Ten years ago, I met a girl. Passions flared, promises were made, and cheap trinkets were exchanged. But circumstances conspired to part us such that we have remained in contact, but barely.
Initially I carried a torch for this girl, and made quite the fool of myself. Hey, everybody’s gotta have a hobby. But where I was crystal clear in my pursuit, she was suddenly distant. But never was there anything definite, no “Leave me alone!” or “Let’s get together.” No, I was left with little feedback and simply had to go with my interpretation of events.
I interpreted events as “She’s moved on.” But I may have been wrong. See, there have been many odd statements over the years. Like the time she blurted out, totally inappropriately, “I love you.” Or the time I made a flip comment about her being unlucky and she replied “I’ve been unlucky for the last few years, haven’t I?” Those being the years we’d been apart.
And then the earring - I mean, what the hell is “She doesn’t need it anymore” supposed to mean anyway? It’d already been 8 or 9 years at that point. I thought she’d moved on. How the hell was I supposed to know?
And maybe I’m wrong. Maybe there was nothing to know and I’m just deluding myself into seeing something that isn’t there. But no one sends back an 8-year-old cheap piece of Spencers Gifts jewelry for anything other than the symbolism. I may not be objective, but I’m not stupid.
I tried openness and honesty, and it got me no where. So here I sit, ten years after the fact, still agonizing. We’ve both build comfortable, middle-class lives for ourselves. But somewhere within my primordial lizard-brain (no Icke references, please) a faint ember of that passion still burns.
I still wonder if she feels the same. I suppose I’ll never know.
What a :wally