Advice of a sexual nature

if you’re drunk, go the safe route: get up off the bed to get your clothes.
very few people find a naked body falling off a bed charming.

a.k.a “The Dolmio Grin”. :smiley:

:eek: :o

[Paul McCartney}

“Golden showers fill your eyes…”

[/Paul McCartney]


Keep away from the dog immediately afterward, unless you’re dressed. Our Floyd can’t get enough of the smell of sweet lovin’ and is prone to bury his nose (his cold, wet nose) in my crotch as much as he can.

Hey, you don’t have to be from Detroit to know what Red Wings are…

Speaking as a physician advocating both for the common good and your personal health,

please don’t engage in oral sex while driving.
Remember, coming and going don’t mix!


Hmmmm. Before oral sex, make sure your bladder isn’t full. :eek:

Never, ever allow someone to give you a blow job after the acid you dropped an hour earlier starts to kick in… it’s not painful, just very, very, very disturbing

Lemme get this straight bagkitty. On which part of whose anatomy did you drop acid on and why wasn’t it pai. . .

Oh, now I get it!

Make dang sure you tie that sheep up tight.
Them hooves’ll cut ya when those back legs get ta kickin’.

My advice to you, my fellow dopers, would to not have sex with a virgin. Virgins have a habit of getting very clingy and then after some time of dating they want to experience other people, but only because you have. BUT, they still love you and you are the whole freakin’ world to them.

No offense to anybody who is the big V or anything, there is nothing wrong with that. However, “Virgin Syndrome” does exist, and someday I’m going to make a case study out of it.

Dopers, please do not follow SweetLilKitty’s advice.

But SweetlilKitty, if nobody has sex with virgins then, after some time, there would only be virgins left. It would be the end of all mankind.

In fact, it is our duty as human beings to have sex with virgins. So go out America and de-virginize. It is the patriotic thing to do.

Just stay away from my kids.

Biggirl, you are a saint and wise beyond your years.

I had a whole essay on good advice, mistakes, myths, funny stories, and some intimate lovemaking episodes that were incredibly intense spiritual experiences. Got carried away, so I erased it all. I realized I was just obsessing because I miss it so much. It’s been too damn long.

Damn it, I just miss it all so much.

The only reason why I posted that was because we (my apartment mates) have all been through similar situations with guys who are virgins. It all starts out just fine; the guys may be a little too clingy, but it’s cute. Eventually, they want to put you on the back burner while they get to experiment because you already have, even though are still madly in love with you. I do realize that we all start out as virgins, but nothing really good comes from the situation I just described above. All it really does is cause a lot of pain for both people. Sorry to offend, but I just didn’t want to have anyone in that type of situation.

i’m with the no-virgin rule. plus, i think, the older one gets, the longer one goes without experiencing the sexo, the bigger a deal it becomes while, for those of us who’ve had the sexo, it becomes less of a big deal. mal situation. besides, virgins can always de-virginize each other, right? RIGHT?

been known not to date virgins,

hey :stuck_out_tongue: I told you to not talk about my sexlife here :wink:

one for the more promiscous people here, never talk about marriage during sex thats a major downer…

If it’s the first time with a new partner, do not, under any circumstances, mention anything, not even hint at, anything pertaining to anal. I know this because of… uhhh… well, yeah.

When caught in flagrante delicto look them straight in the eye, don’t mention it, and see if they have the balls to bring it up.

When they do bring it up tell them to go to hell.