Nothing is real. There is no spoon. Use your chopsticks.
Using chopsticks can be tricky. Playing “Chopsticks” can be downright risky. Learn some Beethoven.
Just like Beethoven, you are unknowingly consuming small amounts of arsenic every day, and will gradually grow eccentric and deaf.
The suspicions that you have about this food are completely baseless.
(@boson … if you don’t mind, could you follow the pattern we’ve established by bolding the word you are using from the previous fortune? In your post #204, I guess the repeated word is “you”?)
Your suspicions regarding a long-lost lover will turn out to be…not correct, exactly, but definitely mortifying.
Your long-lost dental retainer turned up in the Bourbon chicken this afternoon. Please claim it before you leave.
Your destiny awaits you on Bourbon Street. Wear clean underpants.
Every day, repeat to yourself three times, “underpants go under the pants.” It is vital that you be able to remember this at all times.
You should start wearing stylish, eye-catching underpants at all times, just in case.
If you bring a case of beer, you can crash just about any party.
This restaurant hasn’t had a case of food poisoning in over… dammit!
Cover your drinks at this restaurant to keep the roofies away.
(thanks for the reminder Cairo Carol)
This restaurant has been velociraptor free for 96 days.
A local government clerical error will result in you erroneously receiving 96 citations for minor traffic violations.
One of the waitresses thinks you’re cute. Ask her out, now!
Hundreds of waitresses will be joining a class action suit against a rival fortune cookie company.
Leave the gun. Take the fortune cookie.
FWEET! ::Blows self-important whistle, pontificates:: A-hem. What word in that fortune came from the previous fortune? (Also, nice if you can bold it.)
And now to the next fortune:
You will leave behind your wallet in this restaurant. It will be returned to you by a slightly sweaty stranger.
Dagnabbit! I knew something didn’t look kosher as I was posting it. How about:
One of the waitresses thinks you’re cute. Ask her out, now!
BIP:
If you can raise your behind out of that chair, we have a new, warm batch of Chinese Doughnuts with your name on it.
Don’t. Look. Behind. You.