A VERY Polite Objection To Something Said

The BBQ Pit
#1

I actually waited a day before responding to this, since I had-to be honest-Pitted Anth in an angry and infantile way in a thread of my own stupid devising along time ago, and didn’t wish to be accused of being rash again. I’ll attempt to say this as politely and respectfully as possible, even though zero respect is being shown.

Everyone has their own little words and phrases that elicit an upsetting response. Anth, if you wish to insult someone for raising children that they did not gestate inside of their own uterus and then deliver, that is surely your right.

Putting the word “children” in quotation marks is nothing more than a boldfaced insult to anyone who might read that word who is either adopted, or has adopted children. I have two adopted children, so let’s be very clear here- I’m not carrying the flag where I shouldn’t be. I live this every single day.

I for one would like to thank you for saying what you said in this quote. Now we all know exactly where you stand. Your honesty is refreshing. And, since I’m friends with at least one adopted member of this Board, I am a bit curious to see how your remark is taken.

I’m not an adopted child and so I really have no right to request an apology from you. ( I don’t go in for the " I demand you do this -you *&^%)& -stuff, even in the Pit. It’s demeaning and useless.) I wonder if any adopted people who are members also found this suggestion by use of quotation marks to indicate that they are not really her children to be offensive in any way? Because, I am very curious to see what other possible interpretation of the use of the quotation marks there could be. Anthracite?? I’d respectfully ask you to explain what you meant by the use of said marks, if not to indicate that you feel that they are not her children.

Now, it’s entirely possible that Anth has personal knowledge of Ms. O’Donnell and the methods she is using to deal with her children in her home, and is in fact extremely well versed as to whether or not these children should in fact be viewed by outsiders as Her Children. If you do have such knowledge, pray share it with us all.

Nobody here is going out of their way to put quotation marks around anything addressing you or your life or your lifestyle, family or socializing choices. How about if you show the same respect to those of us who have adoption as a part of our family make-up. Or, as you clearly feel, our “family” make-up.

And of course, for the Teeming Millions who defended Anthracite the last time out, I’d beg you to think very hard about the last time someone said something degrading about your son, mother, wife or father…or you. If someone else had posted this, I would be writing the exact same posting here, just using that poster’s name. It’s not an attack on Anth, I simply am curious to see why that wording was used. She’s always been extremely protective of people’s rights to be open-minded and free in their lifestyles here- ideals I too hold dear to my heart. It’s sad to me, and I’m simply curious to see what the explanation is. I’m not threatening, attacking, denigrading, harassing or attempting to in any way make her scared or unnerved. So, save the threats back. I simply am curious.

( As an aside, I pray that Duck Duck Goose is still with us and able to rate this Pit thread. I expect the rating to be pathetically low, but oh man I do so hope she doesn’t leave our hallowed electronic halls.)

Sincerely,
Cartooniverse

#2

I agree wholeheartedly. I was taken aback by the use of the quotation marks but didn’t say anything because it was OT and the Pit where you don’t want to be too oversensitive. Someone’s children are their children, regardless of how they got there.

Thanks for bringing this up.

#3

You mean you can’t attack, degrade, scar or unnerve anybody in the PIT? Oh bloody hell, takes the fun all out of it.

#4

If it’s an insult in regards to Rosie having adopted, shouldn’t it have been ‘…Algebra tutors for “her” children’?

Maybe he meant they aren’t really human spawn. In Ms. O’Donnells case, this would not surprise me…

#5

IMHO, this was an insult to Rosie, and I think you’re reading a little too much into it. I don’t think any insult to adoptive parent was meant at all.

#6

I took it as, “If Rosie weren’t rich and famous, she, a single woman, would never be able to adopt children as easily as she apparently has.”

But maybe that’s just me.

#7

I figured “children” referred to Rosie’s dogs.

#8

As an adopted child and mother of an adopted child the comment itself didn’t really bother me. When you’re adopted people will say things without thinking because they don’t realize how much it gets to you so you really have to let alot of things that are said pass. People who aren’t adopted have no idea how difficult it is so they may say some careless things. I don’t think she meant to hurt anyone, I think she was just insulting someone who she doesn’t like. I don’t like Rosie either. I have no doubt that though probably loved, those kids are going to know every second of every day that they are adopted by her actions and words. One thing you have to remember when dealing with adopted kids is to put the adoption part in the background and the love in the foreground.
The most important thing is how your family treats you. I was never anything in my family but an adored and loved child, no different from any other child. My son is the same, his Dad adores him and considers him as his natural child. In both cases though the paternal grandparents have resented the adoption. My dad’s parents were cruel to me, making me sit in the backseat so their “natural” grandkids could sit up front, refusing to tell their friends about me and introducing me as the adopted daughter of their son. My husband’s parents always make a difference between my son and my daughter. My son was 16 months old when my husband’s mother came to visit and the frigid twat wouldn’t even pick him up. She acted like she couldn’t see him. That visit was cut drastically short. That cunt will never ever see my kids again, I will not allow one of my kids to be treated that way, I know the pain it causes too well.

#9

Whatever her moral failings may be, Rosie has adopted those children, and they are truly her children. Not fake children, as the quotation marks seem to imply. I don’t feel that mocking or attacking Rosie for adopting those kids is defensible.

Now I’ll ask Anthracite to please explain what she meant – to correct me if I’m wrong about her intentions. Was she calling Rosie out on the adoption?

#10

Okay, when I read the original comment I didn’t pick up on the adopted angel at all. I thought the quotes were to be snide about the gunmen/security guards. More along the lines of ‘guards that are supposedly for the kids but are more to make Rosie feel safe too’. Nothing against the kids, just that Rosie uses her children as an excuse to do all manner of hypocritical things.

Just my read, could be wrong.

#11

2 Things.

  1. I know Anthracite extremely well. She has been one of my closest friends for almost a year now. I’m not defending her cuz she’s my buddy. I’m defending her because I know better. I can state with 99.99% certainty that she did not mean to insult adoptive parents everywhere. I think it was simply a snide comment regarding Rosie. Not a horrible not-so-subtle attack at Cervaise and every other adopted parent or child in the world. As a matter of fact, I think Medea’s Child hit the nail squarely on the head. That was my interpertation too.

  2. I think that Una is out of town for awhile. I know she was in Arizona, and then she’ll be in Poland soon. So if she doesn’t rush here to defend her good name, please don’t assume that she is away cowering somewhere.

#12

I must be in a very sensitive mode today, but this just makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry for any child who could have been treated this way. It honestly breaks my heart to realize the depth of cruelty people can demonstrate. Awful. I’m so sorry for what you went though.

Zette

#13

I placed this comment squarely in the well-loved-by-all vein of celebrity bashing more than anything else. We can assume that Rosie is busy with her show, her magazines, her commercials, her appearances, her millions of dollars and that she probably has no or little time to actually raise her children. Methinks those nannies are probably closer to the kids than Rosie–and that’s where the quotation marks come in.

If you adopt children in order to take care of them and provide them with a loving environment, that’s wonderful. If you adopt children to make you more like “the common people” or as a publicity stunt to deflect a Middle-American-audience’s attention away from the fact that you are a lesbian AND THEN don’t actually raise them, I think you are worthy of quotation marks ten-fold.

They aren’t her children. They are her “little sentinent beings and future drug-rehab checkees who live in the same mansion in order to provide amusing stories on-air and cute photo opportunities at award shows.”

“Parents” raise children, adoptive or otherwise. “Celebrities” do whatever it takes to remain rich and famous.

Actually, that’s my take. But I suspect Anthracite is closer to my cynical camp than the view you suspect her of proposing.

#14

:confused:

I read this several times, and I’m utterly mystified by it. I weighed in on the thread earlier, but said nothing that connected me to adoption one way or the other. I mean, I’m just plain befuddled.

:confused: :confused: :confused:

#15

Cervaise, I am SOOOO sorry. I posted this right after I woke up, and I wasn’t reading it correctly. I meant Cartooniverse
Again, my apologies.

note to self: Drink a cup of coffee before posting

#16

  1. Yes, you will probably call me a liar - but I had no fucking idea whatsoever that Rosie had adopted her children. If I was told it, or heard it in the past, I certainly forgot about it. I actually pay little to no attention whatsoever to her and her family, and had never given any thought as to how her family came about - mainly because it just shouldn’t matter to anyone.

  2. The thought that I would criticize adoption, adoptees, the adoption process, etc. is repugnant to me. I am a huge advocate of adoption in all its forms, and think it is one of the ultimate forms of showing compassion and kindness towards another human being. I only wish adoption worked better, so that there were no more children left without parents to care for them and to love them in a safe home. So Cartooniverse, gigi, AlbertRose - you are so far off base here it is a personal insult to me. One I am going to ignore this time because -

  3. The use of quotes, given that Rosie has adopted her children (which once again, I insist I had no idea of) was sorta an inside joke from #straightdope chat about us all being Rosie’s “children”, who she can educate and discipline as she pleases, as our “Mommy”. I do admit, given the fact that she is an adoptive parent (her only redeeming quality now that I know this, IMO) that the use of quote around “children” may have appeared as an insult to her children, or her adoptive status. Thus, I am willing to ignore any pokes at me thus far since my use of quotes does indeed beg explanation.

  4. Thank you pepperlandgirl and others for having faith in me that I was not some sort of assholic ogre who was out to bash adoptees, adoptive parents, the whole adoption process, motherhood, apple pie, and America.

I trust I have explained myself. Now can you kindly close this thread?

Una Persson

#17

Sigh. I guess it’s my fault for not reading your OP more carefully. I saw where you were going, and was appalled that someone - even yourself - would think I would be criticizing or demeaning adoptive families. The thought that I would is sick - really sick. So I posted immediately to show how I “really felt”. I hadn’t read your whole post, and did not see the subtle venom you had within it. Now I will respond.

(snip)

You didn’t know a motherfucking thing about “where I (stood)” from the post in the other thread. You admit that you are making this thread because you want to find out what I meant - to have me explain - and then, in the same OP, have already judged me and found me to be scum. Read this bit I quoted above. What a sanctimonious, facetious pile of bullshit. I thought we were OK, especially since when I posted the HIV thread you sent a helpful, informative e-mail to me. Don’t fucking mail me again.

My use of quotation marks was inappropriate, as it apparantly offended several people who were willing to read the worst possible meaning into it. No surprise, I guess. I have an odd sense of humor, and sometimes disconnected things come together and I find them funny.[sup]1[/sup] Thinking of all of us as Rosie’s “children”, and the other thread, somehow got stuck together. My use of quotes doesn’t even make any goddamn sense to me now. It was obviously me laughing internally at what we talked about a few weeks ago in chat re: Rosie and guns, and this current issue.

:rolleyes: OK, see, this is where we enter the realm of the “Drama Queen.”[sup]2[/sup]

You do not deserve my respect. It doesn’t matter if you are adopted, non-adopted, or sprung fully-fucking formed from the brow of Zeus.

…I thank you, and trust that you all knew me better than this.

[sub]1) And no, I’m not saying adoption is anything particularly “humorous.” Like I said, I did not know or remember that Rosie and adoption were linked in any way other than being two words in the English language. (Oh shit, I used quotes again. Well, time for another thread…) [/sub]

[sub]2) By putting the term “Drama Queen” in quotes, I am not demeaning or criticizing drama, Queens, dramatic theatre, the Queen of England, Masterpiece Theatre dramatizations, dramatis personae of any sort, the residents of the City of Queens, the Marquess of Queensbury’s Rules, the Queen Elizabeth II ( a fine ship), Queen-sized beds, or even legitimate Drama Queens for that matter. Ah fuck, those who already judged me won’t change their opinion, so I don’t even know why I’m trying to be humorous about it.[/sub]

#18

If it makes anyone feel better, I didn’t know she had children. I don’t get out much, I guess.

Zette

#19

In “short”, “Anthracite” was “saying” that “Rosie” is a real “dumbshit”.

#20

Alternatly:

“In” short, Anthracite “was” saying “that” Rosie “is a real” dumbshit.