Anyone ever tell you you resemble Seely Booth from, “Bones,” ma’am? They will.
Choose anyone in the restaurant and tell them that dinner is on you.
You have unwittingly insulted your date, and in a moment their dinner will be dumped on you.
A wise man once said, “Never date someone who has no sense of humor.” You should have listened to him.
The funniest bone in the human body? The humor-us. Tip your waitress.
Your waitress is not a cow. Don’t tip her.
There is absolutely no trace of cow in our Beef Chow Mein. Guess again.
This fortune will self-destruct in five seconds.
You will soon come into a small fortune. A very small fortune.
(I’ve assume it is mandatory to embolden every occurrence of the word
copied from the previous post.)
The revolution has begun! Upend the table and hide behind it!
Your table has enough gum stuck underneath it to sustain you indefinitely.
If you have eaten enough to feel stuffed, you have cheated someone out of a good meal.
Look closely at your bill before paying it, as they may have cheated you.
Bill works in the back of the kitchen - when you leave, he will follow you home. Don’t let him in.
Don’t leave just yet. Your bosses are reorganizing without your input. Have a couple more drinks.
If you’d like to treat your bosses to a “no hard feelings” farewell dinner on your last day, the kitchen can arrange for some rat poison to be mistaken for salt for a couple of dishes they’ll agree to with you in advance. Just sayin’.
The rat poison looks an awful lot like “Skinny ‘n’ Sweet,” so be careful which you put in your sweet tea.
Soon you will take an awful ride in an ambulance.
The most beautiful woman in the world will say, “Hello,” to you – 10 minutes into your funeral.
Your hoax to make the world think you died will succeed, but you will find living off-grid to be harder than you thought it would be.