Advice needed. I'm an idiot.

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
#1

I did something very, very stupid this weekend. My wife left town for two weeks to go see her folks. The very day she left, I got very drunk, drove to Vegas, and used my check card to drop $1200 at a casino. I won all but $100 back.

I don’t drink because I act stupid when I do. I quit drinking about a year ago, and, while I have had the occasional beer, I’ve been doing great. The first time she leaves town, I buy some vodka, which leads to a six-pack, which lead on from there. I just can’t stop with one. I’m being crushed with an enormous amount of guilt. I can’t believe I was so stupid that I actually got drunk, then drove to Vegas (a couple of hours away), and then gambled, which is also something I never do. I just wanted to do something wild and crazy.

I feel horribly guilty because I took $1200 out of our checking account. I’ve re-deposited the $1100 I got back. Mainly, I just kept my head above water, and decided to pull out before I lost anymore.

I’m such an idiot. She won’t be home for a while, and she likely won’t notice just $100 missing out of checking. Nevertheless, I feel so guilty that I want to come clean.

Should I? Mainly, I would tell her for my own benefit, to ease my own guilt. She would be horribly disappointed. I’ve really hit rock bottom, and I’m sure that I won’t be drinking again. Mainly, she would really likely never find out.

I just don’t know. Please, someone help me. I’m having horrible panic attacks. My hands and face constantly get numb, and I can’t sleep.

#2

You might as well tell, no use going through the same thing again when she finds out. They always do.

#3

Direct hit. Tell her, get it out in the open, it’s like popping a big emotional zit.

#4

You need to tell her what you did. Pretty much exactly as here. Open and honest. You also should strongly consider a program to help you keep your drinking compulsion under control. Also maybe set up a system with her so that when she leaves town and you start to get the itch to “do something wild and crazy” you can instead call her and talk to her about how you feel and maybe find some creative and constructive outlet for this urge.

#5

You’ve talked me into it. I’m going to call her right now.

#6

Telling her is good. Telling her and sitting down with yourself and figuring out why you did what you did is even better. You didn’t just do this on a whim; you did this for a reason, and you’ll do it again if you don’t figure out what was motivating you this weekend.

#7

So I told her. She seemed to take it okay. She was disappointed, but all-in-all, she seems all right.

I’m not feeling as relieved as I thought I would. I still feel guilty. We’re going to talk again later today.

#8

So why do YOU think you did it? Take that first hard drink the minute she left town, I mean.

#9

hard stuff - sounds like you are trying to do the right thing, which is good.

it isn’t whether you make mistakes - it’s how you recover.

#10

Well, of course you do. You did an incredibly stupid thing. However, you recognize that you did a stupid thing, and are taking steps to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Guilt doesn’t go away just because you’ve apologized. That will take time and the good missus’s help.

Good luck. You’re on the right track.

#11

And learn from them. If you needed to go over the edge this weekend to figure out why not to do that, it won’t be a waste.

#12

Do you have any ideas why you went nuts? Was it the drinking the caused the rest, or did you drink to get up the courage to do the rest?

You say you feel the need to do something wild and crazy when your wife is away? Do you feel too constricted when she is there? Do you subjugate who you are around her?

Did you do the trip alone, or with friends?

#13

I hate to be a party pooper, but I’m not sure I agree with the advice that Sid’s been given so far. I’m NOT saying that it’s the wrong advice. But I think that it’s impossible to know this unless you know his wife very well. Judging by his actions that began the second she left town, when he hadn’t had a drink the prior year, there’s probably something more to the story. Also, just the fact that he had to ask the “Should I tell her?” question leads me to believe that the relationship may be a little different than others. My advice would’ve been (if I had read this earlier): Only you know enough about your relationship with your wife to answer this. Honesty isn’t always the best policy. I could certainly paint numerous scenarios in which telling the wife would be out of the question.

#14

I’ve been known to do the same thing–lose my mind when there’s nobody looking. Usually it involves a drinking contest between me & me. We try to see who can get to the bottle of rum first without passing out. It’s not really constructive in any way, but there’s nothing more to it than a reaction against constant self control. I find it useful because I certainly lose the urge to do it again for quite some time and I don’t have to deal with that niggling, “Let’s get cray-zee!” voice in the back of my head all the time.

I don’t think the OP’s necessarily broken, nor that he’s done anything wrong (apart from DUI). Sounds like he did some very responsible gambling and stayed away from the hookers. No foul in my eyes. Does a man good to cut loose once in a while.

#15

Maybe so but I don’t think cutting loose should actually be followed by feelings of guilt, remorse and need to confess. Wait… that’s sounds a bit like being Catholic. :smiley:

Seriously, cutting lose should yield energizing, self affirming and greatly satisfying feelings. At least that’s what I get out of it. Then again, my life may be completely dull.