What if the way you live your life is to plan things out to some extent? Some people are less impulsive then others.
Well, nothing usually does come of crushes. Crushes are often (not always, of course) based on things that aren’t the foundation for a lasting relationship. They’re often based on a person’s looks, or a person’s position of power, or something else other than the person’s person.
As for those who insist you go offline, I met my husband online. The people you meet online are real people, not figments of anyone’s imagination. (I get really annoyed when people act like online isn’t “real life.” It’s just as real as anything else.)
Julie
Guin,
Get liquored up first.
Or you DON’T need to get liquored up beforehand. Your choice, not everyone (you & people you may meet) want to always need to drink to have fun or before they go out somewhere.
Guin, I’m in pretty much your shoes as well, I think. Except it’s been your (a), or
(b) Two much distance (ie Canada & Grenada)
or
(c) I didn’t notice she was interested, even though I was very interested in her :smack:
I’ve had one girlfriend, but I couldn’t get up the gumption to kiss her even; afraid of something I think.
I think what I’m trying to say is it happens to a lot of people out there. Just go out there, meet people, and let things happen! Maybe try not too hard to think about how it’s going to end up. Live for the journey, not just the destination, maybe. Or maybe avoid spouting clichés. 
Good luck, and have a good weekend!
Dearest Guin
You need to learn that you are not in control ever. If you are sitting in your house all safe and alone you are still not in control. Once you realize that control is not yours to lose, giving it up is much easier.
Another way to look at it is that you want a boyfriend but you can not controll your fear so you are not in control, your fear is in control.
Maybe we should arrange a marriage for you?
On a practical note, dating in groups is a good idea. Being in a large mixed crowd is a good way to get to know people in a controlled environment and then start going out in smaller and smaller groups till you get down to a group with just two people.
I used to be terribly shy but one day I decided I’d had enough. The worst possible thing with putting yourself out on a limb is rejection and I’ve had plenty of that. The fact of the matter is you will experience rejection regardless of your actions. By not allowing others to know you, you are essentially rejecting yourself.
Rejection from others doesn’t come close to the pain of self-rejection. Relax, know your strengths and take baby steps to enter the social world!
On a side note - I started with elevators. People are always awkwardly silent in elevators so I thought it would be interesting to see how they reacted when a random person took interest. Some thought I was crazy but the point is I didn’t know them - they weren’t a threat.
Also, I could not drink all through college due to medication. It doesn’t matter. Believe me once you have managed to hang with a bunch of drunk people and have a good time you realize how beneficial it can be - you remember all the embarrassing stories.
If you can post about being shy, you aren’t all that shy Guinastasia…
Best thing to mull over is how your folks or your main guardians related. Was your family happy together?
One day you’ll find someone. I meet a lot of very shy women & I come on like a bulldozer with them & it’s pretty successful
So Guin, how you doin’?
[sub]Oh, right, you just described how you were doin’ at great length. Carry on, then.[/sub]
I don’t agree with that in the slightest. Being open on a message board and then in real life are two very different things.
I’m also seeing a lot of, “Hey, your scared! You’re perfectly normal!”. That is some BS. For most people, getting the jitters around someone they like is very likely, but soon they get over it and are on there merry way. For shy folks like us, the jitters are there, but they DO NOT go away. Too many people these days are throwing around the word ‘shy’ like it’s riddelin in 1999. Her problem seems very similar to mine in which we’re basically scared to form new relationships. For me, just getting to be friends with someone takes some time. Time, as is like a few weeks before I’ll speak one word to someone after being around them for awhile. Ya see kids, I’m am not normal. There is something seriously wrong with me. But around my normal friends, you’d NEVER think that I was shy, because I know them well and am not shy around them at all. But bring someone else into the equation, a new friend, a possible girlfriend, and I bury my self in to a social hole, until it’s safe to come out. I’m not saying that Guinastasia is f*cked up, but come on girl, you KNOW when things ain’t goin’ right. Atleast admit that to yourself. I’ve yet to seek any kind of help for my issues, basically ‘cuz I don’t want to be put on Paxil or some kind of Prozac. I refuse to be a freakin’ zombie, I like me and I don’t want any pharmaceutical changes in my life, I’ll stick with the weed and alcohol (don’t worry, I’m not an abuser, but it could happen down the road if I don’t seek help soon). I think the best thing for me would be to seek a social worker type, or a social group that helps those with behavioral problems.
I’m 22, male, and never been kissed. 
Earlier you said that there is nothing wrong with you. I believe in an earlier thread you stated that you were around 25/27 years of age. If you have never had any kind of relationship, never been kissed or had sex. Or if you’ve only done this stuff like once in your life, then there is something wrong with you. You’re in denial. You have to be honest with yourself before things will work out. Then again, I should take my own advice.
Now, don’t get me wrong. If you’re the type of person who doesn’t need this kind of affection, then there probably isn’t anything wrong with you, that’s just how you are. But like me, there is a void in my life, that until it is fulfilled, will keep me from having piece of mind, hence something is wrong with me. I mean, how many 22 year old virgins do you know?
Also, I’m constantly seeing and recieving advice that basically says to “Get out there and try!” attitude. This doesn’t work for shy people. I mean really, what DO I say on a date? I get tongue tied pretty quickly around people I don’t know. And it’s really bad around people I like.
Another thing I’m curious about. Ladies, what do you think about us guys that are 21+ that are virgins? The day that a potential girlfriend finds out that I’m a virgin, really scares me. I loathe that day. I’ll be a stuttering john when that comes up. Would you outright discount me because of that?
No.
“Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket–safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ParentalAdvisory *
**I mean, how many 22 year old virgins do you know?
[quote]
I’ve known several. I even dated one (after he was no longe r a virgin, but not very long after; I think I was his 2nd serious girlfriend, and he was almost 26 when we started dating).
Not because you were a virgin, by any means. To me, a guy who has waited means that he’s a guy who considers sex too important to undertake lightly. What would be more of a turnoff would be a guy who was completely paralyzed by any kind of social interaction. Can you have a platonic conversation with a woman without freaking out? Can you show affection, even non-pysical afection, toward people you’re attracted to? Those things are more likely to be dealbreakers.
My advice on dating is internet all the way. When I was in my early 30’s, I decided I had had enough of being single, and I also figured that my man wasn’t about to come knocking on my door while I sat at home waiting for him. I looked at it like any other project in my life; I figured out what I wanted, and what I would have to do to get it, and started doing what I needed to do to get there. I got online, I put up my profile on a few sites, and started chatting with people online and meeting a few when they seemed like likely prospects.
I called it “concentrated dating” - I learned how to go on dates (which I had never known how to do - dating really is a skill like any other, and can be learned), I learned how to make small talk with someone I had just met (ask questions of the other person - show interest in other people, and the conversations just flow from there), and I learned that you can be rejected by a lot of people and you can get used to it and not take it personally.
I met my husband over the net; my sister met her boyfriend of 6 years over phone dating. I would recommend it to anyone who, like me, just got tired of being alone.
(Oh, as for the 22 yo virgin guy - no big deal to me. At least you wouldn’t have any chance of having STDs. :D)
Yes, I can do all those things. But it takes time for me. And I don’t think a lot of women are willing to wait for me to break out of my shell.
And you’re right featherlou. We are S-T-D free! 
Safe sex for all!
The answer is obvious. You have a thing for the Romanovs. You need a man who has a thing for Rasputin.
Zo, mishka, how doink?
No counselor is going to hold you down and force medication down your throat. Don’t let that stop you! With that said, nether of those medications make you a zombie AFAIK. (I’ve taken prozac for fourteen years.)
Your situation may be more all-encompassing than Guin’s. Either way, if you can’t take the first steps for yourself, who will? Counselling would be a good start in extreme situations.
It’s good to be able to have that choice between security and freedom. Security won’t get you as many memories to relish when you are old.
[hijack for Guin] I’m a Romanoff buff too![/hijack]
How could I have missed this? You are obviously in need of some educatin’, my friend. I have been on anti-depressants for the last 14 years because of my anxiety disorder (combined with depressive tendencies), and they have given me the ability to be normal. I have almost zero side effects.
Let me try to describe it for you; without Serzone, I worry and fret and agonize over things and work myself up into full blown panic attacks. When I say I worry, I don’t mean “got something on your mind” worrying, I mean non-stop, literally can’t think about anything else worrying. Obsessing would be a good description. With Serzone, I still worry, but it doesn’t take over my entire life.
It’s like trying to live your life with a hurricane blowing in your head; the anti-depressants turn the hurricane noise down to background static so I can get on with the rest of my life.
As for alcohol and weed, both are not good ideas for people dealing with mental health issues. Alcohol is a depressant, and weed screws with your brain chemistry, something I definitely do not need messed with (anxiety/depressive disorders are a result of screwy-louie neurotransmitter levels in the brain).
And finally, one of the side effects of my anxiety disorder is that it makes me not want to go to the doctor and get help for it. I don’t know why that is, but I really have to force myself to get to the doctor when I’m feeling bad. Perhaps you’re experiencing the same reluctance. Go for a social group, sure, but don’t discount drugs out of hand. They have a purpose that your doctor will be able to discuss at length with you to see if they’re right for you.
{/mental health hijack}
Um, Parental Advisory, I am on Paxil, and I am most certainly NOT a “drugged up freak.”
I just thought I’d say that, I can relate. I am desperately shy, and am not charismatic nor socially adept, and I expect I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. I actually have come to enjoy being alone, so a change would probably be kind of upsetting and mess things up a bit.
But I’ve always liked you, Guin. Your posts are always worth checking out, I have a pretty good picture in my mind of the person you are and you have always fascinated, interested, and appealed to me. Sure you can be outspoken and maybe a bit ‘too much’ at time, but so can I. I think you have great qualities, that to me have always been evident.
I think you’ll find someone, or rather they’ll find you, and things will work out. I suspect you’re much more likely to be successful in relationships than I ever will.
Plus, you’re cute.
Oh! AND you’re a Star Wars fan - I have stories from the sets of the prequels that you’d probably love!