I’m another female who’s totally unimpressed by babies. I don’t dislike them at all. They just bore me. At 20, I was told I’d change my mind by time I reached 30. At 30, I was told that I’d change my mind by age 35. I 40 now, and my mind hasn’t changed.
Some people may see this as fake, but I do praise and fuss over the babies of people that are important to me. Deep down, the baby is a bit boring to me, but I do like making my friends, family, and those I care about happy. And fussing over the baby does that.
Once the kids get to walking, talking, etc., then I find them fascinating. I love spending time with the toddlers I know. They never fail to make me laugh (and they laugh so easily themselves that it’s absolutely charming).
Not interested in kids, period. I told one of my friends back in high school my realization that I just wasn’t interested in having children. Here I am, mid-30s, and I’m still not interested. My husband thought he might want one child, and before we married I promised him I’d remain open-minded to the possibility. Turns out he’s the one who changed his mind.
I’m also unwilling to take the chance that my “aw, I love my baby” feelings won’t kick in if I did have a child. Everyone tells me, “It’s different when it’s yours,” but I’ve seen enough examples where it wasn’t. From a couple who treats their adorable toddler like just another must-have fashion accessory yet spend as much time away from her as possible, to a woman who didn’t want to be a mother, got pregnant, had the baby, and neglected the child to the point of strapping the 9-month-old into a car seat in the house so she wouldn’t try to crawl around and thus get into stuff/require active supervision. (The sister of the child’s father adopted the baby, who’s doing well barring some socialization/emotional issues - not to mention not wanting to say any word related to “mom” and fearing women with her bio-mom’s hair color.)
Children can be fine to relate to, but I don’t really like dealing with babies and very young toddlers. Don’t think they’re that cute, don’t like the smell at all, etc.
Gigi, yes, I meant when the baby is brought in. Talking about the baby should indeed be given the same amount of leeway as any other… er, hobby. Heh.
Sugar and spice, I am grateful for one thing – babies grow up. She will have her second soon, and that is all they are planning, so in five years or so I should be done having to deal with the little babies. When they’re a little older I’ll mind less.
Elret, for me it’s only when those pics are forced on me. On people’s desks I don’t mind families’ pictures.
I am one of those don’t have any pics of my family, though, and I don’t like when people ask me why I don’t – I just don’t really want to. But I do decorate my desk with personal things. I just think putting up a picture of my fiancee is just…not my style. Actually, my coworkers know very little about my home life or my fiance. I keep them strictly separate.
Frozen Fish Sticks, adoption is something I have faintly considered, too…for the same reasons. I was adopted and as some of you know, it was the family’s dirty secret and it gave me a lot of trauma.
olivesmarch4th, you are so welcome.
As for not having kids, I sat down one day and wrote down all of the reasons I didn’t want one. I came up with no less than nine separate reasons, each one individually defensible and able to stand on its own merit. When people ask me “Why not?” when told I don’t have kids, I usually answer, “There are more reasons than you have time in the day, and I’d rather be a loving aunt anyway” - which is true. I’m prepared to be part of the village, to an extent. I just don’t want to do it for the random baby!
Babies are a big meh to me. Some of them are cute and there’s a lot of cute things you can buy for them, but they’re also a big commitment and a big responsibility and entail big sacrifices. I can’t look at a baby and have my brain cells be overwhelmed by “OMG Cuuuuuute baaaaaaaaaby!!” like some people do. Yeah, they’re cute, but they’re so much more than that.
Kittens or puppies, on the other hand, can make me drop 60 IQ points in 3 seconds flat.
I was always the one who stayed at her desk while all the other women crowded around the new mum with the baby. I’m sure the baby was attractive to everyone else but I couldn’t see why.
And then I had my own.
And you know what? Other people’s babies are still not all that interesting. I never held a baby before my two were born and I have never held a baby since then.
I just never had much time for the baby talk and all that snookums stuff - it put me off having kids for ages until I worked out that all of that doesn’t need to be a part of it.
Kids and babies are perfectly fine without fussing over them all the time and treating them like imbeciles just makes the adult look silly.
I love my kids - we “bonded” (Og, I hate that word) from the moment they were born, but I’m glad that baby time is behind me now…
I’m thinking about doing this, assuming I find a like-minded fellow to help raise them. There are other reasons I’m not keen on reproducing, but I don’t like babies or toddlers. I like kids. I even like teenagers. But the under-three set holds little charm for me. I mean, they’re cute. I get that. I think they’re cute too, but I don’t want to touch them or be responsible for them until they can hold a conversation.
Before having children I theorized that I might do really well with them, if I could get someone else to raise them until they were about six.
In actual fact, I adored my children and got this hormonal thing where their shit didn’t stink and I didn’t even throw up when they did, necessarily. I did learn that parents generally really like their children, and this has affected my dealings with children-attached-to-parents in probably a good way (I try not to shudder and cringe, of course they are adorable, etc. etc., if I like their parents).
But my earlier distaste for children, particularly young, icky, nose-running toddler types, made me realize that not everyone was necessarily going to love MY children, so I pretty much kept them away from people who didn’t like children or people who I didn’t know whether they liked children or not.
With my grandchildren, however, I’m back to normal. They are just children. Of course they are cuter and smarter than the average child, but they are not as cute or as smart as MY children (even though one of my children is the parent), and I’m not changing their diapers except in cases of dire emergency.
I know. I’m a bad, bad grandma. Oh well. Fortunately they have other, better grandmas.
Babies = boring and uninteresting. At least now I am aged 46 people have long since given up on that condescending crap about “you will change your mind when you get older”.
I concur with most of the posts here. Babies are boring at best. At worst, they smell bad, spit up on you, and emit cries that jangle your nerves and hurt your eardrums.
I have one son, and of course I loved him ferociously as a baby (thank you, Mother Nature). But even with my own offspring, as I was caring for an infant I was gritting my teeth and thinking “hang on and get through this; someday, he won’t be a baby anymore.” Now that my son is old enough to have a sick sense of humor, appreciate The Simpsons and read science fiction, I find him much easier to be around.
People who put pressure on other people to have children are vile and thoughtless. And the oft-made claim that being a parent will make you a better person (less selfish, more empathetic) is absurd. If that were really true, the world supply of assholes would be far smaller than it is, since statistically speaking, most total jerks are parents.
I’ve been sure I didn’t want kids since I was 19. When Mr. SCL and I married, I made sure he understood there would be no kids.
I have always been so frustrated by that “you’d love one if it was yours” line of bullshit. Oh, is that so? What about the women who abuse their children? What about the women who let their next lover abuse their children? Where do these people fit into your nice neat little worldview?
I don’t like babies or toddlers. My maternal instinct is warped; if I hear a baby crying, I run in the opposite direction. Someone else can find out what the problem is. But if I hear a kitten crying, I have to find out what is wrong and see if I can fix it.
BTW, I’m 46. No signs of changing my mind. I would love to find the stupid doctor who refused to tie my tubes when I was 19 and slap him about a bit with a frozen trout.
If I were a doctor, I wouldn’t tie your tubes either at the age of nineteen. Maybe at twenty-one. Just because you were completely settled on what you wanted at nineteen doesn’t mean that most women are.
I do think that it’s good that women show their honest feelings (hey, within reason) and not live out a stereotype of what is expected. We feel better about ourselves and so do other women.
They next time you hear someone say, “You’ll change your mind,” why not ask them how they could possibly know that? After all, they are just saying that out of habit. They’ve heard it said and they probably think it’s true whether there is any evidence to show for it or not. Get them to think about what they are really saying.
I’m skeptical. Cite please for those biological mechanisms that ensure maternal bonding. That would mean that a newborn would be able to bond with its biological mother in a way that it could not bond with its adoptive mother. I’m just not sure that that’s backed up with science. I don’t mind being proven wrong.
Look into hormones and breast-feeding. That’s one way - breastfeeding gives a woman a little “high” from the hormones that are released. (oxytocin? oxycontin? Oxyclean? something).
I also think, based on my own experience, that there are other “maternal hormones” that kick in for the first 2 years or so. Like, after my kids were born, I felt physically ill whenever I heard someone else’s baby cry in public - I wanted to comfort it immediately. I no longer react that way (and didn’t beforehand)
Another factor that facilitates bonding is sleep deprivation. It’s a form of torture. Really! I’m sure about this one - moms (usually it’s the mom) are subjected to extreme sleep deprivation by newborns much in the same way hostages sometimes are. One of the results is an emotional attachment to the “captor” (in this case, the baby).
I’ve heard that adopted kids sometimes (not always, but sometimes) DO have a harder time bonding with their mothers, and that they are statistically more likely to be abused/neglected. I don’t know if that’s factually true re: rates of abuse, but I did read it.
It also seems to me that babysitting boyfriends are more likely to lose it on a newborn than the mom. And that babies around age 2 (when those hormones die down & breastfeeding typically ends) are more likely to be abused through excessive discipline. Those are just my impressions, based on headlines. I’m not gonna go research it, though. Last time I tried to dig up some facts on child abuse I wound up depressed as hell.
I don’t feel the need to get up and go ga-ga over babies. They’re all right, but I can do without them. If I had wanted any, I would have had them long ago.
I don’t get people who think everyone has to feel the same way they do about the offspring.
And I REALLY don’t get people who find it necessary to inflict baby pics, baby video, and baby talk upon others who may not be the slightest bit interested. My mom quit going to her computer class at a senior center because the teacher monopolized class time with talk of, and then pics of, her daughter giving birth to the grandchild.
Well, if breastfeeding releases hormones that relax me, I’m still waiting–and my youngest is 9 years old now. BF did make me slow down and sit–which helped my energy level, but there was no great feeling of peace. I never got a runner’s high when I ran either. Maybe it’s me.
There probably is some kind of hardwiring or chemical response that enhances parenting–why wouldn’t there be?
As for kids crying in stores–it still distresses me to the point where I leave the store (not often, but I still feel the need to get away from the sound–I would stop the baby from crying, but I’m not allowed to do so given the rules of society, so I choose to leave. Cripes, that sounds like I would “silence” the baby forever, but that’s not what I meant!).
Not trying to obstreperous, just adding my 2 cents.
I tend to coo over SLEEPING babies. Most newborns are hideous to me, but I don’t share that with the proud parent/grandparent/aunt/uncle.
I love how everyone else knows so much better than you how to run your life.
And don’t even get me started to finding a dr. to do a tubal.
I’ve come to the conclusion that it’ll never end, now that geriatrics are spawning kids younger than their grandkids. I used to think that once I got a bit long in tooth (ovaries?) the crap would stop, but apparently even hitting menopause still means “you’ll change your mind.”
With my in-laws, I usaually just promise to pull an Andrea Yates on any “fruit of my loins,” and that usually shuts them up while they back away slowly.
I’m late to the thread, but I wanted to add my comment to the growing list.
I don’t like babies. At all. They don’t do anything interesting, I don’t think they’re cute, and I certainly don’t want to have anything to do with them (holding them, cooing over them, etc.) I also have no interest in talking about their various needs, activities, and effluvia. I pretty much feel the same way about small children, too. Once they get to be about seven they’re all right, but before that, keep them away from me. I particularly dislike toddlers–mobile little carriers of germs and bringers of chaos and loud noises. I’m never rude about it–I just try my best to avoid situations where babies or toddlers are the featured topics of discussion or interest.
I’ve known since I was a tiny kid (probably around 3-5) that I didn’t want any kids of my own, and I’ve never wavered in that resolve (I’m 42 now). Funny thing is, nobody has really given me any trouble about it. I guess I project the “wouldn’t be good with kids” vibe pretty strongly.
Sure seems like we’ve got a lot of non-baby people around here. It’s refreshing.
I do completely lose it over kittens, though. I am gaga over kittens, and will walk up to total strangers (me, a raving introvert) and speak to them if they are carrying a kitten.
Then again, me being a guy might also have something to do with my revulsion to the little DNA packets…
i know that the assumption is that women are “supposed” to like babies/kids, it’s refreshing to hear from women who don’t care for the little “ugly bags of mostly water”
