I don’t think you are wrong at all. I’ve had passing thoughts about this with my son ( and he’s still a baby!) that “what if?” And I wouldn’t care except for the reasons that you have given (i.e. that some people will give them a hard time just for that fact).
You are a good person, and I wish you and him the best of luck.
I can’t tell you all how relieved I am to know that the (slight) reservations I’ve been feeling are okay, maybe even normal. You (the collective “you”) nailed it - the feelings are caused by love, not hate or disgust - but then again, I know all of the horrible attitudes and actions that have occurred in the name of “love”, so I didn’t think that gave me a free pass.
My brother’s got a harder road to travel, is all. But if the tradeoff to an elevated risk of hardship is a greater chance at happiness, then how can I be against that? I can’t, of course, and I’m not.
And, while I of course greatly appreciate all of the kind sentiments you have given, I think that it’s the perfect example of the sad state of the world as regarding homosexuality. Sure, I love that you think that I’m a good sister (and he’s a good brother 
) - but I haven’t done anything other than accept the sexual preferences of a loved one. I mean, shouldn’t that be standard, as opposed to “good”?
Anyway, thanks - a million thanks - to you all. I will point my bro in the direction of these boards - I think he might find them helpful.
“I will point my bro in the direction of these boards - I think he might find them helpful.”
Yay:) We can always use more soldiers in the fight against Ignorance.
Deborak,
I don’t think what you said was at all offensive. I am gay and let me tell you, sometimes, it is a right royal pain in the ass. I think many people feel the way you do. Sometimes, I even wish I wasn’t gay. But then I ask myself why - and it is for the exact reasons you stated. So instead, I wish that society was more opened minded and didn’t treat homosexuals as differently as heterosexuals.
So when you say that you wish your brother wasn’t gay - I understand. Because I know that what you really wish is that society did not care that he was gay. It can be a rough road - but your brother is blessed beyond belief to have a sibling to confide in and trust and be open with. My sister knows I am gay because I told her once, years and years ago. We have never mentioned it since and I am forced to deal with the fact that no matter how close we are, my friends will always know me better, to some extent, than my own family.
I wish you the best and feel free to e-mail if you need support. Oh! And welcome to the boards.
Tibs.
Deborak, you’re thinking what you’re thinking for the right reasons. There’s a huge distinction between “I wish you weren’t gay – because the world is cruel to gay people and I don’t want to see you hurt” and “I wish you weren’t gay – because I hate homosexuality”. One is a message of love, the other of hate. You’re looking out for your brother, and it’s not wrong to be worried for his safety and security. As long as you still support him, fearing the worst and worrying are very, very normal for loving families.
If it makes you feel any better, here’s one heterosexual person who has no problem with gays. Some of the best guy friends are gay guys, and I happen to have a really good friend who is bisexual. So long as she’s not hitting on me, I have no problem with it. A person’s sexual preferences are their own, and should not be open to critizism. So just know that not everyone out there is an obnoxious, bigoted ass…there are some who won’t think any differenly of a person based on their sexual orientation.
Its not cowardly. You’re just trying to save someone you love a hard life. And I think it was very considerate to think that.
But if this makes him happy, then, dangers and all, I think you should support him wholeheartedly.
I knwo what depression is all about… I know how hard it is to run away from something thats true… If hes anything like me, he should be a whole lot happier now.
I wish him luck.
deborak,
Something to keep in mind if you’re helping your brother during the coming-out process is that just because he’s gay, it doesn’t mean he automatically knows everything about being gay. He’s probably in the same boat you are when it comes to knowing what being gay is like. It might help to point him to the Ask The Gay Guy threads; they’re like an FAQ for homosexuality.
For the first two years after I came out, I received big manila folders full of clippings about how to avoid getting AIDS from my mom every couple of months; she worked in a hospital, and was really worried about me. Of course, at the time I hadn’t even had sex with a guy as of yet, so it was more amusing than anything. But I took it as a sign that she was concerned for my wellbeing, and that it was her way of telling me that she cared.
Oh, God yes. One of the most difficult things with figuring out I was bi was the question of if I was as attracted to men as I am to women (answer: no). It took a while to figure out that I didn’t have to be.
There’s a lot of stuff we take for granted on this board as stuff that everyone knows … and the truth is that there’s a lot of people regardless of sexuality who don’t know it … stuff about sex and stuff not at all related. Especially, for the former, given how hush-hush so much of this society still is when it comes to sexuality and related matters.
Best of luck, and bring him over here:)
Patrick
Especially if they’re cute gay/bi soldiers-against-ignorance. Makes the Dopefests so much more interesting… 
[sub]warn your brother to wear a backbrace the first time he meets 'punha, though…the initial hug can be a little much…[/sub]
fixed damn coding. . .
Damn coding…
I don’t feel you’re wrong for feeling—we as humans feel things. You may choose to speak out of turn, say something hurtful, act in an inappropriate manner and then you would be wrong, but not for feeling. Feelings are not actions. IMHO, you’re all right.
When my flatmate at uni came out I was over the moon.
Quite apart from the fact that at that time it felt like a cool status thing to have a gay flatmate(!) it meant we could go manhunting together. Which we did. Fortunately we had very different tastes.
It also meant we got to listen to Pet Shop Boys together and I got to read his Men’s Health - the only UK men’s mag at that with a sexy male cover pic.
I did feel bad for him in as far as he was from a fairly devout Catholic family, and I knew they would get hurt (as they did) by the revelation and find it hard to deal with.
iampunha gives good hug? How come I haven’t met him yet? 
Esprix
I’ll just add to the chorus.
There is no need to share your concerns about how hard it is to be gay. He knows.
Just be there for him. Coming out is not easy. But, imho, besides meeting other gay people, the most important factor in making life a little easier for a gay man or woman who has just come out is to have the family’s support.
You sound like a hella good person. Don’t be hard on yourself.
I’m just ducking back in for a moment to say thanks again to you all. Y’all rock.
Bro and I are meeting for dinner Wednesday. I will touch on this - not to whine about how scared I am, but just to ask if it worries him, and if so, whether he has an outlet to work through all of this.
I hear what some of you are saying about burdening him and how my fears could get real old real fast. And, really, I don’t want his total identity all of a sudden to be My Brother the Gay Man, you know? By that, I mean that I don’t want his homosexuality to be the only thing we talk about anymore. It has a definite place in our life now, and won’t ever be a topic that is ignored or tiptoed around - but neither will it be the sole focus in our relationship. We have to have time to fight over politics too, ya know!
He’s your brother - why not share your concerns?
As in: “I’m worried about you facing prejudice, but please don’t hide it from me - I’ll be there to support you every step of the way (and kick the homophobic fukkas’ asses)”
He may want to know he can use you as a sounding board for any problems he has. ie - you don’t want him to bottle it up because he’s scared of burdening you.