There’s the key. But in order for me to have the opportunity to play it cool and pretend to ignore a girl (thus apparently making me irresistible?) I’d have to get their attention first.
They sure as hell won’t be the ones approaching me considering that they haven’t since…ever, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Girls at parties and bars just don’t approach 21 year old guys who look 15 and are amazingly scrawny, who’da thunk it? Though I have put on 15 pounds in the last 4 months and am attempting to build some kind of muscle mass to cover my pathetically stick like arms, I’m still not happy with my appearance at all. I don’t think I look that bad when I look in the mirror, but any pictures taken of me seem to show otherwise (the camera apparently takes 10 pounds off me instead of adding five). And having co-workers and acquaintances who take joy in belittling me and making me aware of how pathetically skinny and awkward I look just…well that’s a whole other topic for another thread…someday. Let’s just say it’s hard to have any type of confidence when the only reinforcement you get is negative.
So yeah, girl’s aren’t going to come flocking to me anytime soon, so the approaching will have to be done by me, which will make it pretty hard for me to then play it cool and pretend I’m blowing them off considering I made the first move.
I don’t really know what to make of most of the women-approaching advice I’ve been given. Too many people say the ol’ “be yourself” but that doesn’t fair to well for me. It seems like if I really want to accomplish anything with the opposite sex I’m going to have to be the complete opposite of who I really am and put on a flawless, Oscar-worthy performance. What I wouldn’t give to be one of those guys who doesn’t have to put on an act, and really can just be themselves and get girls to approach them.
Man, if only you knew how much I can relate to you. You are me 5 years ago. I’m unnaturally skinny, and was in your exact position.
First of all, I’m sure that you know of, as well as we all do, a few unattractive friends that have somehow landed a beautiful girl. Obviously it helps to be really attractive, but you have seen proof that it’s not always the case. It is accomplished through CONFIDENCE, a trait the women are incredibly attracted to. From your description of yourself, it seems as though you are lacking in this department (as I was and still am in certain respects). But luckily, there are many things you can do to build this up.
Step one is to stop worrying about getting women immediately. Set your sights on getting women in 1 to 2 years (obviously you can try in the meantime, but this is a longer term goal). Take some of the pressure off. Improve your body and your style, up your confidence, and you’ll be in a better position.
I would recommend joining a gym within a week. If you are in school, you may have access to one for free or really cheap. Don’t be self-conscious when you are there, you’re not there to look cool in front of meatheads or to pick up chicks, you’re there to improve your body, which is what gyms are for. Stick with it! That’s the hardest part. Go religiously! You will see small results right away and after a year you will have radically changed your body. The nice thing about being skinny is that you are a blank canvas . . . not having any fat to lose means that all the muscle you gain will show. The important thing is that you aren’t doing this specifically to look good, but also to FEEL good. Once you get over the hump, working out is like confidence on tap. You will improve your looks and confidence, which will make you far more attractive to the opposite sex.
Looking back, another mistake I was making was that I was not remotely stylish. Us guys don’t normally care about stuff like that, but most women are far more in tune to that realm. I learned this after being rejected by a “friend” much like the once you’ve been describing (that I had forgot about until now, so there was 4 in total). I was in the friend zone, and later ran into her at a bar. She was obviously smitten with this other guy who had the latest jeans, a cool haircut . . . he looked “cool,” almost rebellious. I looked in the mirror and noticed I was a decade behind in style. Take some time and buy some cool clothes, but don’t be too hasty. Make sure it works for you . . . I would seek the help of a gay man (they work at clothing stores), they know what’s cool and would get all the girls if they weren’t gay. Nothing looks sillier than someone trying to be stylish and failing.
Also, keep in mind that this advise is from one skinny guy to another . . . some dudes can get tons of chicks because they’re huge athletes and would never take this advise. I think this is our best angle.
So now you’ve got some cool clothes and you look better because you’ve been working out all the time, and so you feel a lot better AND YOUR CONFIDENCE WILL SHOW. You’ll find when it’s time to go out, you’ll feel and look cool, which makes going out more fun in the first place. You’ll be having a good time, looking confident, and ATTRACTING WOMEN!
Finally, don’t go out and expect to meet someone, just go out to have a good time. That way you’ll never come home in the dumps because you’re alone. You need to put yourself in a position to meet more women, and the more friends you make, the more chances there are for that to happen. Next thing you know, when you last expected it, BOOM you met a hottie that’s into you as well.
Also, I never did well picking up women at bars. My ace in the hole has always been “friends of friends.” You make a new friend, he has a girlfriend who has a friend, and she has friends . . . etc.
People will probably respond and say “hey this is superficial, don’t listen to that guy” and they may be right. But girls are into certain things, and if you aren’t aware of it you’ll have a harder time attracting them.
Overall, the bottom line is that you need to build your confidence, and I do that by working out. Confidence is the key.
My final idea is that you are at a difficult age to find women. As time goes on, your friends will start getting married, and at that point women get desperate. All your male friends will be tied down in marriages and many of the women you’ll meet will be desperate to find a man, than it’s easy pickings!
Haha, I just started a thread based on this very idea. I don’t know how much I like the idea of having to wait until I’ve reached an age where women will settle for me out of desperation.
How old are you and where are you located? It may happen sooner than you think. I’m origninally from the Midwest (now in Los Angeles) and my friends started getting married at 23 and now that I’m 27, most of them are married. I started successfully dating alot when I was 24. It took several awkward and botched attempts before I had any success.
I look back and I wish I knew what I know now. I spent countless hours feeling lonely and wallowing in self pity for no reason . . . and as soon as I’d get a window of opportunity I’d screw it up do to my over-enthusiasm. I’d go out desperately hoping to meet somebody and then come home ready to cry because it seemed impossible. At 24 I had my last “friend” backfire . . . I was fed up at this point. A month later I met a way hotter girl and took my sweet time calling her (I thought of a lame reason to get her number . . . she gave it to me) because I was fed up with women and thought it was a waste of my time. Later she told me she was waiting by the phone! I called her after 2 weeks and we went on a date. I was disappointed with my peck on the cheek at the end of the night (“great . . . back in the friend zone”) and so I decided to blow her off. In some sick way this treatment was effective in making her MORE interested . . . she called me, and after one more date we clicked and ended up dating for several months, and then it was on. I had the confidence I needed. It would have been nice if I could have “played the game” (i.e. acted aloof, disinterested) instead of becoming naturally disinterested due to utter failure and being fed up.
Oh yeah, and who cares if they settle for you out of desperation? That’s the best tool you can hope for! Take full advantage of being in that situation, because the tables are completely reversed. Women can take their pick up through college, and the dudes are always the ones that are desperate. You’re entitled to your turn!
I fail to see how it’s a good thing for me to end up with a girl who’d settle for me.
“Eh, those guys in college were all great for sex, but I’m done with that phase in my life. I want someone who’s ready to settle down. I need security. I guess you’ll do.”
I would take pleasure…nay, GLEE, in flat out rejecting a girl like that. Well, maybe not glee, but mainly out of spite and bitterness. “You got your rocks off and now you’re ready to settle down with safe secure little me? No thanks.”
Well, it’s really not that obvious that they’re “settling” for you, it’s not like they’re scowling at you. It’s a subtle difference . . . girls that used to stay on the fence get into the game.
Also, you know that “nerd” girl from high school/college? Well now she’s hot and available. Same story as us nerd dudes, only the female version. They figure out how to look sexy and want to go out and find dudes. A whole new demographic of available women enter the dating pool.
The sex doesn’t go anywhere! If anything, the girls get more open minded and sexually adventurous. They may no longer make out with their girlfriend at a frat house when they’re wasted, but sex is definitely on the menu. Have you ever seen “Sex in The City”? I thank god every day for that show. It teaches girls how great it is to have sex all the time, and several women I know who are fans of the show want to be just like the women in the show. That’s a plus for us!
Exactly . . . that’s exactly what you do . . . AFTER you have sex with them. See how that works?
No, I don’t see how that works. Sex is only going to happen in the confines of a serious relationship for me. And I’m not too fond of the whole casual sex/one night stand thing, especially when it pertains to a woman who might be my partner.
Allright, well there’s no reason you can’t have that as well, it’s not like your only option is to sleep with women and then dump them. Get in the game and you’ll eventually find what you’re looking for IMHO.
