I made a new FWB recently. We didn’t always have sex, but we’ve been hanging out regularly for several months, and have become pretty good friends. A month ago, a bunch of her Warcraft friends flew into town, including one who’s professed his “love”, which, as far as I know, she turned down.
For an entire month, she disappeared, and said that her new internet friend was “possessive”, whiny, and couldn’t stand a single second without her presence, but when he left we could hang out again. I got ditched for a month, for a friend. I’m a friend, and right now, my feelings are just a bit hurt. I even invited the both of them out several times.
Now he’s gone, and we’re supposed to go back to normal, but this is really one of those classic “not really into you” signs that says move on, future headaches guaranteed.
Do you think I should go with my gut here or just talk it out with her?
Isn’t the whole point of a FWB arrangement that neither party owes the other anything beyond occasional sex? She clearly chose to spend time with this person over you. If that bothers you a lot, consider not continuing to put yourself into the situation.
Personally, I could never do FWB because I would inevitably develop feelings.
My take on her - she wants friendship as well as sex without strings or obligations. If you want more on either front, you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak with her.
Sorry - if you’re doing anything other than bitching about the frequency of the B you’ve got no justification to complain.
Now, it’s perfectly possible that YOU feel that you and she are great friends who boink once and a while, but she may feel that you and she are people who boink once and a while who don’t hate each other - i.e. not great friends - just some dude she’s boinking.
Assuming you would like to keep boinking, you should chat with her. Assuming you would like to have an actual relationship, you should chat with her. Assuming you are deeply, madly in love with her, you should chat with her.
Really, if your feelings have her for deepened (and it sounds like they have), you’ll need to renegotiate the terms of your relationship.
So yah, you’re being dramatic, because she’s done nothing wrong according to the initial terms of your relationship; however, matters of the heart do tend to be dramatic so renegotiate if you’re still keen.
+1 for dramatic.
But that’s okay if that’s the direction you want to go. Doesn’t sound like she’s violated anything with you…you may need to explain that your feelings have changed.