It’s not them, it’s you
It’s…
Help! I’m being held hostage in a Chinese Fortune Cookie Factory!
…an oldie, but a goodie. 
Really? Are you really looking here for your fortune?
You will eat a second fortune cookie. The fortune inside will insult you.
This meal will insult your gut in 1 hour
It would be wise to update your will before your next visit to a mall.
Your fortune? You think I’m going to tell you?
You will amass a fortune for someone else.
Someone is hot for you, but the firemen are almost done putting out your house fire.
Not every house is a home.
The homeless beggar on the street that you ignored the other day was a powerful wizard in disguise. You know how the rest of this story goes, yes?
Give eating cookies a rest - your blood sugar is spiking.
At about 3 AM, you will awake with a cramping craving for chocolate chip cookies. You should stock up before then. Or was that calamari?
The next time you gaze into a mirror, take a good, hard look – it’s just filthy.
You think you hide it well, but everyone around you knows what filthy thoughts you’re thinking.
Old people are a lot like Slinkies: it’s so much fun when you push them down the stairs.
Change is inevitable, except from your waiter.
Dame Fortune will come knocking at your door soon – she’ll have to, because her daughter, Miss Fortune, wrecked the doorbell.