So before you all answer yes…please read on. I like to think I’m a nice guy. I’m not particularly good looking but have a good personality and if I have any fault it’s probably that I tend to put other people before myself (You’ll have to trust me on this!).
I’ve been separated from my wife for 2 years and 6 months ago started dating a woman whom I’ve know for about a year now. She is in the same situation as me having come out of a long relationship and that’s how we were introduced to each other. So we started seeing quite a lot of each other and things were going great.
She went away on vacation and things changed when she came back. We had a talk one night and she said that she was worried about rushing too fast and making the same mistakes as before. I asked if she wanted to break up and she said she didn’t know. All she knew was that we should cool things off a bit. Now, you’ve got to understand that I’m besotted with this girl. I don’t want to go on about soul mates but for the first time I thought I’d found “the one”.
My question for you is this…am I an idiot to wait for this girl. She might not call me all week and then out of the blue she’ll call me up and I’ll go down to see her and everything is great…I’ll go home and then not hear from her for another week. I wait around just hoping she’ll call…I don’t go out anywhere. Since my wife and I split, I have no friends because I moved to this country with her from Britain and all my friends were hers. I don’t want to meet anyone because I only want this girl. Crazy I know. Any ideas? Am I an idiot? Do I sound a bit freaky? I’m not…I’m just confused why things changed and I have nobody to talk to about it.
No. You are not an idiot. Also, your situation is not that unusual, for men or women. I have been on both sides of that situation. Sounds to me like she is only a friend. It could lead to more, but I would not count on it. Or wait around either. Sure, if you have nothing else to do on a night, and she just happens to call, go for it. But do not keep nights open in hopes that she will want to spend time with you.
If you have already made plans, even if it is a date, and she calls, tell her so. You are not tied to her in any way. Plus, if she sees that you have other options, this will likely make you more appealling to her, as opposed to being desperate.
Don’t use another date just to make her jelous though. That is just tacky.
I went through a dry spell with women (years). I finally said to myself “screw it, I have friends to hang with.” Since then I have done way better with women. I am even pickier because it would take a special women for me to enjoy her company more than hanging with my buddies.
I hate that part of it - could turn out great; maybe not.
Now’s a good time to work on devoting time to your other interests (I mean intellectual pursuits, professional interests, hobbies, etc. - not necessarily cultivating new girlfriends).
Not a given. I’d say give it some time, and a rest. Go develop yourself while she ponders.
The problem of getting madly in love with another person, and moving to where they are, and centering your life around them so that nothing else has any meaning is that you’re now dependant on another for your happiness and fulfillment.
You need to review your current situation absent the girl.
Take her out of the picture. Pretend she completely does not exist. Now look at your life. Is this a life that fulfills you and makes you happy? If it’s not, you have a major problem.
Love as dependancy is for parents and children, not for adults.
You’re an indendant human being responsible for his own happiness, for his own life.
I would thing that if you fulfill those responsibilites to yourself you have a much better shot at a strong and lasting relationship with your girlfriend, and you’d certainly be better prepared if it didn’t work out.
Weary: I agree with Road Rash. Don’t obsess about her. Give her the space she needs and spend some time with some other people. If it works out with her, then all the better for you, but you will just stress yourself sick if you keep up like this.
Scylla: ROFLMAO! That was incredibly funny! You have officially made my day.
