It’s Idol Gives Back Week, and word has it that the newest musical mentor and coach to the remaining finalists is U2’s own Bono. I don’t think he’ll be performing–he never does anything solo–but he will have tutored the contestants.
On Wednesday night, expect a plethora of guests to show up and drag out the suspense until someone else is sent home.
We’ll have the television turned on tomorrow evening, but with the sound off. We’ll be able to see when elimination-related activities are taking place, and get Michaela’s homework done at the same time!
I had a sick feeling in my stomach when I read that the theme is songs of compassion and hope ::vomit::. But if Bono is there to mentor, at least that could be interesting.
Since he doesn’t do solos, maybe he’s one of the two in the surprise pair for tomorrow night.
I happened to be up way past my bedtime last night and saw Sanjaya on Letterman. He did the top 10 list. When I saw him, I puked in my heart a little just for you, Liberal. 
NOT looking forward to Bono. I hate Bono.
So what songs can we expect?
Chris croons “I Believe I Can Fly”
Jordin “I Hope You Dance”
Melinda perhaps something by Kirk Franklin
Blake
Phil
Lakisha “That’s What Friends Are For”
I once heard Michael Stipe tell the following joke:
Sting dies and goes to heaven. When he gets to the gate, St. Peter welcomes him and tells him since he’s a rock star he has to go to Rock Star Heaven and offers to escort him there. In an instant, Sting and St. Peter are standing in the middle of Rock Star Heaven. Sting is star struck by all the recognizable faces. he sees Jimi Hendrix jamming with John Bonham and Bon Scott. He sees Elvis talking to Jim Morrison. He sees Janis laughing it up with Jerry Garcia. Sting is amazed, taking it all in.
Then a little bit off in the distance, he sees Bono standing beside a Marshall Stack, wearing sunglasses, looking cool.
Sting says to St. Peter, “I didn’t know Bono was dead.”
St. Peter says, “That’s not Bono, that’s Jesus. He just likes to pretend he’s Bono.”
I actually like Bono a lot. The theme sounds cringe inducing but Bono’s one of the very few rock stars who has the ability to talk about compassion and social conscience with any credibility at all.
I expect a Celine Dion/Faith Hill/R. Kelly glurge-fest, with maybe a single good song, sung by by one my least favorites.
C’mon Phil or LaKisha, you know you want to sing Wonderul World, just for me.
This is really going to be awful. I hate hate HATE sentimental glurgy songs with a white-hot passion. It’s going to be painful, but who am I kidding–I’ll be watching anyway.
I can’t think of a single good song.
Is there a Bad Theme contest going on or something? We’re really going to have to outsnark ourselves this week to counteract the saccharine.
Maybe they could sing these songs with nonsense lyrics instead of the actual words…
Thanks for getting my back. 
…which, of course, forced me to go look it up:
Top Ten Things I Learned From “American Idol” - by Sanjaya Malakar[spoiler]
10. The camera adds ten pounds to your mohawk
9. Work hard and make sacrifices, you can finish in 7th place
8. It’s very important to “keep it real, dawg.”
7. I should have gone for the Immunity Idol – oh wait, that’s “Survivor”
6. On camera Simon is a bit nasty, but off-camera, he’s a total jerk
5. Voting for yourself 100 times an hour causes some wicked carpal tunnel
4. When you forget the words, just do this (Sanjaya belts out, “OHHHHHHH”)
3. Honestly, I thought I was auditioning for “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?”
2. Nothing
- America loves performers with bad hair – right, Dave?[/spoiler]
I’ll just have to get my snark on, then…
As for Bono, I rather like the guy. Ego bigger than Dalymount Park, but with the talent and creativity to back it up. He’s a bullshitter, but he knows he’s a bullshitter, and puts his bullshitting to good use. His work on AIDS awareness and third-world debt forgiveness should get him into Rock Star Heaven, IMHO. (Loved the joke, Diogenes!)
And just to add a reaaaallly bad joke:
Bono, the lead singer of the band U2 is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.
While playing a U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, Bono asked the audience for total silence, and to light the small candle each concert goer was given at the gate.
In that outdoor venue, illuminated by the soft, gentle and flickering light of tens of thousands small candles and in total silence, Bono slowly started to clap his hands.
Every few seconds, Bono would clap his hands.
As the large audience listened in total silence, Bono put his lips to the microphone and whispered breathlessly: “Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.”
From the silence, emerged a strong and steady, if somewhat somewhat tipsy voice, with a broad Scottish accent that bellowed:
“Well then, fookin’ quit clappin’ your hands, you bleedin’ idiot!”
FTR, I have no quarrels with Bono; have seen U2 several times; own all of their records. Anyway.
Chris is sucking. He’s suuuuuuucking. This is probably the worst he’s ever sung. It’s like there’s something wrong with his voice. It’s cracking all over the place. It’s out of key. it sounds like ass.
I know I’m a bad person for saying this, but … I kind of don’t want to see where the money is going to go. Don’t want to see it. Just … get on with singing “We Are The World” and spare me the details, you know? I’m glad Idol is giving back, and I’m going to do my part to get to 50 million votes so that the full $5mil can be donated, but … this is supposed to be a trashy “reality” show, you know? Why are they interrupting my entertainment with actual, you know, reality?
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnyway: this is not a bad choice of songs for Chris. It’s just his kind of earnest. (I didn’t say the singing was good, just the song choice. Please don’t throw those tomatoes.)
I don’t understand why the judges always lie through their teeth about Chris. That was horrible. They were wrong.
The snark wind is out of my sails after seeing that intro. I have to steel myself by thinking that five million is a drop in the bucket compared to the total advertising budget of those corps…
Anyhow, Chris: That was a blah performance. Competent, but blah. And am I wrong, or is he imitating Blake? Same little dance moves, same rhythmic vocal tics, but with less spark…He’s like Blake Lite tonight.
OK, am I the only one who doesn’t find “Change the World” to be a very inspirational song? Seriously, did anyone listen to the lyrics, or did they just look at the title? It’s about a guy who, if given the power to change the world, announces that he would use his power to make some chick (or guy, I guess) love him. Too bad for you, Simon and Ryan’s malarial kids in Africa. Am I missing something?
ETA: And “Waiting on the World to Change”? Gah! I think that song is the anti-anthem. We’re not lazy, we’re just waiting for it to be easier to do stuff.