Oh, she knows how I feel. We (she) decided that we should just stay friends, which makes this all the more shitty. Because I know for a fact that she thinks more of this guy than she does of me.
Well, take this as the only thing I can think to say, Ro Carter…it will happen for you. The best relationships I’ve had were never the girls that I was crushing on and hoping would like me. One old girlfriend I meant just because she was a friend of a friend. I didn’t think she even liked me until she asked me if I wanted to have dinner with her in a friendly way. Another girlfriend was one that i meant as she was leaving a bar a friend and I had just walked into. I said to my buddy (and i thought she was out of earshot) “lets go somewhere else…all the pretty girls are leaving.” she stopped and said “You think I’m pretty?” (she was, but I understand the eye of the beholder and all that) when I told her yes, I did, she decided to stay and have a drink with me. I almost married that chick.
I met my wife because of a blind date with someone else went horribly wrong. Its the ones you aren’t looking for, friend. At least for me, it is.
That being said, unrequited love isn’t really a bad thing. Yeah, it can hurt like hell. I wish I never had to go through that kind of pain sometimes. But then it did help me grow up a bit. (unfortunately it twisted me for awhile, where I had what I refer to my Jihad on Women. after a lot of heartbreaks I had nothing left inside. As I told my friend it felt like my heart was shattered into a lot of jagged little pieces that fell into my stomach and they hurt me every time I moved. I was pissed off and figured if women were going to hurt me in the end as if my feeling ounted for nothing I was going in with the idea that only feelings counted in a relationship…it was wrong, I knew it when I did it, but I spent a year being a giant asshole to women and surprisingly I had more dates and got laid more then than ever in my life. I don’t know why some women seem to be attracted to guys that treat them like crap, but it worked. Still after a year or so of that I really got tired of being an asshole like that. I became the kind of guy I hate and cut it out. that’ll happen when you see you’re hurting so many people the way you were hurt. Its a different thread to go into it, but I only became so jaded, mean and jerkish when the 2nd girl I almost married decided to take a shit on my feelings. I kind of went insane for awhile, because I realy felt like no one was ever gonna love me so why should I bother being nice?)
Man. I’ve posted a lot in this thread. This is a subject I guess I have strong feelings on. I’m sorry if I’ve co-opted it.
I say fuck it then, like Ghandi said “Me just punching you in the face was only an illusion.”
Soap, believe me, bro…I know how ya feel. It really sucks and I really wish I could just say something, anything, that would make it feel better for you.
I don’t know you, I’m only guessing and you can tell me if I’m off the mark…you’re in your twenties, aren’t you? (maybe late teens…college age?). You’re probably a very nice and interesting guy. you’d treat this girl like a queen if she’d let you. Yeah, I’ve been in your shoes. (As stated I could be wrong on your age, I’m really going on my own personal experience in guessing it)
But heres the thing…she may or may not ever break up with the other guy. If she does she may or may not realize how you feel about her is important. But you shouldn’t bank on it. You’ll meet other people. You’ll meet other women. Most likely it’ll be the one you don’t expect that you’ll be in love with. **It’ll be great. **Trust me, brother. You just gotta believe. I said upthread that I met my wife now because a blind date went wrong. I didn’t tell you when we first met my first words to her were ***“Who the hell are you? Leave me the fuck alone!”. ***You’d think with an opening like that we’d never speak again after that night. Hell, *we’ve been married for 14 years! *
So keep the faith, man. If you like a girl don’t be afraid to ask her out. Don’t make the mistake of thinking “she wouldn’t like me”. But never stop thinking that the one you will fall in love with again is out there, 'cuz she is. You just won’t expect her when she arrives.
In the long run, the worst would be to wonder… “what if”. That’s what I always fear when I don’t express myself in a situation like yours. So, at least you know.
I’m in a bit of the same, though not exactly the same situation. Met a girl whose pedestal reaches the clouds. We became friendly, as in small talk and such, while taking classes together. I’ve asked her out in the past, and though never got an outright no, she made it clear that she wasn’t interested in me that way.
I’ve been seeing her in passing at the school the past year and we both have resumed our small talk and laughs.
The semester ends soon, and I feel I’m always going to wonder if one more nudge may do it. I don’t mind the rejection, but strangely feel very bad putting her on the spot.
sigh
Ah, a thread after my own heart. I finally get a chance to tell my embarassing (but no longer painful) story of infatuation gone wrong.
I was in 10th grade, and it was the first year that I had ever attended public school after 9 years of private school. I had been horribly unpopular and painfully shy and withdrawn for quite some time, but was aware that I wanted and needed to change. Going to a new school afforded me a great opportunity.
So on the first day of school, I meet a girl, who introduces me to a boy. Let’s call him Jack. Jack was funny, insanely cute, and extremely gregarious. He had a ton of friends, and best of all, he actually talked and joked with me and spent time with me! As if I was someone worth talking to!
It didn’t take very long at all for me to become deeply infatuated with him; thinking about him all the time, wondering what hilarious things he’d say in class and how his day was going, etc. Hoo boy, was I smitten. A couple of months after I met him, I was sitting outside after school, waiting for a ride, when I saw him sitting on a bench talking to a lovely girl. I smiled and went over to talk to him, and after a minute of awkward silence on his part he gave me kind of an annoyed, “get the hell out of here” look.
I slithered on back to where I was sitting before and listened to them laughing and talking for an hour, while I tried very hard not to cry.
I don’t think I’ve had an experience since then that was so exquisitely painful.
OTOH, it did teach me not to obsess over one person and that there are more important things to worry about, and that the person you build up in your head is not necessarily the person you see.
I recommend taking Sunspace’s advice here. If you wait, say two years:dubious:, to express any interest, things are not going to turn out as well as you hope. If you like her but you don’t flirt at all, she’ll stop thinking of you as a guy who might be of interest to her - we’re just as capable of thinking you’re not that interested in us and giving up on you as the other way around, you know. (though in the linked case it would have just happened sooner that I attempted to put him off.)
You know, I’ve seen the pedestal thing more than once… I just have to say, as a female who knows for a fact that there have been several guys interested in me that never made a move, that the pedestal thing is kinda silly. She is just another human being, and knowing you’ve been put up on some other plane of being than other people, while occasionally momentarily flattering, is mostly restrictive and uncomfortable.
I’m one of a very few females in my major, and had a conversation just the other day with a friend of mine (who I’m fairly certain is interested, but won’t say anything). He said that the general impression was that guys must ask me out all the time. Absolutely not true. I haven’t been actively hit on since freshman year, and a grand total of three guys have asked me out.
Basically, go for it.
Also, Jolly Roger, I just want to say thanks, your kind words were very much appreciated.
Sometimes its not the pedestal thing. Its more awe and fear. There was a girl I had my biggest junior high crush on. If you’re a shy kid its hard to speak to someone that you are infatuated with like that. But I did ask her to dance at one of those gawdawful teen dances in the school gym.
Her response? "With you?! Hahahaha!"
Of course all of her friends laughed with her. So my friends laughed. Then everyone laughed. I slinked on home. I was terrified to speak to any girls up until I high high school pretty much because of that.
And it stayed with me for years, the fear thing. There were a lot of girls I would have asked out except i was so scared that they’d just laugh at me I didn’t.
Also, Jolly Roger, I just want to say thanks, your kind words were very much appreciated.
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No problem.
I’ve heard about a great comeback to that, should it ever happen again. I haven’t had a chance to use it, since I have yet to meet anyone that rude since then. It almost sucks, because I’m dying to try it out.
Don’t get angry. Don’t get flustered. Don’t get depressed. Just say, in a tone of voice that’s somewhere between “note to self” and “isn’t that curious”, “Wow. You have really low self-esteem.” Then walk away.
I’m assured that what will happen next will amaze you, but I have no idea what that is.
This thread made me think of a lot of old memories and then start this thread.And that reminded me of something else in college. she was minor in unrequited love for me because at that point I figured I wasn’t going to get the girl unless I was really lucky or hit the lottery. Stephanie. I was all hot for her for awhile, and she knew it. (man, she was pretty…great legs). She never did go out with me, but I found out that she went home on spring break with my roommate. (This after turning me down when I asked her to go to the beach with me) He always tells me it was just because she had never been to DC and wanted to visit, not anything more than that.
I wasn’t really too upset, maybe a bit hurt. Because he didn’t tell me until the day they left to go and he knew how I felt about her. Plus I know he hit that. He’ll never admit it because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but I know.