You need to get better acquainted with the other 10 percent. Some of it might be nerves, but even nervous people are aware of how much of the conversation they are dominating. These women just don’t care. And if you think conversation is the only place their self-centeredness will manifest, you’re quite mistaken.
It’s not just women who do this, it’s people. People like to talk about themselves.
One of the things I look for in a guy is the ability to shut up and show some interest in what I have to say. I have given dudes the benefit of the doubt on the first few dates (nerves), but I after that I am really sensitive to when a guy wants to just talk about himself.
The kind who doesn’t make you feel like you are less important than she is.
I might be a bit of a freak in this regard, but often, regardless of whether it’s a date situation or budding friendship, I prefer people who talk less directly about themselves and their particular situation, and can converse on matters of a wider (and with any luck mutual) interest. My favourite people are those I can ramble on with about subjects on which we both have thoughts but don’t necessarily have a particular bearing on our lives. If all people talk about is themselves, I find the intrinsic mystery of the person - and the conversation - runs dry pretty quickly.
I think there are several reasons why people talk a lot about themselves:
1.) They’re nervous and talking keeps them from thinking about being nervous.
2.) They hate the sound of silence, so if you are not aggressive enough with your side of the conversation, they will keep talking simply to prevent the conversation from running dry. This isn’t so much nerves as it is social/cultural upbringing.
3.) They might not have many people to talk to and so they talk overly much with someone/anyone who is actually willing to listen. For example, I often talk my husband’s ear off about work because I know he’ll listen and there’s really no one else who is objective who I can talk to.
These are just off the top of my head, and they have all been true for me at one point or another. I don’t think any of these apply to the first girl, she just sounds like she’s not worth dating. Anyway, if she doesn’t ask questions, that means that not only does she not know how to hold a conversation, she also doesn’t wonder much about the world around her, which would be a strike against any potential date in my eyes.
The second girl, otoh, may have been nervous, or as others have said, she may have been wanting you to be more aggressive with your conversation. Her “Oh?” or “hehe” responses may have been meant to be encouraging you to keep talking. Then again, not having listened to the conversation, it’s hard to say.
I agree. I’ve had enough dates where I spent the whole evening listening to the man talk on and on, without seeming to notice or care that I had barely said anything, that I definitely do not think this is just a female problem. There are an awful lot of self-centered folks out there.
If someone makes a habit of acting this way, I definitely think it’s worth ditching them over this. When I like a dude, I always ask him A LOT of questions because I’m truly interested to learning more about him and want to hear the lovely sound of his voice. 
I’d expect just as much from a guy who was truly interested in me.
Hahaha. Awesome. If only I could be the fly on the wall during that conversation. 
Well, last night I went out with the woman from Case #2 in my OP. We talked a lot (from 8:30pm to about 2 in the morning), with a couple of uncomfortable silences here and there, but nothing too uncomfortable. The discussion involved about 80% her and 20% me, which is a step up from our phone conversation… she actually asked questions this time, and I actually politely forced the talk to my direction every once in a while.
Her cousin owns a big house with a hottub and tiki bar, and she invited me to come out for a party there tonight. I’ll be going, but I’m going to let you, the Doper decide what I should do:
A) She’s still way too self-centered. Drop her like a bad habit and don’t waste your time.
B) She’s coming around. Stick with her and see how it works out.
C) She’s coming around, but not fast enough. Hang out tonight, but keep your distance romantically.
And a couple things: the night went well, but I’ve connected with other women better on a first date. The reason I’ve been sticking with it because she’s one of the more “grown-up” women I’ve actually dated, with a college degree and a good job. I’ve been keeping WhyNot’s advice in the back of my head, though, and making sure I enjoy myself, too.
What say you, SDMB?
Only you can decide whether or not you want to keep seeing this woman. This is a question that dopers can’t answer for you. We haven’t met the woman and don’t know her side of things.
But, I will say that if she invited you to a hot tub party you can probably get into her panties. Perhaps at that point she’ll shut up. 
It’s a human thing. There was a pair of Yahoo Personal articles just a few days ago about 10 things that turn off men and 10 things that turn off women (on a first date) and both mentioned the date who talks too much about themselves, not letting the other get a word in edge-wise.
I find people who talk a lot tiring, and I’ve met about an equal number of both genders. Some people seem pathologically incapable of letting there be momentary silences. When they talk to those of us who are quieter, they ramble on endlessly. I suppose it’s partly our fault for not being more assertive when it comes to making our own points, or maybe even for not having enough points to make.
I wouldn’t say dump her just over this one thing (especially if it doesn’t seem to be as bad as first reported). You probably have a fairly good idea at this point if she really is completely self-centered from more than just the way she talks about herself a lot.
I should say, too, that you can’t always tell anything about a person from phone conversations. When I was getting to know my husband, I thought he was completely un-interested in me from his phone conversation, but he kept calling back, so I figured I’d just keep talking to him - he could stop calling if he wasn’t interested. We’ve been married almost five years now, and we still have lame phone conversations. Eh. We’re just not phone people.
I won’t even try to decide for you. Either you like her or you don’t.
But women are people too and sometimes when people are nervous they have trouble finding something to say. And sometimes when they are nervous they can’t shut up.
Maybe she really likes you and is really nervous.
If you don’t like her, stop playing and move on. If you do, go out with her and get to know her.
I think I should’ve phased what I said a little differently. I wanted to get an idea of what the board would do in my situation, that’s all. Apologies for the confusion.
LMFAO. I would love, love to witness this conversation.
I had an altercation in bar a couple of weeks ago with this guy who’s parting shot was “Well women weren’t even ALLOWED in public bars 20 years ago!” :dubious:
In the immortal words of my friend Rob, “slip her the sausage.”
?
Perhaps 120 years ago. I distinctly remember dancing up a storm in cough[sub]70 something[/sub]cough cough…
Arnold must be whooshing us. No way would anyone put up with BS like that for a single nano-second.
As to Agent Foxtrot’s questions, as others have said, sounds like bad or nervous dates not “women”. And again, as others have said, you just need a different sort of girl to ask out in the first place.
As far as asking this girl out again? If I were in your place? If there weren’t some super duper chemistry or obvious “wow, we’ve got a LOT in common (despite his seeming motormouthedness), there could be something here” he wouldn’t have lasted more than one date.
And as far as “women” talking a lot on a date? I do like to talk, but on a date (back when I used to date, I actually HATE dating)? I’m much more interested in finding out who the guy is, rather than chattering, so I tend to ask a lot of questions and/or listen closely to how he’s talking, what he’s talking about and how he’s acting (is he decent to waitstaff, that sort of thing).
I’m paying way too much attention to the man, and finding out if he’s worth THIS date, let alone another one to worry about myself and telling stories and such. NOT that I grill the guy like a steak or anything, I do answer questions he may ask and tell him a bit about me, but I’m far more focused on him.
This is why, back when I dated, the first couple of dates were short ones, like a coffee date or something. You can certainly know in a short time if the person is worth spending more time with by paying close attention to clues (like talking incessantly about themselves, or being bossy like Arnold suggests).
I had this one date with a guy awhile back, he had the ODDEST habit (well that wasn’t his only failing point, he came dressed really badly, but anyway…), he’d be talking about something, or I’d be talking about something and he’d interrupt himself or me, just as if he were conducting a staff meeting or something and say something like “Well, on to the NEXT point…”.
He was shocked when I declined a second date. If a man did something like what Arnold suggests (if he’s not just being silly), I’d stand up and leave that second without an explanation or a backward glance.
I’ve known people, mostly in college where you get a lot of blowhards, who would pause in their spiel long enough for me to think that they’d made their point and it was time for me to respond. So I would start to respond, and they would continue barreling on, as if I was only there to listen to them. My standard response in that situation is, “Why don’t you record this, and I’ll play it back later?”
I’m only 40, and I remember my mom not being allowed to go into the bar and get my dad out when I was a young kid. I’m pretty sure there were different rules in different places - this was in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, which was started as a Temperance Colony and had draconian liquor laws for a long time.
I find it goes over better if you leave the ‘women’ part in there and look straight at the bearded guy who is laughing too loud…
I don’t have anything to add except I’m at my wits end with my mother in this situation (I am male). Anytime she is present, she dominates the conversation. A normal phone conversation between me and her lasts about 15 minutes, in which I have about 40 seconds of talk time, consisting entirely of "mmm hmm. mmmhm. How about that. " I’m sort of slow as far as thinking of things to say or remembering things worth relating, so by the time I think of something to say, she barrels onward and shatters my train of thought.
And I could tolerate this, since I’m not a big talker, if only she didn’t prattle on endlessly about complete inanities. What’s on sale at Target this week. What consumer guru Clark Howard says about cloth diapers (neither of us have small children). Second-hand stories of people that neither of us knows directly. What sort of car she would buy, if she were in the market to buy a car. Stain removal. She asks me questions only to interrogate me about how to do various things on her computer (I am a programmer, I have not the faintest clue about how to use MS Publisher).
It really makes me ill and it entirely drains the life out of me. Eventually I stop responding altogether. She finds the silence uncomfortable and redoubles her effort to cover every gap in the conversation with more talking. I wish I could figure out a tactful way to tell her that she talks more than crazy people about things that nobody cares about.
Sorry to dump my personal woes, I just wanted to say I am right along with the OP and wish I understood why people act this way. I honestly don’t know whether men or women talk more, but I know for a fact that nobody talks more than my mother.
It’s funny, I often have the opposite problem: chatting with people who won’t be induced to say a word about themselves! They ask me a question, I answer, smile brightly, and say, “How about you?” Then they answer in a monosyllable, and steadfastly refuse to bear any of the weight of the conversation. It’s maddening.