An open letter to the abortion who objects to the Darwins on my car

The BBQ Pit
#1

Okay, listen up, fuckles:

I’m an atheist. SO FUCKING WHAT.

I choose to display “Darwin” fish emblems on my vehicle. SO FUCKING WHAT.

I’ve been riding my bike to work lately. Microbug’s been driving my truck. You must have been passing by my house, and felt the need to express your solidarity with your Christian brothers by ripping the Darwin fish off of her car and snapping it in half. I guess your God’s gonna look kindly on that, eh?

Today I decided to drive to work. When I got home, I realized that yesterday you yet again felt the need to express your piousness- by removing the Darwin AND MY DIFFICULT TO FIND “SCIENCE” FISH! You so kindly left them, snapped in half, in my driveway, as a message, I guess.

Feel my fucking rage, dickless!

I WILL find out who you are. I WILL have my revenge. Maybe a big ol’ DARWIN written into your lawn with weedkiller will get the message across.

You came onto MY property, fucked with MY vehicle, to express YOUR derision for my choice of belief. I haven’t done a fucking thing to you OR your magical sky pixie. I personally don’t care what the fuck your personal delusion is- live and let live, I say. What’s next? You gonna to burn my house down, 'cause I sleep in on Sundays? Going to lie in wait so you can beat down the godless heathen, for having the temerity to not believe in YOUR particular brand of superstition? It’s a good thing atheists don’t have churches, eh? I mean, if ever there was a good carbomb target, huh?

Did you really think that I’d see those broken plastic fish and decide, “Hey, maybe I SHOULD get religion- obviously, anyone who believes as strongly as the guy who did this MUST be right!”

Might don’t make right, asshole. But just in case you don’t get that message, let me spell it out for you:

I’m going right out tomorrow morning to buy some more Darwins. I get paid tomorrow. I will put one on EVERY FUCKING DAY that you break 'em off. And one time, you’ll be careless. I’ll catch your ass. Then maybe I’ll show you some “Christian” charity… by shoving everyone of those broken fish up your goat felching ass!

#2

First of all, what a dumbasss.

Save all your broken little fishies.

When you do catch the perp, call the police. Give them the broken little fishes.

File charges. Trespassing, Vandalism, whatever is an option.

#3

Instead of the ol’ WWJD I’m seriously going to market my new mantra:

WNAT

We’re Not All Like That

What a fucking idiot. As if we don’t have bigger problems in the world than bumper decorations.

#4

Sorry, but the “magical sky pixie” has tickled my funnybone!

giggles

But the person is STILL an ass.

#5

What a dirtbag.

Can you borrow/rent a video camera to catch this dumbass in the act? Seems worth the effort.

#6

Videotape. You want this assmunch, call around to security firms, get one to rent you a 24 hour VHS recording deck. Set up the camcorder, replace the Fish, leave the car where the camcorder is zoomed in on the back of the car, AND the street.

Catch the perp on tape. DUPE the tape immediately, so when the cops take it, you will still have a copy of it. Call the cops.

End of deal :slight_smile:

Cartooniverse

#7

Not to nitpick or anything, but I don’t think an ass can even be a felcher. Felch-ee, sure, I’ll buy that, but your description sounds like each end of a straw stuck in separate asses, one being a goat’s. And that would just take a great deal of muscle control to pull off.
[sub]Forgive me – it’s the cold medicine typing[/sub]

#8

Oh, and you might not want to mention the term “magical sky pixie” to the cops, either.

Band name!

#9

I just like the image of an actual abortion exerting enough energy (and form of state) to get up from its puddle of bloody goo and noticeably object to a plastic Darwin.

Would it do so in a televised news conference? Would it object as loudly as possible with a bullhorn? And if so, how would it hold the damn thing?

Pesky abortions… :slight_smile:

#10

you can see why some of us are against them…they’re vandals!

#11

Wow. That’s messed up. No one should be damaging your property for their beliefs.

I love the magical sky pixie idea…

#12

Not to be too, too picky, but there should probably be an ‘L’ somewhere in that acronym. Heat of the moment and all that, right?

But yeah, the freak who’s vandalizing cars deserves to be punished to the full extent of the law. Religious issues or not, it’s just not cool to fuck with other people’s property.

Catch him on videotape, and hope the area you live isn’t so socially retarded that the police won’t care.

#13

Lightnin’, maybe razor-edged Darwin fish would solve your problems. They might still get ripped off, but only once.

(And for the humour-impaired, that is a JOKE.)

#14

I had a license plate frame that said “my other ride is your mama” til some ass broke it off.

I feel your rage, and I agree with the camera/police thing. few things will ruind this assholes day like his church seeing him arrested for destruction of property and all that.

and people wonder why christans/catholics/mormans/insertfavoritereligeousgroupwithafwefanaticalmembershere piss me off.

#15

I had a similar situation back during the Presidential campaign. Apparently one of my neighbors didn’t like it that I had a sign for the guy he didn’t like. He kept stealing my sign. It infuriated me.

So I went down to the campaign headquarters and asked for a buttload of signs and stored them in my garage. Every time the perp took down a sign, I put up 2 to replace it. I did it in the middle of the night, too, so he’d have to see my still present sign in the morning.

It took about 20 signs for him to get the point and stop stealing them. But I did win! So put on 2 fish for every one he takes.

#16

Yo, Lightin’, I can make you one that’s bolted to yer vehicle! Imagine the look on the cocksmokers face when he/she discovers that its not something he/she can easily pull off! E-mail me if you’re interested.

#17

The guy who did it is a vandal and an ass and a useless piece of shit and all that.

But those “Darwin” fish are fucking stupid. Darwinism is not the opposite of Christianity, or any religion for that matter. And it has zilch to do with atheism. As far as I can tell, they were originally designed less to express one’s own beliefs than to piss off creationists.

If you want to express your atheism, you should get a big bumper sticker that says “I DON’T BELIEVE IN YOUR MAGICAL SKY PIXIE!!” It would be more accurate. And probably confuse the guy enough that he would stop ripping it off.

#18

I vote for the videotape idea. And catch him on more than one day. Sue him in federal court for terrorism against your beliefs.

#19

First, as a Christian, I must mention: Like jarbabyj said, we’re not all like that.

On to the matter at hand. I’d vote for an electro-charged darwin fish on your car. That’ll learn 'em. :smiley:

BTW, whenever I see a fish like that of any sort, I always think of the Futurama episode where Bender joins the robot religion. After he welds a Jesus-fish type symbol on the back of the ship, he admires his handywork and says, “There! That’ll convert a few tailgaters!”

#20

First off, what an asshole. I vote for video camera too. There is no excuse for such behavior.

I also have to say, this is why I try to stay out of the “bumper sticker wars” as much as possible. (I even started a thread about this a while back.) Yes, I do think that some Christian bumper stickers are meant to sound sanctimonious and “in your face” to atheists, and yes, I do think that there are some atheist (“Darwin fish”, etc.) bumper stickers that are meant to be “in your face” to Christians. Both sides are trying (at times) to “stick it” to the opposing side.

People will be offended by the “opposing” side’s bumper stickers, and will go on to design even more obnoxious stickers - and it goes on and on. Prompting assholes like the one in the OP to vandalize someone else’s car.

Personally, I just want out of that war. I don’t want anyone vandalizing my car because they are pissed off at some religious or political statement I’ve made on my car. So I just stick Yosemite bumper stickers, travel stickers and goofy stickers on my car. Who needs the grief?