Baboons are notorious for pooping on the couch and eating your favorite cereal without asking you. That is a scientific fact!
It would probably be fine and dandy for her to stay for a short while but you just never know. However, if you emailed me and asked to stay at my place because you were visiting NYC I would not only say yes but I would make you pancakes in the mornings and take you to a Broadway show even though we’ve never technically met, so I may not be the best person to take advice from in this situation.
Ah – key point. Ann hasn’t lived in the same state as me for several years. I’m assuming that Ann’s friend lives near Ann. I’m in CA. Ann (and her friend, as far as I know) lives in Utah.
Funny, I recall you offering up your place to me when I went to New York last spring. I didn’t take you up on it because it felt really uncomfortable.
I answered no to both questions, but it sort of depends on the situation. I, too, am a pretty private person and can be uncomfortable with having people over. In my current situation, I’m single and live in a very tiny place. If the woman didn’t mind sleeping on the futon, (right next to me) then I MIGHT consider it for one night, but only if there were absolutely no other options. If I were in a relationship, then no way.
There’s one situation where I would have been more OK with it. My last apartment was pretty big, and the living room and bedroom were separate. And the living room had a futon. And, for a while, I was living with a girlfriend. Sure, let her stay a couple of nights.
One other tidbit. I know from discussing with my girlfriend that she would have been OK with it, although she expressed surprise that I’d consider it because she knows I’m weird about having people stay with me. But other than that, my romantic relationship wouldn’t have been an issue.
Of course, now I wonder if my answer would be different if I were single. Someone upthread commented about being OK if there was a mutual spark with this random stranger. So, if you are currently in a relationship, would you have answered differently if you were single? And vice-versa for those who are currently single.
You’re more kind than I. I have a big ass, two story, 2500 square foot, three bed room house. I still wouldn’t want some strange man rolling in for the week. Then again, part of this might be because I’m a single female and it’s a little more threatening to have a strange man in my house than the other way around (fair or not, thems the breaks).
If I had a live in boyfriend or something, I’d be a little less freaked out to have a stranger stay in my house, but I still probably wouldn’t.
Single guy with a 3 bedroom house… well, 4… if you count the odd room downstairs that’s built like a small apartment. I have the space so why not; although I’d prefer solitude, I could put up with someone for a few days as a favor for a friend.
Relationship status and gender of the visitor have nothing to do with my answer. Would I do a somewhat (but not terribly) strange favor for a very good friend of mine? Yes or no. Of course I’d prefer to not have people staying at my place, but hey, friends do that kind of thing for one another.
I said no to both. Sorry to be inhospitable, but my casa is not your casa.
That said, things would be different for Dopers, rather than complete strangers. I mean, Dopers kind of are complete strangers, but not completely. You know what I mean, I hope. I can hunt you down if you bring baboons into my house.
I don’t think you’re any kinder than I, I get the gender/danger thing. The reason I’d let someone stay if I had a live in girlfriend is more for social comfort than safety. I’m perfectly comfortable talking one-on-one to a strange woman out in public. In someone’s home is very different.
It’s funny, I asked a woman out the other day. She said yes, but didn’t give me her number or e-mail. She told me what apartment she lives in. So I’ll go up there tonight and knock on her door, and… Then what? She’ll invite me in? It could get very weird.
When I was in college, some group put up fliers looking for students who lived in the dorms to host students from another school, who were visiting for some kind of event. I had one roommate in my dorm room, but he almost alway slept at his girlfriend’s room (she had a single). So I signed up for a pair of guests, figuring one of them would be lucky and get the extra bed.
The time came to pick up my guests, so I walked down to the welcome center where they were all registered. The student checked off my name and said “those two right there are with you.” I was a little shocked - they were women! I thought it odd that they would place two female students in a room with two (but really just one) male who went through the rigorous screening process of signing up.
The girls were nice (but also surprised). I tried to give up my bed and sleep on the floor, but they wouldn’t hear of it. We hung out in the room for a while, slept, and the next day they went on to their event and I never heard from them again. It was weird.
Sorry for the hijack but I forgot about that story until this thread reminded me of it.
I wrote yes, but I assumed your friend Ann was closer to you than a subsequent post indicated. Since I assumed she was close, I thought she knew that you were not single. When you said you were not single, I assumed you lived with your significant other most of the time.
Ergo, there is nothing untoward about the request.
Whether you want to take in a near stranger is another question.
This hasn’t come up in my life for a long time, but used to come up all the time. My far-flung friends would call me and say they were sending me a guest for a few days. As long as I had trust in the friend who was vouching for the guest, all was well.
When my son was in college we had surprise guests who were his frat brothers, former roommates, etc. Made me long fondly for the old days.
I don’t know what being single or not has to do with it–an SO who lives there would of course have some input into the situation, and one who doesn’t live there might or might not.
I think it’s weird that so many people will assume that when people of the appropriate sexual orientation but with no other relationshp are in the same space, sexual hanky-panky will ensue.
I said yes for you (with thought) no for her. It depends on your living arrangements and if you have enough space to be comfortable with another person there. And assuming that Ann can give a good reference for this person. I think today it is not given that an unattached male and female together in an apartment must automatically get into trouble, and it is good that both your SO and Ann trust you enough to be okay with this. But if your desire for solitude makes you say no, that is fine, since that is purely personal. We had nanny students living with us for two years, and sometimes it got a bit much, no matter how nice they were.
For her, I could see her reticent about the arrangement, depending on how much she trusts the judgment of your friend.
BTW, I think I’d be more willing to do it being in a relationship than not.
[ul]
[li]My place is approximately 1,200 square feet[/li][li]It is, however, essentially a studio space with no room dividers other than the bathroom.[/li][li]I have a queen-sized futon, which is on the opposite end of the living space from my bed.[/li][li]If it matters, I’m a loud snorer. :)[/li][/ul]Hope that helps.
I said no problem either way - though, practically speaking, we just don’t have room in our flat currently. But in principle, assuming I trust Ann’s judgment (as either the host or the guest), I’d have no problem with it. Ann’s friend clearly needs to do this training course, Ann’s a friend and I like to do favours for my friends - not least because I might need one someday - and I’ve had more than my share of staying on people’s sofas because I can’t afford a hotel. Assuming I’ve got the space, I’m fine with it.
The sexual preferences of either party, and relationship status, don’t change my answer - the entire concept is completely non-sexual, as far as I can see; it’s just offering a spare bed to sleep on. (This is all assuming you have a spare room - looking at the OP, that’s not specified, though. If this woman is actually sharing your bed, then that’s very different, and my answer changes to “hell no, here’s some money for a hotel room”.)
ETA: Relationship status changes things if you live with your partner - or, indeed, have other flatmates - because then their opinions on this person staying over are important; they need to be ok with it. Otherwise, it doesn’t make a difference, IMO.