PB, thanks, even though I am sure your offer to help me probably just scared the crap out of alot of the folks here, I am going to take you up on that offer.
A natural blonde with all that knowledge could be dangerous you know.
I really have tried to catch on, but being the military man raised in a military family he has no patients.
I did try to get a friend to teach me sexy phrases in German since that is where he spent his time before Saudi, but nobody would help me there either.
I had a guy hit on me once since I was wearing Scotts’ Army t-shirt. He said that he love where the letters sat on a woman. Um, gee thanks I guess.
I was also told that the people weren’t supposed to say ruanchy cadence when around housing. From what I heard they never paid attention to that little rule.
From purplebear
Sheesh! Tell me something I don’t know, sister! 
While on Okinawa, I was stationed at a dependent clinic on a Marine base - Camp Kinser (good men, those Marines). Anyhoo, my most memorable experiences there were always about 1-2 months after the Marines came back from field exercises in Thailand or Korea. We’d be getting lots of Marine wives calling in because “I’ve got an itch/drip/red spot”.
When we explained to them that they had gonorrhea/clamidia/crabs/whatever and that it was a sexually transmitted disease, 9 out of 10 would say “But I’ve been faithful to my husband”. We would then keep having to repeat “You have a sexually transmitted disease.” until something finally clicked and then went home hell-bent for leather lookin’ to kick some Marine booty.
Scary!
One of my first duties was the personnel clerk for an NCO academy. As such, we had to wear special, shiny silver insignia on our fatigues(rather than the subdued, black kind). Of course, this meant that I was getting saluted by enlisted men all the time because they saw the glint of silver on my collar. I gave up trying to explain that I wasn’t an officer and just saluted them back.
-The neat thing is…they had to remodel the academy, and while it was shut down, we went to an Air Force “Dining Facility” for all of our meals. Jesusferchrissake, they had food! And you got to order ala carte. (No “Two plops on a platter. What izit? Don’t matter.”) On the weekends, they set up a self-service buffet, and you could go any time you liked, and eat as much as you wanted.
I suppose those flyboys needed all the nourishment they could get after their strenuous 4-hour days manning the break room.
It was a shame when our old mess hall re-opened.
Oh, and while you’re there, I need a pound of elbow grease, 4 skyhooks, a yard of flightline, a 5 gallon bucket of prop wash, a degausser for the magnetic bearing and a quart of fuse coolant. Do yourself a favour and take a cart. Thanks!
Oh and BTW, these gags really work! I was running the benchstock when one day this two striper comes in looking for 6 feet of flightline. I told her to wait a sec while I checked in back. I returned to tell her I only had 8 feet, but it was divided between two rolls, and “of course you know you can’t splice that stuff, you’ll lose the continuity; why don’t you try over at AGE?”
She thanked me and went trotting off across the ramp…
It does occasionally backfire though; a few months later my boss sent a kid off for some flightline, and an hour later he came back with a bunch of busted up concrete in the bed of the pickup. You guessed it. They were fixing the ramp, and this kid wasn’t as stupid as he looked!
Chief, I’m bustin’ a gut here. Some things haven’t changed. The one time I was on a det to an Air Force base was to Red Flag at Nellis. We stayed in some older barracks that were the nicest we had ever seen. Two man rooms with nice furniture, semi-privage bathrooms, lots of nice accoutriments. We were told these were deemed unfit for air force personnel but adeqate for sailors.
No, no, you’ve got it all wrong. you send them to Eng. for a bucket of steam, to the bos’n locker for a bos’n punch (“one or the whole set?”) and personnel for an ID-10T form.
One of the funniest moments I had aboard the “Big E” was as a tool room P.O. Some little newbie walked in and asked for “a fallopian tube”. I think I hurt myself trying to hold in the laughter while telling him to “check with Electrical Safety, we don’t have one here.”
And the AF has unusual aircraft, too!
Such as the GU-11 (actually a Navy bird), and our latest bomber, the B1-RD. We also have a large cargo plane, the CR-0W, and a cute little fighter job, the SW-1FT.
I still send my new guys to medical to get a PAP smear when they check in. It’s amazing how many of thes young guys don’t know what one is, yet will still tell the doc, “Chief says I need a PAP smear.”
I’ve got a standing arrangement with HT1 Todd Colliflouer, a buddy of mine, here on the IKE. I send my newbies down to pick up a “fallopian tube” he issues them a P-100 eduction pump (weighing about 55 pounds). If they fall for it and bring it to the office (up five decks) I tell 'em, "Not the closed one! I wanted an open one! Now go to the DCA (damage control assistant; a full Commander, BTW) and tell him the chief gave you the wrong blower and that you need “an open fallopian tube!”
The scary thing is, we’ve puled this 8-9 times. The DCA has yet to approach me or Todd about these guys lugging blowers into his office demanding fallopian tubes!
That’s Hooligan’s Navy! Maybe I’m dating myself because you’re still active. We ventured out into water’s much deeper than a puddle,at least to the depth of the anchor chain on your carrier.By the way,thanks for giving us a refueling or two during a few offshore rescues. In another thread I said I was former CG, and have went to school or worked as a civilian with the Navy,Marines and Air Force. A salute to you all and The Army even if I had no dirrect interaction.You have my respect.
Shoot, can’t resist,trivia question for the civilian dopers. If the Coast Guard is the fifth uniformed service,what are the two other’s? Got this from an old issue of the “Navy Times.”
Department of Transportation comes under DOD in time of war, and the other one would be… Federal Aviation Administration?
NOAA and Surgeon General-types.
Uncle Bill that would be # 5 the Coast Guard and # none…annnnnnt…wrong.We’re looking for #6 and #7. Chief Scott,one right NOAA,(different,huh) and one hint. Quiet,this was a civilian question.
Hey! The United Stated Public Heath Service is too a uniformed service!!! (You know, “Surgeon General Types.” I didn’t think I needed to spell it out.)
I don’t know if this still happens, or is even allowed. I have heard that even chiefs initiations are tame now (not like the old CG and Navy).
We used to announce that a “sea bat” had been caught and all hands wanting to see it should lay to the bosn’ hold.
The bosn’ hold would be darkened and a box with a small hole in it would be sitting on the deck. We would let in one person at a time by explaining we didn’t want to get the “sea bat” excited. The person would be given a small flashlight with a red lens and told to bend over and peer through the hole while lighting the hole up with the flashlight, they could then see the “sea bat”. Another person, usually the meanest and strongest bosn would be standing behind and to the side of the “sea bat” viewer, the bosn would be holding a broom in the fashion of a baseball bat. When the person bent over to look in the hole, whaapppp!!
One viewing of a “sea bat” was enough for everyone except one ensign. He tried to look at the “sea bat” at least four times, got whacked and knocked to the deck four times and finally said “Would you boys stop whacking me with that broom, I can’t see the damn sea bat.”
True story, USCGC Boutwell, Bering Sea, 1974.
I’ve mentioned the “Sea Bat” already. We did it on the bridge of the Nimitz as late as 1992.
I went through the “real” chiefs initiation in 1994. Baloots (sp?), brand and all.
sshhh. sshhh. quiet. a civilian question. I know you got it right.
I did mine in 1984, charge books, baloots, dive bombing, the whole burrito. We only had one E-7 that refused to do it, sumbitch never did make chief.
I think I would’ve almost paid you money to get some new guy to come ask me this. Maybe I could’ve got him put up in the stirrups.
Here’s the scene:
1 fresh sailor, reporting to sick bay.
MMSN: ChiefScott says I need a PAP smear.
HM3: He does, eh? Well, we better get you set up then. If the other guys on the ship found out you didn’t get one, well, they’d probably harrass you pretty bad.
MMSN: Really? What’s all involved? What does it do?
HM3: Oh, its a simple procedure, completely painless. We insert a long link of chain into your penis so when you’re on the flight deck, you can be attached to the deck - you know, that way you don’t get blown off. Here, take off all your clothes, sit on the table and I’ll go get the guy from Engineering to give me a hand. It’ll only take a second.
MMSN: oaaaahhhhh, ::passes out on deck::
HM3: keels over laughing.
Okay, cheesy, I know.
Actually, Doc does freak 'em out using the stirrups. A turkey baster is also involved!