Yeah. If only I knew how to flirt I’d be Giltathriel’s perfect man.
So Priceguy and Captain Carrot, where do you live?
On a related note, what’s a reasonable distance for meeting someone on-line? I’ve got my okcupid search radius set to 50 mi, which unfortunately doesn’t include any big cities. I can get to Pittsburg or Philly in 3 hours, but I feel like that’s a long way to go for a first date.
While I must admit that I’m not entirely sure where the Happy Valley is, I’m reasonably sure that it’s a prohibitive distance from my home in Sweden.
Yeah, that’s a bit far from central Pennsylvania.
This is something I just need to grow into? I’m certainly telling myself that I’m interested in a long-term relationship. If it isn’t true, then I’m not sure what I’d need to change.
I think there might be something to that. I thought I wanted a long-term relationship when I was in my mid-twenties, but I didn’t get married until I was 35. Somewhere around 30 something shifted inside me, and I was definitely looking for a long-term, settle down and buy a house together relationship.
Regarding the flirting - if he isn’t fantastic at flirting, that probably means that he won’t flirt with other women when he’s with you. This one you might have to relax on - if the kind of guys you are interested in typically aren’t the flirting type, you might have to do more of the work in that department, but it can be worth it. As long as you can pry him out of his shell for some good old-fashioned hot-buttered monkey lovin’, I don’t see where flirting is all that important. 
This is kind of comforting and kind of frustrating. I’ve heard from guys my age that I’m going to change my priorities at some point and become more interested in decent, average men. Glad to know that this has actually happened to a real woman at some point. At the same time…I haven’t any control over this, have I?
I’m not looking for Cassanova at all. I want him to be able to express some interest in sleeping with me, and that hasn’t always happened in the past. I’ve had dates that clearly liked me, but were very sweet and innocent about it. I want to be leered at just a teeny bit.
See what you’ve gone and done? I’ve been lurking for years now, and I come out of hiding to post.
If you think you’re ready for a long-term relationship than you probably are. If after a date you don’t care if you see them again, you probably shouldn’t. It’s all about fairness in my mind. Don’t give the guy the illusion that you’re attracted if you really aren’t. Listen to your feelings on this, it may be frustrating but being honest with yourself is the only way you’ll end up being happy.
Never, ever compromise on this. Sense of humor doesn’t just mean he can keep you entertained– it means he, in turn, thinks you’re funny and clever, that you’re on the same wavelength, that you’re at ease with one another. Plus you’ll probably like most of the same movies (and you can tease one another for the guilty pleasures you don’t have in common).
Regarding the ‘no-no’ of hooking up with friends (from the other thread)– there is something very creepy about building a friendship with a one-way ulterior motive, or amassing girlfriends you’d fuck if given the chance, even though it would surely ruin the friendship. I’m just recommending you don’t keep flirting off-limits between friends and friends-of-friends; that while you probably have no inclination to ‘go for’ close guy friends, you are probably more likely to find someone you mesh with that they also get along with. (I really am writing a prescription for drama, aren’t I? I’m envisioning a casual bunch of mixed gender and sexualities…)
I don’t mean to say that you don’t ‘know’ yourself. I think the desire to commit to The Big One includes adjusting your expectations. It’s not as drastic as “settling”, but it’s something less than “finding a guy who’s exactly what I’ve been looking for in every respect” (and that’s not to say you’re an inflexible hard-nosed spouse shopper, either). There is an area between the two extremes where a guy’s shortcomings in some areas won’t matter as much because he excels in the areas that are REALLY important to you. Of course these traits can only be weighted by you.
It could be that you just haven’t met Mr. Right, but spending more time with these guys might reveal more to you about what you’re willing to overlook because of the guy’s really good traits. If you don’t get past the 3-month mark, you may be passing up a guy who really is right for you.
Messy or not, this appeals to me. Less pressure and more substance than normal dating.
OK, we’re gonna need a pic here. If you ever feel like driving 3 hours to Pgh, lemme know. I’ll enlist the GF’s help…we’ll find you a man.
Where does the idea come from that this screws up the friendship? IME, it’s usually because the girl can’t keep it casual. For those rare instances where she could, it was a godsend.
My parents, with whom I live for probably the next couple of years at least, are in the southwestern edge of Northern Virginia. At least, as far as I can tell, it’s kind of on the border. However, right now I’m at college, not at home, which is another two and a half hours south of that. I’m pretty sure central PA is more than three or four hours away from my parents’ house, but I think there’s probably somewhere in between that wouldn’t be too onerous on either of us.
Just out of curiosity, how far away from Bloomsburg is Happy Valley? I imagine a bit of a ways, since Philly’s only 2 hrs from here.
I don’t know, mapquest is giving me two choices Bloomsburg, PA.
I put a picture in my profile. Something better will have to wait until I’m home from work. I may take you up on this.
On I-80 Bloomsburg is about two or three hours from State College, I suppose. I was born in State College and grew up an hour from Bloomsburg, and when I was at Penn State a lot of my high school friends went to Bloomsburg University, so I’m familiar with the territory.
To the OP: two things. First, Penn State never seemed like a very graduate-friendly place to me, and that’s probably the reason I didn’t go there for my MA, and I can see why it’s a daunting place to meet people in, and I know I’m using “and” a lot, but it’s definitely a big place. Surely there’s a friend of a friend who knows some people in a social group you don’t. Work that grad school network. I warn you that I met my first wife that way, but don’t let that stop you.
Second, and this is key, if you have a list of “things you want in a guy,” throw it away. If you’re meeting guys who match what’s on the list, and you’re not getting any sparks, maybe you’re not looking for the right things. Perhaps it’s difference, not similarity, that will cause that spark. Or maybe just throwing preconceptions (but not caution) to the wind. I dunno.
Lastly, I wish my experience at Penn State hadn’t been so resolutely bad (nothing to do with the place, more that it’s not the place for 15-year-old high school grads to go, really), so that I knew a few likely lads there. You seem together, and I can sense you’ll find someone at some point, but I’ll agree the waiting can be frustrating.
Heh, I always forget that. :smack:
Zip code 17815. It’s one one in Columbia county.
Anyway, what kinds of things do you do for fun? Any chance on meeting new people through your hobbies? It sounds like you’ve plumbed the depths of Friends of Friends already.
Well, if you’re ever in Cleveland, I know how to flirt.
I’ve definitely got that list, but I think it breaks down to two things: someone I like spending time with and have an interest in kissing. I heard somewhere that we make up our minds about people within about 4 minutes of meeting them and I feel like I’m making those gut reaction type judgments, for better or worse.
I haven’t given up on the friends of friends network, but I do feel like I’ve reached the depths of my hobbies. I like swing dancing and crafts; I’m at a loss for men-friendly hobbies in this town.