I had been once or twice in the last ten years, but between Dec 2007 - April 2008 I probably went seven times, and then once in the last six months.
I find strip clubs to be a sort of hyperreal pornography. I’ve only gotten your standard “VIP room” (as opposed to “champagne room”) lapdances… topless only, through-the-clothes lap grinding. Lap dances and grinding aren’t really a sexual turn-on, per se; they only serve to bring your fantasies to a more real level of sensuality. It is one thing to look at a woman on the street and imagine what she is like socially, intellectually and sexually. It is another thing (but similar) to imagine the same about an actress or celebrity. Some strip club experiences are like that: the dancers are all on the stage, not interacting with you specifically; it is like they are projected on a screen and are not even there.
But at normal strip clubs where you can socialize with the dancers or receive semi-private lapdances, your senses start to kick in: you can smell the smoke, the perfume, the shampoo, the sweat, the alcohol… you can even smell the money. You can feel what their skin actually feels like. You can feel how heavy they are when they sit on your lap.
All of these little sensory experiences build on each other and add up to this sexual experience where your mind is stimulated enough to provide realistic fantasies in your head. It doesn’t really matter if you ever “tap into” that fantasy bank, because you have already, in a sense, lived out that fantasy in the strip club.
I don’t know other people’s SOP’s for going to the strip club, but here was mine:
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Don’t take more money than you can afford to lose. Don’t ever go to the ATM (one, because of the outrageous fees. Two, because once you are willing to go to the ATM at a strip club, why would you ever stop?)
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Don’t forget that the girls are paid to like you. Once you realize this, and once the girls realize that you have realized this, it will make the experience that much more fantastic.
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Tip. A LOT. Seriously, A LOT. Don’t just throw money on the stage though. Never, ever, ever throw money at a girl. Instead, do this:
Go to the bartender, order your first drink, and order a wrap of ones. This is a hundred dollars in ones. Tip the bartender at least two dollars; once for the drink and once for getting the ones.
Find a table and enjoy your first drink. People watch. Watch the dancers. If a girl comes by and asks for a dance, just tell her no, but make sure you tip her a dollar for stopping by. Seriously. If the cocktail waitress asks if you need a drink, and you don’t need one yet, tip her a dollar anyway.
If a dancer you like comes on stage, or a dancer waves you over to the stage, go on up. While they are doing their little hug-and-dance show, tip her at a good pace. Tuck a bill in a stocking, tuck a bill in her panties, tuck a bill in her bra. Don’t ever throw money at her. Don’t ever just hand her money. But be prepared to keep giving her ones. Don’t be coy, don’t be seductive. You are in public and you will look ridiculous and the dancer will get pissed that you are using money as a carrot instead of as a gift. But you can still be sexy. I have danced (from the edge of the stage, not on the stage) with a stripper while doing this dollar bill exchange. It was very sexy and got a quick ovation from the deejay, the audience and other staff when it was done, and it only cost ~$20 in ones.
The interesting thing is, although dancers love getting your money, they won’t let you monopolize them. Even if it is clear from the stack of ones on your hand and by your constant stream of tips, they will eventually let go of you and move on. They are there to market themselves, so don’t assume that because you are giving them money, they are actually making money. If you take up too much of their time with bullshit, they could lose money they could have made in private dances had they had more time to market themselves to other patrons.
Back at your table, you will probably have one or two girls try to latch on to you and mark their territory. I have never seen two dancers get catty with each other, but there has been some tension before… especially if you go to the bar and get a drink, a dancer follows you back and there is already a dancer sitting at your table.
So, the dancers at your table… never buy them a drink. It will costs something like $40 and all they will do is sit at your table and drink it with you. What makes it worse, is that they only get maybe 10 or 20%. So, off that $40 drink, they are making maybe $5-$10. But if you are talking to them and giving them a constant stream of ones (a dancer who is talking to you at your table has the same hourly expectation in earnings as one on stage), you will get that same amount of company for much less… say $15-$20. The most important part of this is that the dancer gets 100% of her tips (before tipping the deejay and security). So, she is actually making more money by just taking your tips and not taking the drink. Some clubs may get pissed if the girls are making their “drink quota”… but that’s not your problem.
If you do get a VIP dance (never ever EVER go to the champagne room), you will still need to keep up with the constant stream of tips, WHILE she is giving you a lapdance. This is in addition to the $20 or whatever for the dance. The rules of “keep your hands to the sides” don’t really exist because many times it is impossible to tuck in a dollar into their panties if you aren’t reaching around them.
However, and this is very important… you are NOT playing a little game called “Where Can I Put My Finger For A Dollar?” If you find yourself touching a vagina or a nipple with your hands, then you are doing it wrong and you are a douchebag. Other than fulfilling your immediate senses, like smell… you are not here for immediate satisfaction. You are here for the experience of being able to create your own fantasies out of real-life objects.
Other than the sexual imagery, being able to talk to beautiful women about almost whatever you want is a big plus. It is a unique experience to go to a club in an altered state (note: please be safe if you are going to do something like go to a club high, make sure you get high in the parking lot before you go in. If you are driving stoned or drunk, you are again a douchebag). The drug-induced ideas that have come out of being at a strip club are some of my favorites. A strip club is like a little microcosm of a certain type of reality; it definitely inspires a lot of thoughts. But yeah, talking to attractive women for hours is a highlight. Once I talked to the “older” retired stripper-turned-coatcheck girl for a few hours. The club was surely pissed that I wasn’t spending money in the club, but the conversation was wonderful; she shared a lot of insight on the club scene. Of course, she got tipped afterwards. But the important thing to realize is that you probably don’t want to talk to these girls outside of the club. The “money-dance” is the most important aspect of being in a strip club. It equalizes customers and patrons. If you were to meet outside of a strip club, that money relationship would be out of balance and would likely not live up to your expectations.
This was much longer than I expected, and I am probably missing something or haven’t communicated parts well. So, to recap: Don’t go to a strip club looking for sex or intimacy; only go for sexuality. Tip often.
