I love kids, and I’m all for them being socialized. The socialization process should involve a swift response to anti-social behavior. Simply being near other humans and thinking they should give a shit that your kids are “growing,” “learning,” or whatever is obnoxious.
Saying someone will step up and do what needs to be done when it’s their “turn” and have children is obnoxious.
Allowing your child to grab and throw things in a store is obnoxious. Allowing them to squeal and screech in indoor public places, is obnoxious.
“Those loud sounds hurt people’s ears, so let’s use our inside voices” does not crush a child’s spirit. Leaving the building and going outside to make loud outside noises and then coming back in does not harm a child’s psyche. Being told that that is not our ball and that throwing things inside could hurt someone or break something is not child abuse. Taking pleasure at your child’s newfound walking and grasping ability is fine, but taking pleasure in the child pulling apart a store display, handling merchandise you don’t intend to pay for with sticky/snotty/spit-covered toddler hands is not socializing the precious darling, so quit falling back on this obnoxious claim.
And you think that at 13 months old they grasp the impact they have on others, and have the same understanding of empathy and social skills you do? Can you defend that please?
I think this needs rephrasing.
A child who’s taught to behave in public and is not allowed to get away with tantrums, grows up to be an adult with little tolerance for those who are too lazy and/or clueless to be responsible parents like his/her own were, while appreciating people who make the effort to be good and considerate parents.
Apropos of this thread, there was a fun story in the sports section of the N.Y. Times yesterday about Peyton Hillis, who went from ex-NFL player to starting for the Giants a week ago. His wife flew to New York from Tennessee to join him. Enroute, their four-month old infant threw up on the passenger in the adjoining seat (I only hope it was First Class). Apparently he was cool with being barfed on. And I know I’d prefer a vomit episode to having a child screaming in my ear for a couple of hours. 
I would hope at 13 months old they would have a caregiver who understands what are appropriate levels of noise and behavior in public.
It doesn’t matter whether your child knows his or her behavior is a distraction to others. It does matter that YOU understand this.
Are you waiting for a visit from the Magical Empathy Fairy?
Do you just goo and gah at a pre-verbal child until it magically develops the ability to have a conversation?
I don’t expect your tot to have any empathy or the ability to understand sentences. I would say I expect you to teach him or her these things, but I’d obviously just be setting myself up for disappointment.
I’m so confident that you don’t understand the issue of hearing damage re decibels that I won’t bother constructing an answer for you.
Maybe you can share how your parents introduced you to the world. Were you left at home until ten or so? Or perhaps beaten into solemn submission as a toddler? Please share your personal experience.
I would much rather have to put up with noisy kids while dining rather than listen to some arrogant asshole’s conversation littered with fucks shits and god damns.
I have heard more than one arrogant asshole grown man bitch and carry on the entire meal in a loud enough voice to be embarrassing to every table in the vicinity. I would expect better behavior from an adult in public.
My parents were 100% nonviolent, so no, no beatings.
I was an unusual child, so I’m afraid there is little to be learned from their experience. They saw no reason why I wouldn’t sit quietly reading or drawing at age two while they taught two-hour college seminars and indeed they were correct, as I was both cognizant of my surroundings and extremely shy. I nearly died of boredom.
I accompanied my father to the grocery store nearly every day. Once I got it into my head that I wanted some stupid toy, and he did not appear to even consider giving in for a single second while I pitched a fit. We went home with no toy and no groceries that day. Humiliated, I did not attempt this stunt again.
I would never expect a normal toddler to sit quietly for more than a few minutes or never to cry in a store. At some point however, the obliviousness of infancy gives way to the child’s natural inclination to engage with the world and other people. The actions and reactions of those people are how the child learns that others have feelings just as he or she does. Perhaps a toddler will bite you, just to see what happens. Would you forego letting the kid know that that hurt, on the grounds that he is too young to understand? Or would you begin the process of teaching him?
Don’t underestimate a baby’s potential for cognitive growth and dumb down the world accordingly. A baby learns language and social norms with truly remarkable speed, so even if you don’t see immediate evidence that your efforts are having any effect, neural pathways are being built behind the scenes. When the child’s piercing shriek is consistently met with calm words and removal from the stimulating environment, he or she will learn. When a ball is taken from the child’s grasp and put back in the display and the child is placed in the cart or removed from the store upon repeated attempts to grab the ball, you are teaching appropriate behavior.
Note that I have never said to spank, slap, threaten, scream at, or express anger at the child, or even to leave the child at home. You can set up straw men and characterize those annoyed by your noisy charges as heartless advocates of child-beating to excuse your laissez-faire approach, but it doesn’t. If you said you simply had too many children to handle and were overwhelmed, you’d have my sympathy, and I’d suggest you take them out one or two at a time when possible, so you could give each the attention needed, but you are too busy patting yourself on the back for making the choice to “socialize” them at the public’s expense.
you are completely clueless regarding both the decibel level of a screaming child and the appropriate behavior expected of you. Your only possible excuse is that you are hearing impaired.
Probably she would be by now, from the repeated noise exposure.
All I know is that if hearing kids yell at the grocery store can cause irreversible hearing damage, then pretty much all parents are screwed.
This whole “screaming children will give you hearing damage” thing is so ridiculous I cannot believe people are even addressing it. I can’t believe I’m even addressing it. This is solely because I’m working on something really tedious right now and I need to procrastinate somehow. I should probably go read the comments on YouTube videos instead, because even that would be less stupid than arguing that screaming children in grocery stores will give you permanent hearing damage, I mean come on people.
Most people do suffer from some hearing loss when they are older. Why are you so sure that a lifetime of exposure to loud noise, including screaming children, is not the reason for the damage?
THIS.
More than once, both as a customer and an employee, I’ve seen people at a nearby table tell someone to watch their language.
Looking at the length of this thread and the repetitive comments, I think the OP started the thread with her fingers in her ears, singing “la la la la la la la …”
She’s not the only one.
The only way a screaming child will damage your hearing is if you pick up a strange child and run with it. In which case I have coached each of my children to scream their bloody lungs out. Of the long list of unreasonable fears held by irrational people, hearing damage caused by a child squealing because someone gave her a gift is at the bottom, right after the fear that no one will support your preposterous argument.
As far as the argument from the exceptional child, no, I will not leave my children at home so that your trip to Walmart is more pleasant. I’m a charitable soul, but frankly I find your request a little too precious to be believed. Why is your comfort more important than anyone else’s?
Do you have some sort of medical condition that makes certain syllables cause you physical pain? You being annoyed by someone’s utterance of words you don’t like at normal conversation volume is a psychological problem of your own creation. I suggest counseling to get you over this hangup so you may enjoy a normal life.
A screaming person creates a painful decibel level, measurable by objective instruments, not the mental distress you experience when someone says “damn” instead of “darn.” If you don’t mind the sound of screams, great, but maybe you’ve already lost the upper ranges of your hearing.
If you mean me, you should read more carefully (difficult with all that squealing in the background, I know), as I specifically stated that I did NOT feel that you should go to Walmart sans children. I stated only that you should not bring more children out than you can handle.
This has little to do with my comfort at the expense of anyone else’s. How many people do you suppose come home from an outing lamenting the dearth of screeching kids they encountered while shopping or dining? Close to zero, I’d guess, so no worries that you’d be depriving many members of the public of the treat of hearing the loud noises you think are enjoyable to decent folks.
I think perhaps you enjoy the sounds because they are an announcement to the public. “Look at MEEEEEE! I’m heroically contending for parent of the year, toting around youngsters I did not even personally birth! I’m socializing them!!! Tell me how amaaaaazing I am in my endless patience and joy!”
Go make yourself a Nobel Prize certificate and tape it to your fridge.
Ah yes, we find ourselves once again in DoperLand, where having a loud obscenity-ridden argument within earshot of others is no problem, totally A-OK. But taking your children to the grocery store will cause other customers to literally go deaf and therefore you should pay a babysitter while you perform this task.