I would probably go find them a Kleenex and ask them if they wanted to talk, or if there was anything I could do. If they said no, I’d take their word for it and leave them alone.
The last thing I’d want someone to do is approach me, though. I can’t stand crying in front of other people and I’ll do pretty much anything to avoid it.
Depends on their gender. I went to ask a guy in church* if he was OK when he was sobbing and he looked mortified. So I’m doing less of that.
But if it’s a female, I’m more likely to go over and ask if she’s OK. But then sometimes I don’t know how to deal with the response. Like if she says that her boyfriend beats her or her husband is an alcoholic. So I just sit there and listen. And then I wonder if that was really helpful for not.
But yeah, there’s a point where it’s more embarrassing to not ask what’s wrong than to ask.
Female between the age of 10 and 80.
*I’m not Christian, so maybe I broke a rule there. I don’t know.
This is pretty much what my answer would have been exactly. I’m sort of getting better at approaching people because I have to respond to crises at work, but it’s still nervewracking.
These answers skeeves me out. It’s one thing to pay more attention to a girl you’re attracted to and all that, but the immediate reaction to someone suffering is “ooooh, vulnerable hot chick, let’s see how I can exploit this” or “eh, unattractive chick, who gives a shit?” is some cold shit. Pretty common, though, unfortunately.
I think I’d give them a couple of minutes in case they decided to leave or managed to compose themself (because taking either of those options would suggest to me that they don’t want help/to be intruded on). If after that they were still crying I would probably offer tissues (if I had any) and ask if there was anything I could do.
Female, age 29.
In this situation can I pray for you? would be the usual starting point, but if you are not a christian, you probably did the right thing.
I’ve done it a few times, and it is a struggle, as I am not naturally social (compassionate, but not social). It has even happened at work once, and I just asked if I could help, and let them respond.
In fact, once a month I go out with others into the village to offer help and a listening ear to anyone who needs it. We have talked to kids with problems at home, guys who lost their jobs, youths with drug/alcohol problems (although sometimes their problem is not being able to get alcohol). My life isn’t perfect, and sometimes I feel it is all too much, but there are people out there with much bigger problems, and just knowing that they are not alone may be enough strength to get through the night. So make the offer.
Male, 40s
Si