Fair enough, but I hope you at least check out my final post in that other thread. You may find it revealing…
Regards,
Barry
I am 5’ 4" (female) and I am extremely interested in a man I know who is 5’ 3".
If he asks me out, I will certainly accept.
My sister did.
No, I wouldn’t think you’re shallow. You can’t help it.
What we’re looking for in a partner, is health, mainly, as a healthy partner will give you healthy babies, so your genes will have been successfully passed on. (this all subconscious, BTW).
The main characteristic of health, is beauty. The less diseases you have had as a child, the less marred your appearance is going to be. For example: in the Middle Ages, a notoriously disease-riddled era, a person was considered beautiful when they had “good” skin. You could be fat or thin, small or big, red hair, or blonde, whatever. Skin was an indication of health.
See, with men, the sexual reflex and/or response, is linked to the optic nerve, which is also one of the reasons why men keep their eyes open more often than women during sex.
A men is looking for a healthy partner, therefor he’s looking for the most beautiful. A hip-waist ration that’s attractive to men, is 70/100. This ratio is attractive whether you’re a bit chubby or whether you’re petite, as the signal that gives to men is that you’re not pregnant, and therefor eligible as a mate.
When women reach gtheir menopauze, the places where they’ll put on weight, is there waist, making them unattractive to men in their prime.
Extremely overweight women will have no recognisable waist and hips, and therefor most men would not be attracted to them in a sexual kind of way, as they do not perceive them as potential “mates” as such.
It’s the nature of the beast, don’t beat yourself up over it.
Don’t say “gypped”. It’s offensive to the Roma.
OK. I can die with a smile on my face, without thinking that the good Lord welshed on me.
I don’t think anyone should feel guilty about what they’re attracted to. But that said, I do find it slightly short-sighted when people say that they will NEVER find attractive someone who is fat or chinless or short-haired or whatever. It just seems unreasonable to completely rule out ever dating someone with a particular physical feature. It’s fine to have preferences but they shouldn’t be set in stone if you’re an open-minded, reasonable person.
I support you in this part of your message. If you’re not attracted to a person for some reason, that’s fine - they don’t appeal. We all have difference preferences - some girls like guys with a lot of hair - I don’t.
Here is where I have a problem. This is getting into judging a book by its cover. Just because someone is large does not mean they are any less sexual than a thin person . So - I would change your second sentence to be “To me, fit women and men make better lovers” - it’s definitely an opinion, not a fact. Also - I am bothered by your first sentence in this quote - can you please not use language like obese porker - it’s insensitive, and it hurts. It doesn’t really contribute anything to the point you are trying to make.
Susan
A personal gravity well will never be attractive for me.
A person is attracted to whoever they’re attracted to. That’s just how it works, and you can’t expect people to change that. Not wanting to date someone because you are not physically attracted to them isn’t shallow. Dating someone solely because you are physically attracted to them, or deciding that someone is a ‘loser’ or a worthless person because you don’t find them physically attractive, is shallow.
I’m not attracted to guys with big lumpy scary muscles. That’s not shallow. If I say that all lumpy muscle-y guys are disgusting and I wouldn’t be caught dead in their presence, then yeah, I would be shallow. I am attracted to tall skinny pale musicians with long hair. But if I date a guy for the sole reason that he’s a tall skinny pale long-haired musician, then yes, that’s shallow. That’s how I think of shallow, at least. I wouldn’t date a guy I didn’t have connection with, no matter how tall, skinny, pale, or musical he is. If a guy doesn’t want to go out with me because I’m a size 22, then oh well, he just removed a beautiful and really cool girl from his possibilities. But he’s not shallow. Now if I approach this guy at a club and he says “Christ, why would I ever want to talk to a hog like you?” Then yes, he is shallow, and an asshole to boot. If a guy says, “I’d rather eat glass than date a fat chick.” then, yes, he’s shallow, and an asshole, and a dumbass as well.
Just my take on things.
Antares JB
(a fat chick with a nicely discernable waist and some sweet-ass hips, as well as a thing for tall skinny guys)
The Romani, you mean. If I were one, I would be very offended.
When you want someone to be your lover, IMO it’s just as important that you find them sexy, beautiful, and attractive physically as it is mentally. One can and should grow from the other, but both are important. Again, IMO, it’s PC tripe to say that you’re only dating a person for his mind. You’re not fucking his mind, though (unless you’re into that), you’re fucking his body, so you damn well better like it well enough, or you’re cheating yourself.
Sappho: re: the chin issue-- Lemme put it to you this way. I’m not saying I would never date someone with a weak chin. What I am saying is I never have, and that seems like a fairly good indicator that I never will. I have also never dated a guy who wasn’t slightly underweight. Doesn’t mean I never will, but if you’re into playing the odds, I probably never will. The fact that I can say honestly that I don’t date men lacking chins or who are overweight does not make me more or less of an asshole than someone who does. It just makes me honest. Same goes for the OP.
It’s not wrong to like what you like. No one should feel like a shallow asshole for knowing what they like and seeking it out. After all, who you have a relationship with is all on you, and what other people think of your choices doesn’t really matter if you’re happy.
I think the reason almost everyone finds someone is precisely because we all have our predilications. Frankly, as a tall, skinny, guy with a chin, I’m all for Rubystreak. My wife on the other hand… 
I also would have problems dating someone who is severely overweight. Not only am I not, but the things I like to do demand a certain amount of conditioning. (No, my wife does not run marathons with me, but we do ski, etc.) But it would just be “PC tripe” to claim that was all there is to it. The fact is, I would probably not approach someone who is way overweight, when there are plenty of women around who do turn me on. Just like plenty of woman have disregard me because I’m tall and skinny, or other reasons. (Never for my chin, though.) Of course, I’m ok with being shallow. It just means I’m lying down.
This is about to change…
Hi Lobelia!
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Rubystreak *
**When you want someone to be your lover, IMO it’s just as important that you find them sexy, beautiful, and attractive physically as it is mentally. One can and should grow from the other, but both are important. Again, IMO, it’s PC tripe to say that you’re only dating a person for his mind. You’re not fucking his mind, though (unless you’re into that), you’re fucking his body, so you damn well better like it well enough, or you’re cheating yourself.
[QUOTE]
Yes, but you can do one of two things: you can find someone’s body attractive because of their personality; or you can start to date someone because of their physical appearance and later on make up your mind over whether or not you like their personality. I don’t think either approach is intrinsically better than the other but what some of the people who say things like “I find him/her attractive because of his/her mind” are getting at isn’t that they don’t find their body attractive as well but that they find their body attractive because of having first found them intellectually and emotionally attractive.
Sidenote - I was wondering whether this had anything to do with different approaches/conventions to do with relationships in the U.S. to Britain. In the U.S. as far as I’ve noticed on visits there’s a lot more in the way of casual dating than there is in Britain so maybe this stuff is more important. Just a thought, I’m not sure if it’s even on the right track.
What you say here is absolutely fine! But, if you reread your thread, I’m pretty sure you’ll find that you did, in fact, say that you wouldn’t ever date anyone with a weak chin. All I was trying to say was “never say never” not that you’re not allowed physical preferences!
Bonnie Tyler and Catherine Zeta-Jones called. They wanted me to tell you that they’re going to kick your ass.
Don’t have time to read the whole thread, please excuse me.
However, my take on the op is, no you are not a shallow asshole for not wanting to date fat women.
However, if you were to meet a woman who you were attracted to, and didn’t date her because she was “a fat woman”, then you would be a shallow asshole.
I had a date once through a newspaper singles column and told her to meet me at the tables outside a popular sandwich shop in town. She told me she’d have a red briefcase with her. When I parked and saw she was fat I just kept walking by, avoiding eye contact. When I got back around the block to my car she noticed me leaving and I know she figured out it was me because she left then. I felt like a heel, but on the next such date the girl dumped me - Just when I said I had a kid that lived with his mother, she went to the bathroom and never returned.
So it works both ways. We all have our preferences.
I am not attracted to men, radial tires, steam engines, or water buffalo. Does that make me a shallow asshole?
It’s all a matter of taste, of interest, I think.
Actually, the point of the thread was to see whether it was “shallow” to only date women you find attractive. Since I don’t find grossly overweight women physically attracrtive, I’ve never wanted to date them. It’s not because I don’t want to be seen with a fat women.
Barry