So since it’s too noisy for me to irk, and I probably should be doing some cleaning
I am going to follow through on my old threat and tell you all about the family member with the crazy living arrangement.
So this family member, we will call her Agnes.
Agnes was dating a man named Claude. Claude was a nice man and very good to Agnes, but Agnes always had a problem with fidelity and one day at work she met a man named Doofus.
Agnes worked at one store in the strip mall and Doofus worked at a store a few doors down.
Doofus asked Agnes out, and well Agnes being Agnes, she went out with him
That Claude had bought her cell phone and was paying the bill for said cell phone didn’t mean much to Agnes until Claude was paying the bill, and noticed all the calls to a new number and found out about Doofus.
Of course Agnes got mad that Claude was checking up on her, but I pointed out to her that as long as the phone is in his name and he is paying the bill its his right to look at who she is talking to.
Anyway, nasty breakup ensued.
We all were a little leery of Doofus because at the time Agnes was 17 and Doofus was 23. We figured if it was just going to lunch and stuff it was okay but none of us was comfortable with it.
However, just about the time we were starting to think that maybe Doofus was okay, his very pregnant wife showed up where Agnes worked and confronted her.
This resulted in Doofus swearing to Agnes that the baby wasn’t his and his wife was cheating on him, and swearing to his wife that nothing was going on between him and Agnes and that Agnes was crazy and was stalking him.
Much craziness ensued.
So Agnes, being Agnes, started dating Rufus, who up until that point had been the best friend of Doofus.
So Agnes and Rufus start dating, that Rufus already has a gf named Doormat didn’t seem to matter too much - to the two of them anyway.
So as it turns out, Dipstick the father of Agnes, and Stoner the father of Rufus had been good friends for most of their lives, and Rufus’ mother Angel was still best friends with Sasha, who was the first wife of Dipstick before he had married Agnes’ mother Barbara.
Dipstick had gotten Agnes’ mother Barbara pregnant before he was divorced from Sasha, and even though it had been 20+ years, and Barbara and Dipstick had been long divorced and Sasha and her hubbie 2.0 were long divorced, there was still no love between Barbara and Sasha.
Small world.
It didn’t help matters that Sasha had never gotten over Dipstick and still considered him to be her one true love. Agnes and her sister Matilda got close to Sasha over time and Sasha referred to them as the two daughters she never got to have.
That didn’t go over too well with Barbara.
Oh, we haven’t gotten to the good part yet.
So Agnes and Rufus date for a while, until Agnes finds out he is still seeing Doormat and/or Doormat finds out he is still seeing Agnes.
Agnes and Doormat hate each other, each blames the other for Rufus’ infidelity.
Agnes and Rufus have a nasty split, Agnes finds someone new, Doormat gets to keep Rufus.
Lucky her.
A few weeks later Agnes finds out she is pregnant, by Rufus, so she dumps new guy and he dumps Doormat and they decide to try to make a go of it.
So Rufus is living with Agnes,
but he still sleeping with Doormat, and with Toni, and Jill, and Donna, and well, you get the picture.
Somehow Agnes manages to put up with him for a few years and another baby, until finally they call it quits for good.
Rufus goes back to Doormat.
You wouldn’t know it by her behavior, but Doormat is extremely beautiful, has a good job, and her own home. She works hard, is a good person and is so in love with Rufus that she can’t see straight.
Rufus is living with her, he doesn’t work, she pays all the bills, cooks all the meals, cleans the house and even gives him spending money and use of her car so he can go out, even though she knows he is cheating on her.
So Rufus is back with Doormat.
He and Agnes have come to some type of civil arrangement for the benefit of the kids and
surprise of all surprises…
mortal enemies Agnes and Doormat have made their peace with each other and are becoming friends.
Agnes has no place to go, so she moves in with Doormat and Rufus.
She starts dating Doormats step-brother Idiot and he moves in too.
So now living in the small to bedroom house are Doormat, Agnes, Rufus, and Idiot, with the two kids. Agnes openly admits that Rufus is still coming on to her, but she’s not interested and Doormat doesn’t care.
Doormat is the only one working, pays all the bills, does all the cooking and cleaning.
The kids love it because they have two mommies and two daddies living in the same house, all one big happy family!
So there were a lot of raised eyebrows over that living arrangement and as one family member said to me
‘I don’t even want to think about what is going on in that house at night, there is not enough bleach in the world to clean those thoughts from my brain’.
I prefer not to think about it at all.
However all good things much come to an end.
Doormat and Rufus are still together and have a kid of their own.
Last I heard Idiot is in jail.
Agnes moved on and out to a new man and they have 2 kids of their own.
Agnes and Doormat are still best friends.
I swear I need to write a book.
