enough to venture out into the world, four of my poker pals took me out for dinner last night, over the strenous objections of my wife and daughter. They can read these guys like a book, because dinner was Buffalo chicken wings in a bar.
We got clipped for a ten dollar cover charge at the door, because, as the bouncer explained, it’s a topless bar. I offered the guy a fiver and promised I’d close one eye, but the fellas told me to put my money away, it was their treat.
Dennis the cop is a recovering alcoholic, so we had a designated driver. I had a ginger ale with my wings, which disgusted everyone, considering it cost $5.50. So after that I had a beer, which cost, yep, $5.50. It tasted great, so I had another to see if it was a fluke, and no, that one was good too. After the fourth one, I tried an experiment to see if it would also work with tequila. It did.
After a while, one of the dancers came over and sat on my lap. I couldn’t strut because I was sitting down, but it made me feel good to know I was still a babe magnet, even though I was old enough to be her father. Anyways, it turns out that one of the guys slipped her a ten spot for a lap dance. That was the first time I ever had one, and I don’t recommend it. It’s a two minute ride of frustration, and in the end you have nothing to show for it but a woodie and a thinner wallet. I asked her if her mother knew what she did for a living, but she pretended not to hear me. When it was over, I offered to give her a lap dance for only a fin, but she turned me down.
After a while, we blew that popsicle stand and crawled to another bar. This one was a quiet little neighbourhood mom and pop with just a few people and an 8 ball pool table. We spent the rest of the evening there, shooting pool, drinking beer and telling lies. It got a little sappy at one point when they started talking about how worried they were about the operation. Fortunately, I was able to put a stop to it by making an awesome bank shot, after which they turned on me like a pack of wolves. Sure, it was a lucky shot, but only a putz would admit it.
I got home a little after one. Momma was waiting up but she was only a little bit mad.
Thank you, my pals. I wish I could tell you how much I love you guys, but I’d never hear the end of it. And anyways, I don’t have to tell you. You know already