Sheltered? You don’t know me very well, do you? Let’s just say that I’ve worked with a great many dysfunctional families over the years. Physical abusers, sexual abusers, chemicall dependent, criminally active…you name the dysfunction and I’ve encountered it.
With that in mind, I still think the topic of this thread is_ at best_ a tiny few scraps of truth heavily embroidered by kurahee’s imagination. If there are any parts of it I believe, they are:
I think we may have nailed it, right here. Especially when matched with this:
All right, I can see what happened now. In a nutshell, you invaded his space. You walked into his “fortress of solitude”, without permission or invitation, and poked around as if you had a right to be there. And you’ve said yourself, this is a very private & secretive person, who doesn’t seem to like you very much. NO WONDER he looked at you angrily, no wonder he doesn’t want you & your wife at the house anymore. You had no right to be there in the first place.
I’m a private person myself, and if someone I didn’t like started poking around my private space, I would show a lot less reserve than this guy did. And there’s nothing illegal on my computer – no kiddy pr0n, no terrorist secrets, no maps with dots & X’s to show where the bodies are buried. (Well, I’ve got some illicit mp3’s. But they don’t hand out the death penalty for that.) It’s not about that, anyway. Some people need their private space, and that’s it.
Unsubstantiated allegations of child abuse are very, very dangerous. Watch the film Indictment: The McMartin Trial – it will open your eyes.
Kalhoun, it’s one example of many. I can list more. He lives his life for himself and the children are in the way. Except for the affection I’ve seen for the oldest.
I’m not going to go into a thousand examples. It’s pointless. You can choose to agree or disagree, and I respect that. I’ve asked for all opinions, and I’ve read your responses as closely as anyone else’s.
If you think I’m interested in getting involved in this for shits and grins you are mistaken. The thread isn’t nearly as scary as the “weird vibe” I get when I’ve been around this guy. Here, we are just speculating. There, it could be a real serious problem. And if he is finding sexual release from a daughter because his wife is not interested/capable/whatever, that’s scary. If he’s more comfortable around people he can control, it may explain his lack of friends his own age. Maybe it adds up to a whole bunch of nothing.
And for those of you who are saying we are over-reacting, let me ask you. What would **YOU ** do if a 13 year old female child grabbed your package? Laugh it off? Think it odd? Get aroused? Tell her parents?
I’ll ask again. What if I was her teacher and she walked up and did that? Would I report it? Or would it be no big deal? What if I **DIDN’T ** report it, and someone saw it and told their parents? What kind of shit would hit the fan then?
What if it was *your * daughter grabbing my package? Would you laugh it off, or would you be looking at me like I’m the problem? Would you want to know it, or would it be better if you didn’t know?
Hell, when it happened, I was freaked out. *I * felt violated. I didn’t know how to react or what to do, so I didn’t make a big deal out of it. I didn’t want to embarrass the kids and I didn’t want to attract attention to myself. I’ve only told my wife and some strangers on a message board.
I don’t have the answers. This has been a very difficult thing for us.
I still don’t get why anyone is upset at the exchange with Frank.
IMHO, what Frank did was nothing short of trying to derail the thread. I’m with the OP, I don’t see how his relationship with his Father has anything to do with his and his wife’s relationship with the BIL. Ya know, people can have more than one source of conflict in their lives…sheesh.
Are we only allowed to only bring up one family issue at a time?, hell, Sampiro would have been banned long ago!
Well, let’s be clear. He was telling us about the room. He gave details. He told us when it was being constructed and when it was done. I have been in every room of his house, including his old office. He has been happy to show us every room of his house, including his bedroom and his walk-in-closet. My wife has been in and out of the house countless times, has a key and the combo to the security system. And a couple of other people at the party that this occured in (My FIL for one) suggested we go out and see the room. He had already seen it. So, going out there was not, in our minds, invading his privacy. We didn’t sneak out there. We didn’t just barge in. And we didn’t go where no one else had been that day.
Flown off to Tahiti together? Ok…bad joke. What I would do, is grab her by the wrist, tell her that’s not appropriate and don’t do it again, and leave it at that. (Especially if I were her uncle, a person of authority over her.) Either that, or simply laugh it off and walk away. Depends on the situation.
Interesting choice of words! I think you handled the situation in a proper adult fashion, though. Heck, she may have just been imitating her crotch-grabbing brother, just fooling around. It only happened once, right? Did both incidents happen at the same time?
It’s not that I am upset, but after adding up those posts I came to the same conclusion that Scumpup did- this is an entirely made up set of facts and circumstances, designed to elicit the sort of responses it has. Thus, I- and many others- have wasted my time and effort trying to give worthwhile advice on a non-existant situation.
You do realize that turning over children old enough to read and write to “the system” can be worse than a crappy household, right?
Seriously, bizarre, slightly crazy but basically decent parents trump bouncing from foster home to foster home, or God forbit, some of the lamer state-run group homes.
So if the room is so top secret why would he have been talking about it and letting everyone else in to see it? I think that while you and your wife were in the room checking it out, you & she made some disparaging comments about a grown up with video games (or him in general) and he overheard you, hence the nasty look.
. . . right . . . because people frequently go around disparaging adults for playing video games. Then, after insulting a guy for his hobby, kurahee was so confused that he had to start a thread on a message board, where he forgot to mention that.
Sorry, but your little hypothetical here doesn’t make the slightest bit of sense. A straight-up accusation of trolling would at least be logically tenable; the scenario you proposed doesn’t even make that much sense. What would be the point of offending someone and then going anonymously to a bunch of strangers to act confused at their response, and omit the part about offending them? Under what circumstances would a person do that?
I find this amazing. You are accusing me of trolling, a major no-no as far as I can tell. Making this up? Are you insane, or are you trying to de-rail a thread? Perhaps you, Scumpup, and others are uncomfortable with the topic. But what in God’s name gives you the idea that I would waste this kind of time on a message board? Congering up BS to get a rise out of strangers? I have a job. I have a life. I have other things to do.
This has been a major conversation between my wife and myself. I’m unwilling at this point to call any authorities. What I described is what I’ve seen/felt/confirmed with my wife.
WTF? We are adults. As I remember it, the only word that was spoken when we looked in the room was “Wow!” It is a great room. We didn’t poke fun at his video games. :rolleyes:
Do you and Frank share a computer? Honestly, this is weird. I’ve seen people jump on the moderator bandwagon to score points, but you have no clue what you are saying.
If you find no truth in this thread, I don’t care. Don’t reply. I’ve been very open-minded to both sides of this issue, but to accuse me of trolling is just wrong. I hope whoever you are trying to impress on this board buys you a beer. In the meantime, I’m ignoring you. Feel free to ignore me and this thread.
And I hope for your sake you never have to deal with a real life problem that isn’t defined by an episode of “Full House”.
I’m confused as to why anyone would believe the OP to be lying. :dubious:
He seems rather humble about the criticism so far and willing to take the lumps.
So what are you going to do? Hope for the best? That always works out well, doesn’t it?
Like I said, the OP is closer to all of this than we are, and I believe his description of events is leaving out some non-verbal stuff that he and his wife are picking up on. I, having no other information in this situation, would make sure the kids are safe. Whether or not it’s a real situation, as described I would still think something was wrong with the BIL, and I would take steps to protect the kids.
Surely the only two choices here aren’t ignore it vs have the guy arrested? Talk to your local CPS, without identifying yourself or the subject. Talk to police about what they think, keeping it “hypothetical” when you talk to them.
But ignoring something that is potentially this damaging isn’t an option, in my opinion. And the name of this forum is still In My Humble Opinion, right?
Perhaps it’s just a vibe they’re getting. You know how those vibes can be.
I haven’t responded to this thread before now, because to me, the whole story has come off as sort of overly dramatic and ill conceived, becoming even more so with each subsequent post providing more “evidence”. Perhaps the OP is accurately reporting his impressions, but that only makes me think that his impressions are colored by his dislike of his brother in law, and a peculiar craving for drama.
You’re not trolling. I think you’ve made a lot of connections in your head that aren’t true, but that’s not the same as lying. Understand, this is a heavy-duty topic, and none of us are seeing the full picture. Not even you. So it’s natural for people to over-react, it happens all the time. (Heck, this discussion’s far more serene than others I’ve been involved in!)
This point cannot be stressed enough. CPS is useful, in cases of severe neglect – drug-addict mothers, overt physical abuse, exposed to prostitution, and the like. There are some real horror stories out there, worse than you can ever imagine, and those are the cases where the system MUST get involved, no matter how crappy the system is. It really boils down to how the children are being treated – the kids in kuralee’s story sound happy, well-adjusted, and cared for. Their basic needs are met, they aren’t dirty & starving.
Now, here’s the problem. Working for social services, seeing all these horribly mistreated children – it infects your mind. Ultimately, they start to see abuse everywhere. They can’t imagine a household where abuse is NOT going on. In other words, you can’t trust CPS to make a sane decision in this case. They would rather take the children away, and ask questions later. Frankly, it’s not even about they money they get. It’s about imagining what might be going on, and even if it’s only a 1% chance…is it worth that risk? That’s how their minds work!
Remember, once CPS gets involved, it’s not a case of innocent 'til proven guilty. Just the opposite – the parents will be guilty until proven innocent.
This statement simply is not true. Not in this state, at least. My mother is a social worker employed by the state Family Independence Agency and used to sometimes be involved in taking children out of homes. And the legal standard to have a child removed is enormous; there are real horror stories of her agency not being able to remove a child from a home where one of the parents was molesting them (meaning the child has to live with it until the trial) or the child was being severely - in some cases, horrifically - neglected. Removing a child from a home ordinarily requires involvement from the courts; it’s not as though a CPS agent can simply look around, decide there are too many dirty dishes in the sink, and take the kids away like in that episode of The Simpsons. The other way around is a lot more common - kids in horrible situations, and no way to rescue them.
What I would do, is grab her by the wrist, tell her that’s not appropriate and don’t do it again, and leave it at that. (Especially if I were her uncle, a person of authority over her.) Either that, or simply laugh it off and walk away. Depends on the situation.