Reply, does your college offer therapy or counseling services? It might help you get some insight into your self-esteem and develop some tools for improving it.
Think of it as sprucing up your emotional profile, much as someone might do with his dating profile or personal appearance.
I think you are pretty too.
I’m a guy, but when I read your profile it makes me think you’re a giant douche. The first sentence I read is:
Yeah, I think society is generally pretty happy with their gap between them and nature. And who the hell are you to (1) decide such a gap exists and (2) be the one to fix it? That’s problem one.
Problem two. You do not get to have 18 favorite movies. You sure as hell don’t get to have hundreds more when you were younger. It makes you seem self important and better than everyone else. Like you are too good to merely have a couple favorite movies or books like the rest of us mere mortals.
There’s nothing wrong with being a crunchy granola save the world guy. You just can’t give off the “and I’m better than you for it” vibe. Unfortunately your profile reeks of it. After reading it, I think that you think that you are better than me because you want to live in a tree house by the river and I want an apartment in the city.
I’d change/remove the following:
I’d like to help bridge the gap between nature and society.
I want to live a life of service. Part environmentalist and part technophile, I believe science, education and the global sharing of information will enable us to live better, kinder, wiser lives.
It’s more important that you care about people and nature and act to serve one (or both) in whatever way you feel most comfortable.
I value my yoga practice.
these are not things that define me,
Yeah, I’m the sappy type.
You believe life should be about community-building and world-saving and all that crunchy-good stuff.
Hint: If you want a BMW and a white picket fence, I ain’t your guy. If you dream of living in a treehouse by the river, let’s talk. I’ll bring power tools if you’ll bring the lumber. FSC, of course.
This stuff sticks out in your posts like a sore thumb, **Reply. **
Why are you noting that you are ‘still friends’ with these women? That says something about how you are going into these things. A bit too sappy/romantic/Utopian, I think.
More to come, later…
I haven’t read all of the other posts, but, a 5’10" Asian male, at least around here, is pretty darned tall, and it may put him outside of the “Asian male” stereotype demographic. At least IRL, not on a website.
That’s one on me. I checked out her pic, and knew she was hot. I just thought she was a MILF. 
OP, do you feel very sad, angry at world, worried about not getting a GF? I think you are likely to feel in that way because you have created this thread. What about seeing a mental health expert? It doesn’t mean you are freak, crazy or something. I received professional help and medications really really help!
I agree. I really don’t use OKC much. I’m rarely on it.
Just last night I went to a party. I talked to a lot of women there (admittedly an out-of-character thing). There was this one vegetarian girl who biked 700 miles from Vancouver. We talked about outdoor co-ops, couchsurfing, and how to say “quinoa” in French. (For you unbelievers, this really IS what this is town is like. This is hardly unusual.) We were up chatting by the fire until 2am and it was fun… I just didn’t know what to do after that.
Every time I’ve perceived interest from the other person, I’ve been almost universally proven wrong, so I’ve learned not to trust that feeling. I didn’t think this girl was interested – not that it would’ve mattered anyway, given that she was en route to Argentina. But I wouldn’t have known what to do even if she were potentially interested and a local.
I can make conversation just fine. I can make people laugh, blah blah. But I don’t know how to go from there to… “So… um, would you maybe ever… um… yeah… um… go out… and like… do something… yeah… um… with someone like me?”
It’s interesting you bring that up. See, that’s exactly what I thought too… except OKC has this service where you submit your pool of profile pictures to a mob of other users. They see your picture, anonymously, with the question, “Would you go rather go on a date with the person in this picture or that picture?”. Well, guess what, the digging one always beat all my others. I’ve submitted different sets to the system multiple times and the digging one always wins, face or no face, smile or no smile, blah blah.
It’s totally counter-intuitive, but unless there’s something wrong with their algorithms, apparently that’s what the data says.
As an aside, OKC runs a “data of dating” blog and here’s a semi-relevant entry: The 4 Big Myths of Profile Pictures (example: for men, smiling doesn’t matter nearly as much as one would believe)
Aww. Thank you 
Bow-chikka-bow-wow!
Really? Is there this much drama in gay relationships too?
Thanks for the support. I can’t do it any other way without feeling like a fraud, so I guess I’m stuck with this.
I will take your advice and try to be lighter about these things. But as for green… it’s so un-brown!
Gotcha. I’m actually trying to get in shape for a triathlon. I’ll keep working on that instead of trying to build up muscle mass.
I’ve exhausted the pool of vegetarian hetero/bi women within 100 miles (there weren’t that many to begin with). I’ll keep an eye out for newcomers, but people around here really just aren’t into the whole online thing much. I’ve met a few women in other regions and there’s been a mutual willingness to meet… it just seemed silly to drive 500 miles to meet potential dates. But maybe after college I’ll consider Portland or another bigger hippie community.
Really? As a woman you wouldn’t find that creepy?
OK. It’s harder as a guy because I have to initiate all the messages and dates anyway, but there were a few leads that I didn’t really try to get a date out of. I will be more open in the future.
OK. I’ll aim for about a month or 3-4 dates.
I’ve been to several festivals with friends. They are universally intimidating. I have no idea how to approach a stranger and express interest. When I think about festivals, the first thing that comes to mind is “There would probably be so many awesome women there.” The second thing that comes to mind is “And none of them will give me the time of the day. I’ll probably end up spending every night moping in my tent.”
That’s only a few weeks away. Build a raft, meet you halfway?
And the rest was history…
Why not?
Do it! The cross-advice would probably help us all.
I’m not sure if they have remaining sessions for me this year (budget cuts). I’ll look into it.
Um, perhaps you’re reading a bit much into it? I don’t exactly walk around thinking “You’re a gap denier?!? BURN, heathen, under the fiery oppression of my hippie glare!”
I don’t even have my mind made up about climate change, which most of my peers would outright crucify me for. I just had a rather privileged childhood and I want to give back to the world in some way. There are many issues in the world – starving kids in Africa, the wealth gap, racial divides, social injustices, gay rights, blah blah. Nature just happens to be my thing. I originally wanted to do social work but eventually realized I just wasn’t very good with people.
I don’t know why you find that so offensive, but let me know if there’s a way to state it less confrontationally.
This is actually a standard practice on OKC. I think it’s a little weird too, but I think the point is less “bragging rights” and more “hopefully me and this complete stranger will have at least one thing in common through which to start a conversation.”
Again, I’m sorry if I come across that way because I’m probably the least militant guy of this type you’ll ever meet. Maybe I just too easily fit into the Angry Vegan stereotype, but I assure you I don’t think I’m better than you, just different. I live in an apartment too. I grew up in a city of 2 million and never set foot in a forest until well into adulthood. That’s why I dream of tree houses and rivers.
Well, ok, how could I change it to make it clear that:
shrug I just thought it’d be full disclosure. That, and I don’t like it very much when I lose friends. People are important to me and I value my close friendships; it sucks when I lose them due to romantic drama. It sucks more than being rejected by a potential lover.
I’ve compartmentalized the sadness enough such that I’m generally able to function in the world, but sure, once in a while the loneliness bubbles up. No, I’m not angry at the world or anyone else; I internalize my failures. I have gone to therapists in the past. They’re of limited help… I find that diet and exercise generally work better.
Well go and ask for them back from him ya goof.
I am talking about psychiatrist, not therapists. (well a psychiatrist can also be a therapist, but I want to be sure about your situation) What I was asking is "Did you use any anti-depressant or anti-psychotic medicines? If the answer is no, you should consider seeing a doctor.
I have tried in the past, to disastrous side effects. Different pills and brands. After researching their development a little more, I am now of the belief that neurology is more complex than modern pharmaceuticals can effectively and safely address – with sufficient precision and without undue side effects – and I’d rather not keep using myself as a guinea pig to keep trying. As befits the giant commune that is Arcata, I’ve also tried herbal tinctures – to no effect. There’s more to life than serotonin levels, besides. Anyway, as long as I exercise and eat well and stay socially involved, depression is not at all the issue it once was in my teenaged years.
I’m a straight male roughly the same age (31) as Mr. Reply.
I first suggest performing comedy, poetry, music, or all of those at open mics or other venues. Heck, sometimes one can get paid for such performances. I do this and I sometimes get more attention from women than I would prefer to be honest. So, that’s what works for me, and I’m far from being an Abercrombie model in the looks department. The significant challenge in my experience is filtering out the crazy ones who later turn out to be stalkers or pill heads. Not everyone has desire or talent for public performance, but it’s one idea.
Some of my male friends have other strategies. Some of these suggestions are not entirely serious:
I knew a couple guys during college who would go to a bar and hit on every lady there. They’d start with the best looking dames and move down the ladder from there…and would keep going…until they were talking to women that I wouldn’t wanna touch with a 10 ft long pole…and then move on to the next pub if they struckout. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that approach and personally prefer to know a lady a bit before formally dating.
Are there any cougar bars in your local region? I know of a couple watering holes near me where some well ahem mature women will hit on any swinging d**k under 40. A few of my more adventurous friends go that strategy once in a while…likely I gather for more a fling type situation. That’s not my scene, but a possible option depending on location.
Are there any gay bars in your area? Now, this might seem…uh…counter-intuitive. I was in a band about 10 years ago, and the lead singer had a straight male friend who lived next door to gay fellow in an apartment building. These two would both go to a nearby gay bar…the gay guy would mingle with other gays and the straight guy would hit on the females also known as the fag hags. Well, at least anecdotally, the straight fellow had some success with this. Why do that? For him it was the closest bar and well within walking distance.
I once had a co-worker who was attracted to larger women. He especially liked middle aged big beautiful women, i.e. the BBWs. I can say without a doubt that he was always on a hot streak. Oh my, the stories he would tell…wow. That reminds me to state a word of caution: don’t lick a lady’s vagina/clit area after eating spicy chicken wings or other spicy foods that may be within the vegan diet realm. He learned that the hard way. Oh, and don’t yank the anal beads out from lady as if you’re starting a lawnmower. He learned that the hard way too.
You have the online dating angle already targeted. Good luck and be patient. It’s been five years since I went that route, and there was some success. A refreshingly witty CraigList ad might get you more action than OkC.
Some people have real barriers to being relationship material such as poor health or physical deformities. So, you should feel positive about your prospects.
LOl. I am sorry but I had to laugh at this one. Therapy offered through a college’s counseling services is like getting a hamburger at McDonald’s. Sure, it looks like beef, maybe even smells like beef, but that is not beef.
You basically get a grad student working for their license in SW or Phd in psychology practicing on you and giving you a bunch of pointless psychology tests which are supposed to get at your personality and put your depression/anxiety/fears, etc on a scale. It’s bullshit.
P.S. if you are really unlucky they hit on you in your last session with them just to make the whole thing even more uncomfortable.
Lucky 
I can remember one or two who I wish would’ve hit on me.
ETA: FWIW, one thing in their favor is that they’re usually young and as yet unjaded by a lifetime spent listening to people’s unfixable problems. For all their inexperience, they treated me with much more humanity than did their elders, professionals in the field who are so callused you’re no more than a pharmaceutical flowchart to them. Depression in, SSRI out.
Once after I was hospitalized after a reaction to a drug, I went back for a visit with one of the old ones, this city’s preeminent psychiatrist. He chuckled and said “Heh, guess you weren’t faking it after all.”
Are you virgin? Have you ever sex with a girl who isn’t prostitute?
Yep. Nope.
Ignore the whole of this post, but listen to this part.
Wait, you’re a virgin? Dude, we gotta get you laid. Now that we’ve addressed what’s wrong with your OK Cupid profile, let’s work on you not trying to bone your friends and how not to come off as creepy in person.
You are 30 and you have not had sex with someone who is not prostitute. That’s sad, man! Truly sad. No pun or sarcasm intended. I am surprised at the fact that you haven’t committed suicide yet. What a horrible life you must live.