Just make sure you look at it from all angles. It seems like you are the type of person who would take her marriage vows seriously, and your financial situation may change. What if you start making $2000 a month? $3000 a month?
You also need to look at how it impacts your ability to save money. You may be able to make $1000 a month without it reducing his benefits as long as you spend it all. But if he’s on Medicaid, there is a limit to how much he can hold in assets, and that limit is not very high, when I was dealing with these issues it was $2000, it may be a little higher for a couple. I’m pretty sure that’s why he was giving that money to his brother to hold.
Note that merely holding out as a married couple, even if not technically holding a marriage license, may negatively affect welfare benefits. I mean things like sharing bank accounts, cohabitating, being addressed as Mr. & Mrs., filing jointly on taxes, and presenting to others as husband and wife.
I think he gave that money to his brother because he thought they would take it. If he stays long term, they will take his check. Not sure if they would take what he already had (2100).
He has medicaid and medicare.
The office told me his medicaid will not be affected, how much I make or not.
Hes worried about his medicare.
He gets infusions twice a year. He says they cost 150,000 each.
He also gets his meds free of charge.
And I’ve been hearing constant complaints of how they aren’t giving him his clonopin ( for shaking,) enough.
You two need to call the office of whoever writes your checks, be it SSDI or SSI or a state agency.
I’m guessing it’s SSDI because he’s young. If he’s on SSDI for long enough he automatically gets Medicare. On the other hand if you get married and SSDI disappears, that may mean he loses Medicare too.
This is probably something the brother has to follow up on as he has power of attorney.
There is also a BIG difference between a financial POA and a medical POA. Which does the brother have?
Come to think of it, if your BF is essentially fine, as you say he is, despite the MS diagnosis, why does brother have the POA now?
MS is not going to get better, you know that. He’s going to need progressively more care as the years go by, and you aren’t getting any younger. I’m a very strong and active 60 yo woman and this is not something I would take on. Be his friend, help him where you can, but DONT take his bullshit, or his family’s. You absolutely deserve better.
I get the feeling that you have a desired answer you want to hear, and will keep asking until someone gives it to you, while arguing against those whose advice doesn’t suit you. Well, that’s pretty normal human behavior.
But something I don’t think has been specifically stressed enough, because it’s normally not polite to dwell on it, is how your age impacts everything. You are 61, which is getting on to traditional retirement age. Meaning it will be much harder, if not impossible, for you to recover from any financial mistakes you make. If you were in your thirties, and made a choice that ended up costing you, say, $20k in lost benefits or increased costs over the years, such as for housing, well, you’d have decades to take on extra work or double down on savings to make up for it. But except for a very small number of extraordinarily healthy individuals, 60 year olds simply don’t have that much good working time ahead of them.
So be careful in your choices. At least find knowledgeable folks to get solid answers about the impact on pensions/medicare/medicaid/government subsidies and so forth so you absolutely have facts to base your decisions on. Many towns have “Councils on Aging” or something similar, generally free for their residents. Have you tried looking for that?
I will. He wants to get a regular apartment, at a regular price. Theres nothing under 750 I can see, thats not counting heat or electric. No way am I doing that. My new job will net me approximately 960 a month. I will have a rent of 320 then, with free heat and elec.
If he gets his old apt back, in this building, no way would I live with him.
If we married and he stayed at the nursing home permanently, it probably wouldn’t affect anything, but what kind of life is that, visiting your husband?
Its his or my fault hes where he is.
We were getting along great, then I started being his Aide. He started getting rude and being a jerk, so I quit him and the job.
I told his father he was his problem now, knowing his dad, who is in his 70s, had a major heart procedure earlier this year, and no longer had his car(not to mention caring for his wife, who’s been invalid for over 20 years) could not help him.
When he fell too many times in one day, he was taken to the hospital, where they saw no other choice but to place him.
Then when he cancelled his apt lease…
I asked God for a sign, and nothing has been forthcoming.
I think you’ve been seeing more signs than there are at a Trump rally, but they just aren’t telling you what you want to hear.
I get it, the heart wants what it wants. I haven’t been trying to convince you to leave this guy, not because I think that this sounds like a viable relationship, but because it’s obvious you’re intent on staying with him.
You asked what kind of a life you would have if you were married and he lived in a nursing home, and my answer to that is “ a life where you can be sexually active without fear of burning in hell”, Maybe that’s the way to go, it may be the most financially advantageous path and you could be a wife without being his health care provider. It’s not like he’s a prisoner, you can take him out everyday if want, and you wouldn’t have the substantial stress of managing his care and finances,
I think @Eonwe means it’s a conflict of interest, even if it is legal.
Really the only thing I’ve picked up in this thread is a) your BF is a jerk b) his family sucks and c) you seem to be mostly interested in the financial implications of marriage.
Well, I’m not interested in money, his, or any mans. He was worried about losing benefits.
But yesterday he said, I need your help. Thats not an equal relationship. I want a man who doesn’t need me, but wants to be my partner in having fun, praying together, etc.
I guess it took this thread to wake me up, so thank you.
God: “I gave your BF’s dad a major heart problem, smote your BF until he fell down so much he had to go to the hospital AND cancelled his lease! What do you want me to do? Turn the Moon red and unleash a plague of locusts!?”
The nitpicker in me has to say the moon does look red during an eclipse.
And we have midges.
But… this thread titled helping my boyfriend, is now “helping me.”
