You will not be able to ignore the thing growing in your attic for much longer.
You really should get that thing on your neck checked out.
You will wish you had never checked under your bed to look for a missing sock.
Do not wear a checked jacket with striped pants.
Your pants will feel uncomfortable soon. You will not know why.
Soon, you will be full of something and it probably won’t be wisdom.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can… and a red Ferrari.”
Find the courage to never again wear that outfit.
Never read fortune cookie fortunes. No good can possibly result.
You need more fortune cookies in your life. Eat here every day.
If you want real cookies, haul your ass over to Publix.
One of your friends is about to behave like an ass.
Early to bed, early to rise and you can get your own breakfast.
Something amazing will happen tonight, but you won’t witness it because you will have gone to bed early.
You are an amazing delightful person who should expect numerous good things to come into your life.
Psyche!!
How do you keep an idiot busy?
(Turn fortune over)
[Flip side]
How do you keep an idiot busy?
(Turn fortune over)
Have your gun at the ready upon leaving this restaurant.
A significant criminal element loves to eat at this restaurant.
If you’re up this early on a Sunday, you might as well go to church. Free crackers and booze!
That pain that you have been ignoring for months is nothing. Nothing at all. Seriously.