fessie
I’m sorry that things have come to this. And sorrier that it sounds like you’ve been living in misery for a long time. I’m glad you are leaving for the sake of your kids, and sorry that you don’t appear to value yourself or your happiness enough to leave for your own self.
While I understand the emotional appeal of keeping the kids in the “only home they’ve ever known” and the appeal of not needing to find a new home, new school, etc. while you are trying to establish yourself, don’t let that desire be an expensive albatross around your neck.
Try not to spend too much time looking back at the things you coulda shoulda woulda done differently if you could, but don’t let fear of the unknown make you back down either.
Best wishes for you and your twins on the road ahead.
Thank you all so much. I feel genuinely comforted by your replies. I’m really glad I posted this here. ::insert big happy heart smilie::
I’ve completely changed my mind about leaving this house. We need to leave. It’s much too big for me to take care of anyway, I’m not a good housekeeper. We don’t need 2,000 s.f. of stuff.
A fresh start and a smaller place will make a wonderful, positive change.
And my kids won’t have to change schools! I enrolled them in the local charter school for kindy. It’s been a wonderful match. So it doesn’t matter where we live, though I do plan to stay in the county.
The kids had their first meeting with their therapist yesterday and like him a lot (and he seems quite competent). I think it will be great for them to have a male in whom they can confide as we go through this process.
Happy Thanksgiving!
(I’ve got twins nearly the same age, and if they are signaling it’s time to go, well you know what that means. Plus, I’ve followed you twin posts for years and dad was hardly ever there…)
My parents divorced when I was young, and really all I remember of it was the relief. I was so glad that there was no more yelling, no more crying, no more tension. Kids are resilient. Remember there are millions of kids there dealing with much worse things. As long as they have love and you can regain stability relatively soon, that will be enough.
I don’t know many people who divorced with young kids who ended up thinking they made a mistake, but I know a lot of folks* who feel strongly that they never should have married that person in the first place and who regret not having jumped ship sooner, kids and all. Sorry for the pain, Fessie.
Good on you! A smaller home with less clutter AND a lot less tension sounds very good. All too often, our stuff just holds us down.
One more thing that might cheer you up. You might remarry in the near future. Or you might even find a friend or roommate in the same position as you are. And you might share household responsibilities and finances together. Then you and your kids will be better off financially again. So your finacial setback may not last very long in the end.
I’m sorry you’re going through this Divorce is rough even under perfect circumstances, but it sounds like you’ve got your head on straight and you’re doing all the right things, especially with getting the kids in therapy. Good for you!
Of course it would be best to stay in your home, and to not work fulltime. But really, are those things worth staying with your husband? Unfortunately, you might have to make sacrifices, but if the outcome is worth it…
I wanted to say a quick thanks for all the supportive posts and tell you that you would not BELIEVE how much better EVERYTHING is!!!
Seriously!!!
!!!
feeling quite exclamatory
My ex husband is doing a really decent job of parenting our kids. From day one I have been 100% supportive of his relationship with them ALL THE TIME and I am so glad. NO bitching from me. They are thriving Nothing’s perfect, but it’s good
And ME? I’m having a blast! The divorce process was painful at times, and there have been rotten weeks, but truly this summer was the most fun I’ve ever had.
And I’m building the career I always wanted It’s amazing. SO many wonderful things have happened - I’ve had successes that I never imagined possible. It’s all small scale stuff, but so significant to me
It’s remarkable what you can have in the world when you let go.
Glad things are going better for you. It’s sad but sometimes divorce is really what it takes to make a bad situation better. My best wishes go out to you and your kids and your ex, I hope it is amiable between all of you.
Oh, whew! I started reading this thread and thought, hmm, I thought she left him a long time ago, and I was feeling so sad for you and your kids and how it was going to turn out… and then, oh hey, it’s already turned out! I’m so glad it’s worked out well for you and the kids- good news!
I’m not sure that it’s “better” for my ex, because he’s still SO angry and bitter, BUT he’s worked hard for and earned a relationship with our kids. Maybe in another year or two he’ll be in a place where it’s truly better.
Divorce is rough even under perfect circumstances, but it sounds like you’ve got your head on straight and you’re doing all the right things, especially with getting the kids in therapy. Good for you!
