I was going to say I’m sorry for you, but, on reflection, I am extremely happy for you.
YOU DODGED A BIG FAT BULLET. DO NOT TAKE THIS TURD BACK WHEN HE COMES BACK, WHINING AND BEGGING.
Please read, memorize, and internalize the above.
Congratulations.
BTW, there is nothing wrong with you, except that you tolerate losers.
Your boyfriend cleaned out your bank account, then wouldn’t communicate with you for 4 days, and you had “words” with him when he returned? That was a huge under-reaction IMO. He didn’t just annoy you, or go out with the guys for a night and come home drunk. He stole from you. He treated you completely disrespectfully. This is the kind of person YOU should kick out of YOUR life.
I assume you have another 6 months before you can move out? Yikes. I agree with everyone else who says good riddance.
What she said. He cleaned out the bank account to the point where you couldn’t even buy gas.
Then you supposedly have a plan set up where the bills are all paid and he has his “fun money” - and he still blows $800 worth of bill money and doesn’t bother to show up to the same convention you’re both going to, leaving you wondering if he’s stranded when really he’s just spending everything.
He would rather gamble than be with you. Be glad he was at least that honest, protect yourself financially, and get away from him.
Dragongirl, why do you feel that you have to be with someone in order to be happy?
I wish I knew the answer to that. But, I don’t. I feel empty a lot of times and I really want to have someone who just loves me for me. I want to be special to someone, the top of the pedestal, I don’t want to be alone.
Ach. Hugs to you, dragongirl, I know how much you’re hurting right now …
… but this emptiness is not something that someone else can fill. It has to start with you and in you. Cliché alert! You have to love yourself first. You have to truly know and believe that you deserve to be treated well and to be loved, and the way you do that is to do it for yourself, not wait for someone else to do it. An SO should enhance your life, not make it worth living.
I might be reading waaaaaaaay too much into a prior post of yours, but I have mother issues too, and I know how a bad mother can leave you wounded well into adulthood. You seem to be looking for something in relationships that the men you choose to be with aren’t capable of providing. I really suggest you think, after you pull yourself safely out of this relationship and get settled in a new place, about finding a good therapist to help to heal the hurt parts in you. You need to be well and strong on your own before you open yourself up to the next relationship. Otherwise, you’re in serious danger of attracting someone who will use your vulnerability against you.
You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be happy.
Broken people can’t complete you.
shantih speaks the truth. You have to be special, top of the pedestal, to you. You’re kicking yourself off that pedestal in a desperate attempt to hold onto someone who isn’t worth it, who treats you very dismissively. Please make your own happiness your priority.
dragongirl–you married a self, immature male person.
You are innocent.
Ego te absolvo.
I don’t know you but I know that feeling. It’s lead me to make many mistakes in my life but one thing that I’ve learned over time is that it’s better to be alone then to be with the wrong person just so you aren’t alone.
You will meet the right man one day. If you want someone to talk to you have all of us.
I’m curious if there were any warning signs- was he always broke? Having constant drama in his life? Sometimes people pull this stuff out of nowhere, but other times warning signs are all over the place but we choose not to notice.
Cliches and all, shantih’s post is a good one. Good luck to you, OP. You’ll find happiness, but it wasn’t by going down this road.
Move out. Be absolutely sure that you have no financial connection with him anymore. It may be necessary to see a lawyer or a financial consultant to be sure of this. Don’t see him anymore unless it’s in a situation where you and he both have friends (and maybe lawyers) with you at the time.
Never again start a relationship with anyone unless you know enough about them to say that they aren’t physically abusive and aren’t addicts of any kind (and if at any point they turn out to be either, get out of the relationship immediately). Take a while after you start a relationship before you move in with them. Take a while after you move in before you decide to get married. Meanwhile, perhaps you should see a counselor who can help you understand why you find yourself in relationships with men who hurt you physically or mentally.
You have already had two men ask you to marry them. That means that you are not undesirable. Take your time from now on. You should be able to find a man who finds you to be desirable who is a good person himself.
Do the Wendell Wagner thing. MOVE OUT. I didn’t notice earlier that you were even living together.
MOVE OUT. MOVE OUT.
Forget whatever legal obligations that you have. They will be nothing compared to the financial drain that will accrue to you if you stay there. Bankruptcy is an attractive option since he will be a constant non ending drain on you and your finances.
Hold it! I’m sensing that you’re going to try to work something out with him. You are, aren’t you. Why are you doing that? Stop it. Now.
dragongirl, please let us know what’s going on.
dragongirl, I’'ve followed your earlier threads. How is your daughter doing in all of this? Your son must have moved out by now, but your daughter is…what, fifteen years old now?
I am not trying to work anything out with him. I have been trying very hard to find a place for myself and my daughter to go, but I’m not coming up with anything yet. I do feel like I am in hell though. It really sucks to be sharing a house with someone that I am no longer with. It’s making me sick in fact and I have been unable to eat or sleep much for a while.
My son does not live with us and has not been affected by this. My daughter has been though. She was close to him and saw him as her father and now that is gone as well. I have been trying to talk to her about what we need to do, and she is not taking things well at all. She is over 18 now.
After this story, this is your question? There’s nothing wrong with you. Your fiancee was an asshole, in more ways than one.
And you know what, there’s nothing wrong with being alone. Have you got a job? Income? A place to live? Food on your plate? Clothes to wear? Now, that covers your basic needs.
Now, you need to figure out how to enjoy life. Do things that please you. Hang out with people who make you feel good. Forget the idea that you have to stop being alone. You are a free individual in this world, free to make choices, free to have fun.
You are missing intimacy? Sex? Hell, you’re a woman. You can get that. Just stop thinking of it as a way to stop being alone.
Figure out your life as an individual, what makes you tick, what makes you happy, and go out and do it. Be happy with yourself, first. That’s what makes someone attractive – someone who lives as if he or she doesn’t need anything else.
Make “alone” your friend instead of your enemy.
And here’s another piece of advice – if you do end up again with a boyfriend, fiance, husband someday sooner or later – don’t mingle your money. Keep your own bank account to yourself.
I just want you to know you are a good person who deserves to be and will be loved again. Like others have said, it’s better it happened now than later. If you’ve read my recent threads, I was also dumped by my hopeful future wife (we were not engaged, but we had talked marriage) She said “she would love me forever”, and other such platitudes. She even wrote me a wonderful love letter exactly one week before she decided she wanted to separate.
That being said, like everyone else has chimed in, he has a horrible addiction. Be glad he didn’t gamble away your potential kids college fund.
I don’t have any answers about how a person can be so misleading with their emotions to another. I think the fact that you realize this, and that you don’t understand it either, says that you know yourself, are ethical, and that you deserve a better person. You will find him one day. Heal, be well, and take your time to be happy and to do all the things YOU want to do.
Sympathies and understanding.
Yes!! This is the best advice you can have. I was in a place much like you are and this is basically what I did and it turned out wonderfully. Good luck!