Okay, so essentially the question is: “If you were a super-private person living in a studio-sized apartment, and doesn’t want people over, would you let a friend of a friend who you’re not very close with crash at your place during her visit?” In that case, the answer is no.
No problem – the mutual old friend vouches for both parties.
In addition, if the guest finds a job in the area, her having been a guest already will help build a new friendship in her new town, making the transition to the new town all the easier.
Eh. I want people to adopt my scenario for the purposes of answering the question, but not necessarily my personality. Still seems worthwhile to explain the rationale for my own feelings.
Dopefest in Calgary – Cat Whisperer and Dread Pirate Jimbo will be putting us all up, or putting up will all of us, as the case may be! 
As a single male, I would have no problem with the situation. If I had a girlfriend, I would check with her first.
Back in the mid-80s, I was a couple of years out of college. On a cross country car trip, I decided to stay with a college friend for one night. He was living with his then girlfriend, and I figured that I’d just curl up on their couch. It turned out that a female friend of the girlfriend had a roommate out of town, so I could sleep in the empty bedroom of her roommate. The friend joined the other three of us for dinner and drinks, I think. At the end of the night, I went back to her place where she showed me the spare bedroom. She said that she wasn’t sure how clean it was, and I could share her bed if I would be more comfortable. I politely declined, as it seemed a little weird to me. The next year, my friend and his girlfriend married. The friend of the girlfriend was also there, and she joked about us almost sleeping together the previous year.
Internet friends are a special category in so many ways
In your place and hers, if I really trusted Ann I would probably say yes. My husband is not good with strangers however and would likely over rule me on the our house side of the equation.
Why can’t she stay over when your girlfriend is there? She could sleep on the couch.
Well, as my relationship is a long-distance one and my girlfriend and I get to spend very little time together, and as my space has zero privacy (due to lack of room separation), it is not an ideal time to have someone else there when we’re together. If it were a real emergency, obviously, I’d make it happen, but since I am in a position where I can make a hotel room happen for the friend if it was needed, there is no reason I’d put her up in my place while my g/f is around.
It just doesn’t seem wise to invite a stranger to stay in your home. It doesn’t even sound like you’d want Ann to stay in your home under the circumstances. I am assuming you have things you value there, and aren’t fond of being stabbed while you sleep, or having someone set up a meth lab there, or simply having to hide all traces of your identity.
Is there any reason why Ann made her inquiry via your computer rather than phining you and asking in person?
I’m old, eh? That sort of arms-length request would tell me I wasn’t expected to agree
to the house guest.
an seanchai
I did have a guy I’d only known online (for several years) invite himself to come stay for a month. Circumstances were weird but I wasn’t happy with how the invitation went down.
We’ve always been buddy-like, but not THAT close, eh?
Come on, what are the odds of a friend of a friend doing that?
It’s complex, but she and I have probably never talked by phone. I’d see her from time to time when she still lived near me, mainly because she was a very good friend of my ex-wife from childhood (she was the bridesmaid at our wedding). And while we’ve continued to be friends and check up on one another and such, including email and IM from time to time, we’ve never talked on the phone to my knowledge. I doubt she even has my number.
Probable yes for letting them stay with me. I’d be slightly unhappy - I’m not crazy about houseguests under the best of circumstances, let alone a stranger, and I have a small place. But if a close friend asked and it involved a plea of poverty, I’d probably give assent and make the best of it without too much fuss.
Probable no for staying with someone else, unless the money issue really was dire and my need to be in town in that situation really strong. I prefer hotel rooms or the equivalent to feeling like I might be imposing on others. Friends who insist I stay with them tend to get their wish, but otherwise I just assume as a safe default that people are like me and aren’t thrilled with houseguests.
It becomes more probable every time you wake up and haven’t been stabbed.
When I first heard about couch surfing, I remember being very surprised at people doing that. A friend of a friend is (to me) bad enough, but a total stranger who you only know from the Internet? It’s one thing to meet them in a public space but quite another to let them stay in your house. That would be terrifying.
I have to tell that to one of my clients who was woken up by being repeated stabbed in his head (by his wife, though, not by a friend of a friend).
I said “probably yes” until I got to this line:
Which changes my answer to “probably no.”
Room dividers are important. Strangers don’t sleep in my bedroom. However, if talking about a 1200 sq. ft. 1 or 2 bedroom with walls and doors and stuff, I’d go back to “probably yes.”
Some strangers took me and friend in for the night, without a divider in the room. We were about to start a canoe trip, when a elderly couple who had a cottage near by invited us to hop on the back of their ATV and spend the night at their place. We had a terrific dinner and evening with them, sharing stories and our love for wilderness canoeing, and then bedding down in the same room (it was a delightful cottage they had built from found material). That was a few years ago. A couple of weeks ago I was back in that area and came upon the husband, who is now 84 and just had his knee replaced, so he and his wife can start travelling again.
I hope that people take them in in their travels, just as they took me and my friend in.
Does your answer change depending on how good a friend asks you? I can understand that a not-so-great friend asking would be odd, but if your best friend asked, you’d still say no?
Yeah, same here.