5% is the amount of actual chicken in the General Tso’s chicken.
In your egg drop soup you have ingested 500 mg of actual THC. Get to a live music venue immediately.
The next live music event you go to will be an outdoor children’s event. You will still get a coontact high.
People will look at you real funny when you use the word “coontact.”
Try to avoid having any contact with people for the foreseeable future.
Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires.
Rotate each plate at this table 2/3 turn for good luck.
Shouldn’t you have put that in quotes?
Next entry:
“For a good time, call 606-4311. Ask for Ken.”
Most inscrutable knowledge from the Orient is beyond your ken.
Inscrutable, my ass. If you admit it, you can scrute it.
You will soon be rightfully accused of a nefarious act. Admit nothing.
This slip of paper admits the holder entrance to this restaurant within the next seven days.
Your days are numbered. In the low hundreds.
Hundreds of dedicated followers want to see pictures of this dinner.
Don’t ask what the secret is to the sauce on your dinner; you don’t want to know.
To learn the secret fortune of this cookie, call 767-555-5555.
Due to inflation, this fortune continued in next cookie.
(True story: the next to last time my wife got a fortune cookie at our favorite Chinese place, the cookie was empty [no fortune]. The next time we ate there, I jokingly asked the man in charge if that meant anything. His response: No news is good news? 
)
Please help me. They keep me in a broom closet. Call police.
A Chinese fire drill is in your future. And not the fun kind from, “Happy Days,” either.
Hundreds of Chinese acrobats will arrive at your house tomorrow. Stock up on rice.