One thing none of us have said, is that sometimes we might be the ones that are the focus of someone elses unrequited love. I still kick myself for this. After I started to get over the Petra thing I figured that women just didn’t like me. There were girls in college that I liked and hung out with, but they almost always told me “You’re such a good friend!” which in girl-speak means I like you, but you’ll never have me.
Until Beth. Gawd, she was pretty. Really pretty. Tall, long brown hair, deep blue eyes and a smile that really would just make the sun shine. But when I first met her it was at a party and she was in a corner alone. Every time I saw her on campus she was alone. (which was boggling since she was really awesome looking.) I thought she was stuck up or something. So I brazenly went to over to her and said “How come every time I see you you’re alone? Don’t you like people?”. She said (and man her voice was like music) “no one ever talks to me. Its like everyone is afraid of me or something. I came to this party because I got tired of being alone and you’re the first person to speak to me.” . I instantly felt bad. So I sat and talked to her for awhile. We became friends. We had a few classes together so we saw each other every day. We’d have lkunch together, go see a movie together, just hang out you know.
On my birthday that year I decided not to go to class. I figured i’d take the day off and chill by myself. She came to my apartment that morning with a present saying that she knew i’d be goofing off on my birthday and so she didn’t go to class either. I was touched. She was the only person to actually get anything for my birthday for me. I thought, man, what a good friend. But because of my past failures with girls and the Petra thing I always thought in the back of my mind "a girl like beth…too good for my sorry ass. She’s a good friend, but a girl like her would never want a loser like me for more than a friend.".
So one evening we were sitting on a bench on campus just chatting and she tells me she’s been having wierd recurring dreams. I ask about what. Erotic dreams she tells me. Oh, starring who? I ask her. Someone you know she says.
I start rattling off names of everyone guy I knew, even some that she didn’t know. Yes, I’m that thick. Even when she denied it was any of the people I mentioned I’d go through the list again. She said no to all of them. So i said "If its someone I know you just don’t want to tell me. Fine."
Frustrated she stood up and yelled "Its you, dummy! I dream about you!"
I laughed. In her face. not to be mean. because I was truly clueless. I laughed because even when she said that I could not believe for a second that she had any kind of loving beyond friends feelings for me. again, I am…or at least was back in the day…that thickheaded. Beth ran off crying. I didn’t see her for days and she wouldn’t return my calls. I talked to my roommate about it and he almost slapped me. Then he had to explain to me that Beth reallyy really liked me and was basically telling me “I’m yours if you want me”.
but it was a bit too late. We still got along but I could tell that I had really hurt her feelings. We never did get together obviously, but its all my fault because I broke her heart, even though I didn’t mean to or want to. I still feel badly about it. And I will admit I’m an imbecile for it. She really was all that and a bag of chips. I just couldn’t believe she was interested in me. I guess even chumps like me can be the target of someones unrequited love.
